Breakdown
by HeavenRose
Summary: A reckless stunt leaves Carlos in a coma and on life support. Painful decisions have to be made as Kendall, Logan and James struggle to keep their friendship together and face their hardest challenge yet. Maybe they can at least manage to save their jobs.
1. A Bad Day

**A/N: I have decided to rate this fic 'K+'. Be warned, though, this story is very angst-y and deals with some dark themes. If at anytime you think the rating should be upped to 'T', let me know in a review or private message/email. This story contains NO SLASH, no foul language, or anything like that. It's just kind of depressing. This first chapter does have some violence in it.**  
**Also, note that when Gustavo speaks, I use CAPS LOCK to indicate he is yelling, since in the TV show he hollers every other word. Thanks for reading!**

**

* * *

**

**Breakdown****  
****  
**Chapter 1:  
A Bad Day

Kendall woke to a helmet-clad boy bouncing up and down on his bed.

"Wake up, wake up, wake up!" Carlos chanted to the beat of his jumps. Gasping in surprise, Kendall rolled over and flopped off the mattress, landing awkwardly on the floor. Carlos flew off the bed and attempted to help Kendall untangle himself from his twisted bed sheets.

"Carlos, what are you_ doing_?" Kendall muttered angrily.

"We have to get up!" Carlos shrieked. He grabbed one of the blankets covering Kendall and tugged, causing the boy on the floor to spin over on his side.

"Will you stop?" Kendall grumbled, using the edge of the bed to gracelessly pull himself to his feet. He tiredly rubbed at his eyes. "What's going on?"

"It stormed last night!"

Kendall didn't catch on. "So?"

"So, the power went out! Our alarms didn't go off! It's seven thirty!"

Kendall's eyes instantly snapped open wide. "Seven thirty?" He turned his head to see flashing numbers on his alarm clock.

Carlos nodded vigorously.

With a small shout, Kendall barreled past Carlos, nearly tripping on his way to the door. "Is everyone else up?" he asked hastily.

"James is, but I haven't gotten Logan up yet," replied Carlos, his expression one of worry.

Kendall sprinted down the hall and flung open the door to Logan's bedroom, Carlos closely behind. Logan slept soundly, covers pulled up to his chin.

"Logan, wake up!" Kendall and Carlos shouted simultaneously.

When he didn't stir, both boys lunged forward and threw their bodies on top of their sleeping friend. Logan bolted upright, screaming.

"Logan, you have to wake up!" exclaimed Carlos, shaking his shoulders.

Startled and bewildered, Logan began thrashing his arms and legs, attempting to throw Kendall and Carlos off of him. The two clambered off the bed and yanked Logan's arms, forcing him to his feet.

"Woah! What?" Logan cried, eyes darting back and fourth in his confusion.

"It's seven thirty!" said Kendall. "Our alarms didn't go off! We gotta go!"

Logan cried out, suddenly wide awake. He shooed Kendall and Carlos out of his room so he could quickly change out of his pajamas and into regular clothes.

The boys knew if they were late getting to the studio, Gustavo would have their heads for sure. Kelly had even warned them yesterday that they had better be on time.

It was Friday, and so far the boys had been late to work every day since Monday. But being tardy on Monday wasn't even their fault. The limo driver blew a tire on his way to pick up the guys. They ended up walking to the studio, and were a half hour late.

On Tuesday, Carlos was helping Mrs. Knight make breakfast, and somehow managed to accidentally splatter buttermilk all over everyone, which resulted in all four having to retake showers.

Wednesday, James's hairdryer malfunctioned, and he refused to towel-dry his hair or leave the house with it dripping wet.

Thursday was the craziest morning of them all. Carlos was obviously having a nightmare; he was kicking and screaming in his sleep. Logan heard the noise and tried to wake him up. Unfortunately for him, Carlos slept with a baseball bat under his pillow. In his lack of comprehension, he whacked Logan on the side of the head so hard that he was unconscious for half the morning.

Carlos and Kendall skidded down the hall and into the main room of apartment 2J. James was in the kitchen, already dressed, stuffing a blueberry muffin in his face as breakfast.

"Here," he mumbled, crumbs spewing out of his mouth. He held up two muffins. Carlos and Kendall each grabbed one from his outstretched hand. Carlos shoved his muffin into his mouth and swallowed. It took Kendall a couple bites to wolf his down.

Meanwhile, James dove for the refrigerator and retrieved a gallon of milk. He twisted open the cap and began to chug. The moment he pulled it away from his lips, Carlos snatched it from his hands, downing nearly half the plastic jug in a few large gulps.

"Save some for me!" cried Kendall, taking the container from Carlos. He finished the rest of the milk, then tossed the empty jug somewhere over his shoulder.

Logan then appeared from the hall, hopping on one foot as he desperately attempted to put on his shoe.

"Logan. Breakfast. Catch!" James whipped a muffin at his friend. Logan saw it slice through the air, but did not react quick enough. He let out a shout as the muffin came in contact with his face and sent him stumbling backwards, flailing his arms. His shoe, which still wasn't correctly on his foot, caused him to trip and fall flat on his back.

Gasping, Kendall ran forward to help him up. Logan thankfully accepted his friend's hand and was yanked to his feet. "Thanks," he murmured, rubbing his cheek. Logan's eyes widened when he noticed what Kendall was wearing. "Dude! You're still in your pajamas!"

Kendall looked down at his clothes, then wordlessly tore off to his bedroom.

"Here's another muffin!" James said from the kitchen.

"No, James, wait, don't throw -"

_Smack_.

Also in the kitchen, Carlos seized the bottle of dish soap next to the sink. He held the plastic container over his head and squeezed, feeling the runny liquid drop onto his hair. He ran his hands over his hair a couple times, then stuck his head under the faucet. A mass amount of soap bubbles formed due to his scrubbing, stinging his eyes and dripping into his mouth. Carlos sputtered, but pressed on. When all the soap was rinsed from his hair and swirling down the drain, he turned off the running water and blindly fumbled for a paper towel.

"Who else needs to take a quick shower?" he asked.

James gaped at him in horror. "_Dish soap_? Do you have any idea how unhealthy that is for your hair?" He paused and narrowed his eyes, examining Carlos closely. "Dude, and now you have paper towel chunks stuck in there, too."

Carlos shrugged.

Kendall emerged from the hall a moment later, finishing snapping together the final button on his shirt. "Ready to go?" he wondered. He noticed Logan laying on the floor again, and offered him a hand, eyebrows narrowed in confusion.

"Logan still hasn't eaten breakfast," said James, arming himself with a third muffin.

"No!" Kendall and Logan shouted in unison, the dark-haired boy ducking behind Kendall.

"We really do have to go," said Carlos, glancing at his wristwatch. "It's seven forty!"

"But I need to brush my teeth and wash my face and comb my hair," James protested, making a dash for the bathroom.

"James, no!" Kendall yelled. "Carlos, stop him!"

Carlos screamed and charged towards James. The brown-haired boy, however, reached the bathroom first. Carlos's body collided into the closed door and he collapsed to the floor, landing hard on his back.

Kendall smacked his forehead.

"Great," groaned Logan, throwing his hands up in exasperation, "now we'll never make it on time!"

Kendall ran both hands through his hair and began to pace the floor. "Wait, let's think. Okay. It's seven forty. It normally takes fifteen minutes for the limo to get to Rocque Records, so that will put us there at seven fifty five. We don't have to be at the studio until eight."

"James!" called Logan. "You had better be done in five minutes!"

"You can't rush perfection!" James called back.

The two boys let out deep exhales in an attempt to settle their nerves. "You grab some breakfast," Kendall said to Logan. "I'll see if Carlos is okay."

The Latino still laid on the floor, unmoving.

Logan frowned and grabbed a piece of fruit from the bowl on the kitchen counter. "Where's his helmet?"

"He set it by the sink when he was 'showering'," said Kendall, kneeling down next to his fallen friend. "Wanna hand it to me?"

Logan did as he was asked before peeling his banana.

"Car-los," Kendall said in a singsong voice. He gave his cheek a gentle slap. "Get up."

Carlos groaned and his eyes shot open wide. "We're gonna be late!" he suddenly screamed, jolting up and scrambling to his feet. "I'll get James -" He started for the bathroom, forgetting the door was closed. Kendall caught him before he crashed to the floor for the second time.

Logan placed Carlos's helmet on his head and gave it a slap. "Here you go, buddy."

He nodded, still slightly dazed.

"Maybe we should bring him to the limo right now," Kendall said, a hint of concern in his voice. His hands firmly on Carlos's shoulders, he began to lead him out of the kitchen.

Logan quickly devoured the rest of his banana and tossed the peel carelessly aside. "James, you have three minutes to meet us in the limo or we're leaving without you!" he shouted to his friend, following Kendall and Carlos out the front door.

The three walked briskly down the hall and to the elevators. Once inside, Carlos shrugged off Kendall's hands, insisting he was fine. When they entered the lobby of the Palm Woods, they hurried out the doors and to the front of the building, where their limo was parked and waiting for them. They had to pile in themselves - the driver was strictly just a driver, and was instructed by Gustavo to _only_ bring the boys to the studio and back. Sometimes Kelly was waiting in the vehicle, but today she was not.

Kendall tapped on the drivers' window. With an annoyed look on his face, the middle-aged man rolled it down. "What is it?"

"Can you please not leave until _exactly _seven forty five?" Kendall asked, flashing the driver a charming smile.

The man gave him a strange look, but shrugged. "Sure, whatever."

Kendall happily walked back to his friends. Logan slid in the car first, followed by Carlos, then Kendall. Logan reached over and grabbed Carlos's wrist, tilting his head to see the digital numbers on his watch. "James has one minute," he informed.

"Wanna make a bet?" said Kendall. "I bet James isn't going to make it."

"I'll bet," Carlos said. "I think he'll come."

Logan shook his head. "No way. I'm with Kendall. On a normal day it takes James thirty minutes to do all those things he said he was going to do."

"But James wouldn't risk his job," Carlos pointed out. "It's his dream to be famous, and if we're late today, Gustavo might possibly fire us."

Kendall gave a shrug at his reasoning. "Well, we'll find out in thirty seconds."

The boys stared out the window, watching for their friend. Every time the doors to the Palm Woods would open, they would perk up in excitement. When they realized it was just a random kid leaving the building, their faces would fall.

"Five seconds," said Carlos, anxiously fidgeting in his seat. They could feel the limo's engine start and the driver prepare to pull away.

Just then, a frantic-looking boy burst through the main entrance of the Palm Woods. Even though they were in the car with the doors and windows shut, Kendall, Logan and Carlos could hear James as he shouted, "Wait for me!"

He dashed down the sidewalk and flung himself at the side of the limo right as it began to move.

_Thud_!

Logan cringed, but Kendall and Carlos just burst out laughing. The limo stopped abruptly, causing all three boys to jolt forward in their seats.

James picked himself off the ground and brushed off his jeans. He pulled open the door and flopped inside, finding a seat across from his friends. The vehicle started forward again.

"Thanks for waiting for me, guys," he muttered sarcastically. He fished a comb out of his pocket and ran it through his hair a couple times.

"We told you we weren't going to wait," replied Logan, smirking.

"Ooh, and this means I win the bet!" said Carlos.

"Too bad we didn't actually bet anything," Kendall reminded, smirking as well.

Carlos's grin turned into a pout. "Oh yeah."

Logan noticed James rubbing his elbow and making a face. "I would have been here sooner," said James, "but as I was leaving the apartment I slipped on a banana peel. Like, literally, there was an actual banana peel on the floor. And then I bumped my elbow on the table."

Logan's eyes widened. "Hmm, that's weird," he murmured, casting his gaze out the window.

"Yeah. Good thing I'm wearing long sleeves. I was an elbow model, you know. I don't want anyone to see a bruise or something."

Kendall rolled his eyes.

There was a brief moment of silence. Kendall leaned back and relaxed in his seat. Logan continued to stare out the window, and Carlos glanced at his watch every minute or so. James was examining his elbow for any discoloration. The morning definitely had not started out well, as had every morning the whole week. Kendall tried to be an optimist, but he could not help but feel the day was going to be a bad one as well.

"Hey, check it out," said Logan, pointing to something outside. The boys leaned forward to see what he was referring to. "Looks like there was a lot of damage from that storm last night." It was true. Puddles still covered the ground. Big, thick tree branches blocked off sidewalks and laid on the curbs of the streets. The boys could see holes torn in the awnings of passing shops. Another store they passed had workers repairing a cracked window.

At seven fifty nine, the limo pulled into the parking lot of Rocque Records. "Hurry!" exclaimed Carlos, informing his friends of the time.

Everyone gasped and raced across the parking lot. They turned the corner that would lead them to the main entrance of the building, but were cut off by yellow caution tape.

"To the back door!" shouted Kendall, nearly colliding into James as he spun around. Their feet thudded loudly against the pavement. Eight o'clock came at the exact moment Kendall yanked open the door to the studio. "Take the stairs!" he cried, ignoring the strange looks he received from the people in the lobby. Logan reached the stairwell first. He held the door open for Kendall, James and Carlos, who bolted past him and barreled up.

The boys arrived on the third floor panting and nearly out of breath.

Kelly appeared from down the hall, scribbling on a clipboard. She looked up and smiled when she noticed the boys. "Good, you're here," she said.

The guys had their hands on their knees, heads bowed, breathing hard. "I can't believe… we made it," Kendall said between gasps.

Kelly's smile faltered. "Well, actually, it's one minute past eight. So, technically, you're late."

The four let out startled cries and immediately perked up, making a mad dash for the recording booth. In their haste, they nearly knocked Kelly over.

"We're here, we're here!" shouted James upon entering the small room. Gustavo was waiting inside, frowning. "Gustavo, we -"

Gustavo cut him off. "DOGS. BOOTH. NOW."

They instantly did as they were told, not wanting to anger their boss any more. They put on their headphones and readied themselves to sing, Carlos removing his helmet and laying it by his feet. Kelly made herself present in the room. Through the soundproof glass of the recording booth, the boys could see her and Gustavo speaking to one another. Finally, Kelly pressed a button that allowed her to talk to the boys, while Gustavo turned in his chair and rubbed his temples. "Uh, guys? Just wondering… What kept you this time?"

The friends exchanged glances. Kendall was the one who ultimately answered. "Well, because of the storm last night, our alarms didn't go off. So we got up a little late."

Kelly nodded, then hit the switch again, cutting off the sound in the other room. The members of Big Time Rush watched as Kelly and Gustavo exchanged more words. Eventually, Gustavo waved his hands, obviously wanting her to leave. Kelly refused, plopping down in the chair beside him. Gustavo seemed to ignore her.

He hit the switch and spoke into the microphone. "Okay, dogs, here's the rundown. Griffin wants our next song done in one week. And because you have been late EVERY DAY this past week, you need to put your butts in gear!"

James and Logan gulped. Carlos frowned, and Kendall sighed.

From underneath his sunglasses, Gustavo narrowed his eyes. "And WHAT is in Carlos's hair?"

Carlos reached up and grabbed a fistful of his hair. When he pulled it away, several small, white clumps were in his palms. "Oh," he said. "It's part of a paper towel."

Gustavo didn't press on. "Just… sing," he said, starting the music.

The boys had been working on their latest song for the past few days. They all really liked the song, partially because all four of them had an equal amount of lyrics to sing, unlike some of their earlier works.

Their current song was pretty upbeat, as nearly all Big Time Rush songs were. Kendall started, singing the first verse. James sang the pre-chorus, then all four belted out the chorus of the song, their voices harmonizing beautifully together. Then it went to Logan, back to Kendall, the chorus which everyone sang, then Carlos, and then the chorus again.

The music halted when the boys finished singing, and they looked to Gustavo for approval. Kelly was grinning, but their boss seemed displeased. "Do it again!" he bellowed. "And this time, try not to sound terrible!"

The four all sighed, exchanging glances. It was going to be a long day.

* * *

Noon came around slowly. Gustavo was still in a relatively bad mood, so the guys were eager to get out of the booth and take their lunch break. A cart selling hotdogs and corndogs was usually stationed outside the building, so the boys figured they would grab a bite to eat there.

They used the backdoor to exit, then walked around to the front of Rocque Records. The yellow caution tape still remained. Only now could the boys see the reason: at least ten windows had cracks or chips in them, most likely due to hail or blowing debris from the storm last night. Three tall sets of scaffolding towered over the entrance. A long, orange tube dangled from one of the scaffoldings, connecting to a dumpster beneath.

Carlos's eyes instantly widened. "Look! Look!" he cried, pointing. "It's a giant swirly slide!" His mouth hung open in his amazement.

"No, it's a trash chute," informed Logan. "Construction workers throw their garbage in it. The garbage slides down and goes into the dumpster."

"I wanna try!" Carlos slapped his helmet on his head and prepared to duck under the yellow tape. Logan and Kendall each grabbed an arm, restraining him.

"Probably not a good idea," said Kendall.

"Why?" Carlos demanded to know. He turned his head to the sides, looking in all directions. "There's no workers around. They're probably on lunch break. This is the perfect time!"

"You'll land in the dumpster with all the broken glass and boards and stuff," Logan said. "Not to mention you'd be trespassing on a construction site, so if you got caught you'd probably be charged with a misdemeanor."

Carlos frowned, giving the chute a last, longing look.

"Can we eat now?" James moaned. "I'm starving."

Kendall glanced around. "Hey, where is the cart, anyway?"

Logan pointed across the street. "The vendor had to move it because of the construction," he said.

The three boys began to cross the road. Kendall stopped when he realized Carlos wasn't following. "Come on," he muttered, rolling his eyes. He grabbed his friend by the sleeve of his shirt, tearing him away from the sight that captivated his attention.

James was already ordering his hotdog and drink by the time Kendall and Carlos rejoined the group. The vendor handed James his food, then took Logan's order.

James wandered over to a bench that was placed along side of the closest building. He took a seat on the far edge, leaving space for his friends to join him. He took a big bite of his ketchup-and-relish covered hotdog. Having only eaten a muffin for breakfast (that he hardly tasted, due to how quickly he devoured it), James was very hungry.

Logan soon took a seat next to him, hotdog and bottle of water in-hand. "Ugh," he said, "I'm glad to be out of the studio. Gustavo was starting to scare me."

"Yeah," James mumbled, his mouth full. "I didn't think he'd be _that_ mad. We were only one minute late."

Kendall joined the two on the bench a moment later. "Look at the bright side. We only have to be there for seven more hours."

Logan and James groaned.

"Maybe," said Carlos, jumping in the conversation and settling himself on the bench, "we'll sing so good after we eat, that Gustavo will let us go early." A corndog was in each hand. He brought one up to his mouth and took a bite, then did the same to the other, chewing noisily.

Kendall chuckled. "Yeah, I'm sure that'll happen."

"I guess we kind of deserve to be yelled at, though," said Logan, wiping his mouth with a paper napkin. "We weren't that late today, but we were the rest of the week."

"Come on, being late wasn't even our fault," said James.

Kendall gave him a strange look. "What are you talking about? Wednesday we were late because you wouldn't leave until your hair was dried."

"Yeah," said Logan, turning to his helmet-wearing friend, "and yesterday I was whacked with a baseball bat."

"Hey!" Carlos protested, pointing at Logan with a corndog. "That was your fault, not mine. You shouldn't have woken me up."

"How was I supposed to know you sleep with a bat?"

"You could have asked."

"Right, because that's a question I normally ask people."

Kendall narrowed his eyes at Carlos. "Why _do_ you sleep with a bat under your pillow?" he wondered.

Carlos shrank back in his seat, innocently sipping his pop. He shrugged. "No reason."

Kendall frowned. It was incredibly easy to tell when Carlos was lying. "Carlos…"

"I'm afraid of the dark, okay?" he blurted out. He bit off another large hunk of corndog.

James started to laugh, but Logan punched his shoulder.

The guys finished eating about fifteen minutes later. James went back to get a second hotdog, so the boys stood around and talked while he continued eating. Together they stood and dropped their wrappers and empty cups in the trash.

Kendall removed his cell phone from his pocket and checked the screen. "Well, we have about twenty minutes before we have to go back to the studio. What do you guys want to do?"

"I know what I want to do!" Carlos said. He excitedly bounced in the air, his eyes trained once again at the orange 'slide'.

"Dude, you're not going down a garbage chute," Logan reiterated.

"Aw, but why not? There's no one around to see me."

Logan held his hands out to the sides. "What do you mean? There's people every where."

"I mean construction workers," Carlos said like it was obvious. He stuck out his bottom lip and clasped his hands together, looking to his blonde friend. "Kendall?"

"Well, you do have a point. No one's around…"

"You guys," said Logan. "Those chutes are made of polyethylene, not plastic composites like a slide. So if you go down, it's probably going to hurt."

The three stared at him.

"Dude, how do you even know this stuff?" asked James.

Logan shrugged his shoulders. "My uncle's a contractor."

"It's not gonna break," Carlos insisted. "Besides, it's not even that far of a ride down."

"It's like, two stories. That's not far to you?"

"Nope. Not really."

Kendall clapped a hand on Carlos's back. "Oh, come on, Logan. Let's let him have his fun. When is another opportunity like this going to come around?"

Carlos grinned, happy for Kendall's support.

Logan crossed his arms over his chest. "So where are you gonna land, hmm?"

Carlos's grin faded. Logan smirked smugly, assuming he had won the argument. But Carlos wasn't giving up that easily. "I'll go check the dumpster," he decided, stalking away.

"Hey, wait!" Logan called. The sound of his voice only made Carlos break out into a jog across the street. Logan, Kendall and James trotted after him.

Logan didn't feel right about letting Carlos try out the chute. To him, it was just another reckless stunt that would result in Carlos harming himself. Sure, he had his helmet, but sometimes that was not enough to protect him. But, Logan thought, if Kendall figured it was alright, then maybe it was.

James, on the other hand, thought it would be funny for Carlos to slide down the trash chute. Carlos was always doing some sort of crazy antic, and this was no different. Besides, what was another mild concussion?

Carlos raced ahead of his friends, pausing to look over his shoulders for any sign of construction workers. When he saw no one, he lifted the yellow tape and ducked under, officially entering the construction zone. He heard Logan call out to him again, but ignored him, instead making his way to the dumpster. The orange tube that was the trash chute seemed to beckon him to get closer.

Carlos stood on his tip-toes in order to see the contents of the brown, metal bin. His eyes lit up with delight. "Hey, guys!" he shouted. His friends stood behind the caution tape. Kendall and James were smirking, obviously amused, whereas Logan looked a little nervous. "There's not any broken glass in here at all! The dumpster is filled with this cushiony stuff!"

Sure enough, thick chunks of foam and insulation occupied the bin.

"Go for it," James said, laughing.

Carlos grinned and eagerly ran for the scaffolding. He scaled the ladder quickly - too quickly, in Logan's opinion - and was two stories high in a matter of seconds.

"Be careful," Logan cautioned, feeling his heartbeat quicken. A million warning bells were sounding in his brain. This wasn't safe. This wasn't smart. He shouldn't be allowing this to happen.

He felt a hand on his shoulder. Kendall's eyes met his when he turned his head. "You okay? You look a little pale."

Logan gulped. "Tell him to come down. He is going to get really hurt."

The idea didn't seem so bad in Kendall's head, but when he realized the height at which Carlos was currently stationed, he felt slightly worried. He sneaked a short glance at James, who was waving at Carlos, urging him to toss his body down the chute.

"Hey, Carlos," Kendall called up. "I think Logan's right. Maybe you should come down."

"Oh, I'll come down alright," Carlos responded slyly. He was beaming with excitement. With a broad smile still plastered to his face, he treaded carefully to the other end of the scaffolding. He stood at the edge where the opening to the chute welcomed him. His smile faded a bit when he reached out to touch the edge of the tube. The polyethylene material Logan mentioned didn't seem as though it would carry a comfortable ride down.

He looked away from the chute and down at his friends. From his height, they looked minuscule. Maybe Logan was right. Maybe he shouldn't be doing this.

Carlos pushed his negative thoughts away as quickly as they came. He couldn't back out now. He had already climbed up the scaffolding and was two feet away from the most amazing swirly slide in the world.

"Ready?" Carlos asked. He anxiously jumped in the air.

His breathing abruptly hitched and his goofy smile vanished in an instant. The scaffolding jerked violently, sending him flying to the left. He cried out as his body smashed into the rails. The platform he was standing on began to tilt to the side. Suddenly beginning to panic, he fumbled for a hold on the metal rails which his body was pressed against. As the structure began to tip and Carlos's stomach began to drop to his feet, he tightly gripped the bars and attempted to steady himself.

"_Carlos_!" came a hoarse cry from below. He didn't know who said his name. He could only focus on the ear-splitting screech of snapping metal.

He closed his eyes, heart hammering madly in his chest. A moment later, there was nothing beneath his feet. His hand still clutched the rail, but he was no longer standing. He was airborne.

From below, Kendall, James and Logan watched in pure horror as the scaffolding collapsed and their friend tumbled to the ground. A deep, deafening roar radiated through the air in the moments before Carlos's body hit the pavement. His legs touched first, and through the squeaking metal and snapping boards, a sickening _crack_ followed by a scream pierced through the loudness.

The remainder of the scaffolding proceeded to give way. Large, jagged chunks of wood rained down like spears. Heavy, skinny cylinders of metal clashed and banged against each other as they tumbled downward and struck the ground, bounced back up and rolled left and right.

The boys stared as the boards and poles fell through the air, covering Carlos's body in debris, erasing him from sight.

In his terror, Logan's knees buckled and he collapsed to the sidewalk, though his wide eyes never peeled away from the petrifying scene in front of him.

"_Carlos_!" Kendall shrieked. "_Carlos_!" He sprinted faster than he ever had in his entire life. Broken slabs of wood and bent metal rails littered the ground, making Kendall unable to step around them. Instead, he charged right through, tripping and falling. His shoe caught on a protruding nail and he instantly dropped where he stood, gasping loudly in alarm. He picked himself up, ignoring his stinging elbows and knees, screaming Carlos's name until he reached the spot where his friend had landed.

"Carlos! Carlos, can you hear me? Carlos, please, say something! Come on! _Carlos_!" Frightened tears burned in his eyes as he dropped to his knees and yanked on a board. He hissed in pain as a nail cut deep into the flesh of his palm. "Logan! James! Get over here and _help me_! Call nine-one-one! _Help_!" His screams were so loud that his throat ached. "Carlos! Carlos, can you hear me? Please, man, please, say something!" Bright, red blood gushed from his hand and smeared onto the boards he pried away. Tiny pricks stung his fingers, most likely from splinters.

Behind him, James stayed frozen in place, eyes locked to the location Carlos's body was buried. His mind spun, desperately trying to comprehend what had just happened. It didn't seem real. Nothing seemed real. It was all a dream…

James shook his head. His breathing turned into panicked gasps as he reached with trembling hands into his pocket and groped for his cell phone. He moved his fingers over the buttons as fast as he could manage, but the movement felt as if it were in slow motion. He put the phone to his ear, watching worriedly as Kendall continued to frantically scream and pull at boards.

Should he go help him?

James didn't have much time to decide. He was connected to an operator, and began to rapidly speak into the phone, telling the dispatcher everything she needed to know.

The sound of James's voice snapped Logan back to reality. He scrambled to his feet and stumbled over the caution tape. Like Kendall, he plowed through the wreckage like a bulldozer, ceasing to hesitate even when he nearly lost his balance and tripped to sharp rubble below him.

Logan finally reached Kendall, panting hard, as Kendall struggled to lift a large, heavy board. Though his muscles felt weak and useless, Logan maneuvered to the side and grabbed the other end, grunting as he did so. With great effort, the two boys heaved the board up and tossed it to the side.

Logan gasped and felt his body freeze when he saw what was underneath. "Carlos…"

Carlos laid on his back, his eyes open only a slit, unmoving. His nose was pink and swollen, and two small red trails dripped off to the sides of his face. A cut about his eyebrow leaked blood into one of his bruised eyes. His helmet was nowhere in sight; Logan assumed it had been knocked off his head. Carlos's right leg was twisted into an impossible angle - a sight that made Logan's stomach lurch.

"Carlos!" cried Kendall. He fell back to his knees and placed his uninjured hand on Carlos's cheek. "Wake up," he breathed, voice cracking. "Wake up, Carlos, please. Come on, man, _please_." He gave his cheek a mild slap.

"Wait," stammered Logan, "try n-not to touch him. He could be h-hurt."

The Latino's eyelids slowly fluttered open. His mouth formed a small _o_, but no sound came out. Instead, his body convulsed. He spluttered, blood spraying out of his mouth.

Kendall's heart nearly stopped. He wavered in his fear, almost toppling over. He didn't need Logan's medical knowledge to know that coughing up blood was a bad sign.

"Carlos, hang in there," Kendall pleaded. He ignored Logan's warnings and gingerly cupped Carlos's face in his hands. "Look at me. Carlos. Please. Look at me. You'll be okay. Just… Just hang in there. _Please_. Carlos, please…"

Carlos's breathing came in short, labored gasps. With each breath, his face twisted into an expression of agony. Despite Kendall's orders, his eyes squeezed shut. A strangled, wet cough emitted from his mouth and more blood seeped out, dribbling down his chin and onto the front of his shirt. He gritted his red-stained teeth.

"_Somebody help!_" Kendall shrieked, unaware James was on the phone. "Carlos! Please! Stay with me! _Please_!"

Logan could only stare in horror and in shock as his friend's pained expression quickly began to soften. A tear rolled down his cheek as Carlos's head slumped to the side, and his body went limp.


	2. Only the Start

**A/N: Please keep in mind that though I researched all my information, I am not a doctor. And though this update came pretty fast, but don't start expecting one every few days. Also, it appears this chapter got pretty Kendall-centric. Just so you all know, this story is going to follow Logan and James too, not just Kendall. Thanks for reading! :)**

**

* * *

**

Chapter 2  
Only the Start

Time ticked away agonizingly slow.

Kendall stared at the back Dr. Kendrick's white coat as he walked away. He seemed to move in slow motion. The other doctors, nurses and patients that roamed the halls blurred by, their voices and footsteps only dull buzzes in Kendall's ears.

His stomach twisted and churned, his heart beat was erratic. The bandaged cut on his left hand throbbed and burned. Every part of his body felt completely drained of all energy. Kendall was not even sure how he was managing to stand. He resembled a statue; arms hanging at his sides, green eyes unblinking, feet planted to the white linoleum.

The plainness of the hospital gave it almost an eerie feel. Everything was white. The floors, the walls, the ceilings. The only furniture with any color were the waiting room chairs: a dreary green spotted with stains and tears.

Someone said his name. It sounded muffled and far away. He tried to ignore it, but it seemed to echo.

"Kendall."

He finally blinked. The noises around him became clear. The people wandering the halls resumed their normal paces. He turned his head to look in the eyes of his mother, who was sitting next to Katie in the row of seats across from him. Her eyes were full of concern.

"Sit down, sweetheart," she said gently.

He obeyed, lowering himself back into the uncomfortable chair. He sneaked a glance at Logan, who was seated to his right, his elbows on his knees and his head bowed. Carlos's helmet, which had later been found buried beneath the wreckage, was resting in his lap. A large gash cut across the top.

James sat to Kendall's left, arms crossed and tapping his foot. Upon hearing the doctor's news, he had sat rigidly, nodding in understanding as Dr. Kendrick explained the situation.

For Kendall, the news of Carlos's condition had not yet dawned upon him. Every time his eyes would close - every time he _blinked _- he could still see Carlos laying on the ground. Could still see the boards and poles that surrounded his bruised and broken body. Could still see the blood bubble out of his mouth. His mind failed to wrap around the fact that Carlos was now in an ICU room.

Dr. Kendrick, the man in charge of taking care of Carlos, seemed like a kind gentleman. He was probably in his late thirties, of average height, and with deep brown eyes and dark skin. He greeted the five with a warm smile and a firm handshake. The way he smiled made Kendall feel a bit relieved. He assumed the doctor must have had good news.

However, the moment his hand left the doctor's, Kendall knew he was sadly mistaken. The doctor's information was grim.

Carlos was in a coma. He had arrived at the hospital with six broken ribs, one of which had punctured his right lung. The lung had been repaired by surgery.

Doctors also discovered Carlos had received a cerebral contusion from his fall, meaning some tissue in his brain was bruised, thus causing slight bleeding. At the moment, it was impossible to tell whether or not brain damage would result.

Those were the most severe of his injuries. Carlos also had a broken leg - his tibia was fractured from the fall. His left wrist was also fractured, nose broken, and he acquired some deep tissue bruises on his left thigh where a pole dug into his skin. Other various cuts and bruises dotted his skin. The most chilling part was that he was on a ventilator - a machine which kept him alive. Without it, Carlos would not be able to breathe on his own.

Kendall ran both hands through his hair, sighing. Carlos's accident had occurred just after twelve thirty. Glancing at the clock on the wall, Kendall noted the current time. Seven o'clock PM.

The guys had barely spoken since arriving. Carlos was rushed in an ambulance to the hospital, leaving Kendall, Logan and James standing at the scene, listening to the high pitched squeal of sirens and watching the back of the vehicle disappear down the busy LA streets. Several paramedics had stayed with them even after Mrs. Knight had arrived in her car with Katie in the back seat. From the studio, Gustavo and Kelly had heard the noise and hustled outside. Both were confused, but it was ultimately Gustavo who pushed his way past the policemen and EMTs to demand to know what had happened.

Kendall was fighting off a paramedic who wanted to examine his blood-soaked hand, so James and Logan were the ones forced to explain to Gustavo, Kelly and Mrs. Knight about the incident that had just occurred.

The paramedic who was battling Kendall encouraged him to go to the hospital to get some stitches for his hand - news that nearly caused Mrs. Knight to have a heart attack in her worry. Kelly grabbed her arm to steady her as she wobbled on her feet, fear pounding through her as she imagined her son meeting the same fate as Carlos.

Logan and James kept their distance as Kendall continued to claim he was fine. The laceration on his hand gushed blood. It dripped to the pavement and onto his jeans and shoes. But as Kendall was busy resisting, a sudden idea flashed through his brain. If he was taken to the hospital, he could maybe see Carlos.

"Okay," Kendall gave in, "I'll go, I'll go!"

The EMTs stood scratching their heads at Kendall's change of heart. He raced towards a parked ambulance and hopped inside. "Come on!"

Mrs. Knight took Logan and James in her car along with Katie, and the four sped after the ambulance. Kendall hardly remembered the five minute ride. He recalled only leaping out of the backdoors before the vehicle had came to a complete stop, and dashing past shouting paramedics and through the emergency room doors. He was frantic. Carlos was the only person on his mind. He had to know what was happening. Had to know if he was okay.

Two female nurses had to restrain him as he kicked and thrashed his body, desperately fighting to get out of their unrelenting grips. A passing doctor stopped to help, calling for security as he did so.

The scene had eventually calmed, and Kendall had reluctantly been taken to an examination room. Five stitches had been sewn into his palm, and when he was released, he stumbled into the waiting room area where his mother, sister, and two friends were waiting. Mrs. Knight smothered him a tight hug and Katie affectionately elbowed him in the side. He exchanged brotherly pats to the back with Logan and James, then took a seat, all in autopilot.

A hour passed in silence. Kelly and Gustavo dropped by to get a bit more informed on the current situation. They stayed for at least an hour, but news of Carlos's condition was not revealed, and they needed to get back to the studio. Kelly made the guys promise to call the moment they heard any news.

More time passed. Kendall knew he had never been more frightened in his entire life. He forced himself to take deep, calming breaths. He sat on his hands to keep them from shaking. Tapped his foot to hide the fact that his knees were wobbling. A sheen of sweat kept forming across his forehead, which he would dab away with the sleeve of his shirt. The fear he was experiencing seemed to consume his entire body. His muscles were too weak for him to stand. His throat was too dry for him to speak. His heart was hammering in his chest so loudly that his hearing became impaired as well.

Occasionally he would look over at James and Logan. They never met his eyes. Kendall figured they were just as afraid as he was. Kendall also knew he had to get his own emotions under control before he could comfort his friends.

Mrs. Knight abruptly stood from her seat, snapping Kendall out of his recollection of the day's events.

He looked up at the clock once more. 7:05 PM.

"I better call the Garcias," she said quietly. She had already spoken to Carlos's parents three times on the phone, and had promised to call the moment she found out anything new regarding his condition.

Kendall nodded and watched her leave the surprisingly empty waiting room. No one else sat in the stained green chairs. It was only them. A TV filled in one corner of the room, the volume muted. Magazines and informational brochures cluttered side tables but were ignored.

The heavy atmosphere seemed to alter into one less tense. Mrs. Knight's words cast the boys out of their concentrated trances. To Kendall's left, James exhaled loudly and shifted positions. On the other side, Logan cleared his throat and clutched Carlos's helmet a little closer. Even Katie leaned forward to stretch her arms and legs. She sniffled as she did so. Kendall could see a slight blush creep into her cheeks, and she quickly glanced up at her brother to see if she'd been caught. She had. "Katie," Kendall started, heartbroken that his sister was so affected. "Are you… crying?"

Logan and James looked up. Katie narrowed her sparkling eyes and crossed her arms over her chest. "No," she muttered. "I just have allergies, is all."

"Katie," Kendall breathed. He stood and proceeded to approach his sister. The movement caused a sudden rush of blood to his head. He blinked away black spots and plopped down in the chair previously occupied by his mother. He looped an arm around Katie and pulled her close to his side.

She made a face and appeared to be slightly embarrassed by the action. When Kendall didn't budge, she sighed and gave in, snuggling close to her brother as tears pooled in her eyes.

All the boys knew Katie was a tough kid. She was in diapers when they had last witnessed her shed a tear. Seeing Katie so upset was another thing that made their stomachs twist with anxiety.

Kendall kept his arm around his sister until Mrs. Knight reentered the room several minutes later. "Carlos's parents are still working on getting a flight to LA," she said. "And I called Kelly and Gustavo to keep them in the loop…" She trailed off when she noticed her children. In front of Katie's chair, Mrs. Knight bent down to her level. "Katie, honey, are you alright?"

Katie nodded somberly.

Another small whimper could be heard. Kendall looked down. The noise didn't come from Katie.

Across the room, Logan sniffled and pulled his knees to his chest. He turned his head away. Kendall watched at his back began to quiver.

He knew it would happen sooner or later. Someone would lose it, and then they all would start giving in, one by one. Kendall's brow crinkled together in empathy.

Logan made a noise that resembled a repressed hiccup. Kendall assumed for the moment that he was correct, but when Logan made the noise again, this time followed by some sniffles, he became much more concerned. He was about to open his mouth to offer some comforting words, when Logan suddenly sprang to his feet.

He quickly wiped at his eyes, declared he was leaving for the bathroom, then walked out of the room and down the hall.

Kendall exchanged a glance with James - the first time they had made eye contact in hours. Then Kendall looked back at his mother, who could only offer a slight nod.

James and Kendall wordlessly stood, heading off after their friend. The restrooms were only a short walk away. They took a right immediately after exiting the waiting room, then walked down a short, blinding white hall past several vending machines. The men's restrooms were on the left. Kendall's legs felt like Jell-O as he walked.

Upon entering the restrooms, the boys saw Logan leaning against the counter. Tears rolled down his cheeks and dripped off his chin, landing in the sink below. His hands and his knees were visibly shaking.

James and Kendall looked at each other once more, each unsure of how to approach Logan. James gestured for Kendall to step forward. Aside from when they were younger, Kendall and James had never seen Logan cry, and it worried them.

Kendall always tried to act confident, like he knew what he was doing. But what was he going to say to Logan? 'Don't worry, everything will be okay'? He wouldn't be comfortable telling that to Logan - it might be a lie.

Kendall cleared his throat. "Uh… Logan?"

He whimpered in response, bringing a hand up to wipe his cheeks clean of tears. They only stayed dry for a few seconds.

Kendall could feel a lump form in his throat as he approached his friend. He draped an arm around Logan's shoulder. He looked straight ahead at the mirror, watching his friend's reflection continue to tremble and sniffle. From behind them, James stepped forward and clapped a hand on Logan's back.

"We'll get through this, Logan," Kendall said, keeping his voice low and even. He himself was beginning to feel emotional, but he knew he needed to be strong for his friends. Now was definitely not the time to show his tears. He was at a loss for words, so he repeated himself. "We'll get through this."

"Being in a coma isn't exactly a good sign," Logan sniveled, leaning into Kendall's side.

"Come on, dude, we can't think like that," said James, eyes glassy. He moved his hand from Logan's back to his other shoulder and stood a little closer, sandwiching Logan between him and Kendall.

Logan began to furiously wipe at his eyes and nose. His friends' touches were comforting and made his tense muscles relax a bit, but his stomach still ached with a sickening feeling of trepidation. He didn't want to cry any longer. Kendall and James were being strong, so he should be, too.

He was thankful that his friends allowed him a couple minutes of silence to pull himself together. It was more difficult to cease his tears than he expected. His mind kept drifting to Carlos. It seemed so unreal, like he was trapped in a horrendous nightmare. Any moment he would wake up and everything would be normal again.

His heart thumped faster with panic as the frightening thoughts of never seeing his friend again scrolled through his mind. More saline drops splashed into the sink, and Logan inwardly cursed.

It was apparent to the other two boys that Logan was getting frustrated with himself. "It's okay, Logan," Kendall whispered.

Five long minutes later, Logan was ready to rejoin Kendall's mother and sister in the waiting room. James found himself fighting away the urge to fall to his knees as he shuffled out of the restroom behind Kendall and Logan. Seeing his dark-haired friend so distraught nearly made James lose it. His long legs felt like noodles, and there were several times where he stumbled, reaching out to the wall to steady himself. Luckily, Logan or Kendall didn't notice.

The boys found their way to the waiting room once more, instantly feeling as though they were being sucked into a dreary cloud. They could hardly stand the thought of sitting in the lumpy cushions and staring at the whites of the walls and floors for who knew how long.

Mrs. Knight eyed the boys carefully as they dragged themselves into the room and slumped into their seats. Minutes began to pass.

Kendall shifted uncomfortably in his chair. His hand was beginning to bother him again. From underneath the tightly wrapped gauze he could feel the gash throb. Each pulsating thump was a painful reminder of the events that occurred earlier in the day.

He gritted his teeth and tried to focus on something else.

Kendall looked at Logan. He was picking Carlos's helmet up from the floor and replacing it on his lap. The big, ugly scuff mark etched into the plastic seemed to be glaring at Kendall. Carlos wore his helmet to protect his head, and yet he still received a contusion. What a great job that did.

He gazed at his sister, her red-rimmed eyes focused on the floor, head leaning against her mother's shoulder. She looked so vulnerable, so innocent. So afraid…

"Do you guys want me to run and grab you something to eat?" Mrs. Knight asked, interrupting his thoughts.

Upon glancing at the clock, Kendall noted it was about seven thirty. The boys hadn't eaten since lunchtime, but they were not hungry. Worry and fear had filled their bodies, leaving no room for food.

All three friends shook their heads.

"Katie, honey? How about you?"

Katie shrugged. "I'll just grab something out of the vending machines."

Mrs. Knight made a face at the thought of her child eating a candy bar for dinner. "Don't they have fruit machines or something?"

To Kendall's surprise, Logan spoke up. "There's vending machines down that way that have microwavable sandwiches and stuff," he said, pointing down the hall. His voice was hoarse and gravelly.

"Oh," said Mrs. Knight, obviously more content. She grabbed her purse from the floor and rifled around until she produced five one dollar bills. "Okay, let's go."

Katie stood, but hesitated. "…Can Kendall take me?"

Kendall looked up, confused to some extent. "Sure, I guess," he murmured, tiredly getting to his feet. Mrs. Knight handed him the money and the two took off, leaving her, Logan and James alone in the dismal room.

Kendall silently led his sister to the right and down the unnecessarily bright hall. A small, door-less room lay to one side. Two vending machines and a pop machine lined the wall facing them. To the right were a few tables meant to seat two people each, and to the left was a counter, atop it a coffee machine, Styrofoam cups, napkins, a microwave, and a water cooler. The smell of the room was actually quite pleasant.

Kendall smoothed the bills in his hand before handing them to Katie. She wordlessly accepted them and approached a machine. It was a rotating one, where buttons would direct which way the table in the center would turn, showing off a wide variety of snacks. The second vending machine was a normal style one, where when change or dollar bills were entered and a code was punched in, a candy bar or bag of chips would fall from the display.

Katie pressed a button on the fancier appliance, making a 'hmm' noise under her breath as she evaluated her choices. She eventually settled on a microwavable rib sandwich. The package read that the expiration date was today.

The sandwich didn't seem as appealing as Katie placed it in the microwave and set the timer for two minutes. Her brother was standing in the table area, staring at the walls with his uninjured hand stuffed into his jeans pocket. Instead of the harsh, annoying white the rest of the hospital was painted, the walls in the room were a light green - the same tone as the waiting room chairs.

"Do you want anything?" Katie asked, holding out the dollar bills.

Kendall shook his head, not bothering to face her.

Katie frowned. She waited for her sandwich to finish heating before tearing off the wrappings and making her way to one of the tables in the corner of the small room. The bread felt soggy in her hands. She picked the bun off the top of the sandwich, checking for anything uneatable. Her stomach suddenly told her she wasn't hungry.

Katie sighed loudly and pushed the rejected sandwich aside. "I hate this."

Her words caused a slight smile to curve Kendall's lips. He pulled up a chair across the table from her. "That bad, huh?"

"No," she said. "This. All of this. I hate it."

Kendall's smirk disappeared as he understood. "Oh." He paused and lowered his voice. "Yeah, me too."

Katie knew it must have been absolutely horrifying for her brother to have witnessed Carlos's accident. His bandaged hand kept reminding her that Kendall had been on his hands and knees attempting to free Carlos from the wreckage. She knew that deep down, he must be terrified. It was a stupid question to ask, but she pressed on anyway: "Are you scared?"

Kendall was caught off guard. He opened his mouth, then closed it, fumbling for words. He scratched at his head, stalling for time to think of a response. "…Are you?"

"No, Kendall, I'm not worried at all," she grumbled sarcastically. "Of course I'm scared! What's going to happen to him? What if he doesn't come out of the coma?"

Kendall's eyes flashed - Katie wasn't sure if it was realization or surprise at her words - and he fell back into silence.

For the next couple minutes Kendall stared as Katie poked at her unappetizing meal with her finger, making indents in the mushy bun. He had a desire to take his baby sister in his arms and tell her everything would be okay. But even though he wanted to, his limbs wouldn't function right. His tongue would be unable to form the words. That knowledge made Kendall feel even worse. He was Katie's older brother and leader to Big Time Rush. He was supposed to be confident and know just what to do and what to say when faced with crisis situations.

So why didn't he?

"When do you think we can see Carlos?" Katie wondered, brown eyes still glued to the table. "I mean, if he's in a coma, it's just like he's sleeping, right?"

The thought hadn't even crossed Kendall's mind. Why didn't he think of that earlier? It had been eight hours since the ambulance brought Carlos to the hospital. Surely they could drop by to say hi.

"Let's find out." Kendall rose to his feet, Katie following. The sandwich was disposed in the trash on the way out.

The siblings walked at a quick pace down the short hall. Katie stopped when they reached the waiting room, but Kendall continued marching forward. He planted himself in front of the check-in desk.

"Hey," he greeted the young nurse. "Me and my friends and family have been waiting since twelve thirty to see my friend. When can we visit him?"

The nurse blinked at his curtness. Her fingers began moving over the keyboard in front of her. "Name?"

"Kendall Knight."

The woman punched in a few more keys. She frowned as her eyes scanned the computer screen. "I'm sorry, but a Kendall Knight hasn't been checked in. I'll search again -"

"No," said Kendall, clenching his right fist in sudden frustration. "_I'm_ Kendall Knight. I want to see my friend Carlos. Carlos Garcia."

"Oh, sorry about that," she replied politely. This time when her rapid fingers clicked on the keys, she gave a nod. "The patient is stable in an ICU room right now. Only immediate family members are allowed to visit."

Kendall rolled his eyes.

From behind him, Mrs. Knight hustled over, sensing her son was about to get himself in hot water. With confused looks, James and Logan joined her.

"Sweetheart, what's going on?" she asked, her hand finding a place on his shoulder.

Kendall ignored her, his attention solely on the nurse. "Come on, I'm his best friend! We've known each other since forever. Lived together for nearly a year. I count him as family!"

The woman offered a sympathetic look. "I'm really sorry, but those are the rules."

Kendall growled under his breath. "Please, there has to be someone I can talk to about this."

She glanced at the computer screen. "I can call Dr. Kendrick and let him know. But right now he's with another patient, so you'll have to wait."

Kendall groaned angrily and turned sharply on his heel, heading back to the waiting room. Logan, James and Mrs. Knight slowly followed, unsure of how to react.

* * *

It was an hour later when Dr. Kendrick was finally available. He explained that at the moment, only next of kin could enter. Much to everyone's disappointment, they couldn't visit Carlos. Dr. Kendrick did tell of a room on the second floor where someone could spend the night. Kendall, James and Logan immediately volunteered. Mrs. Knight decided she would take Katie back to the apartment, but it was okay that the boys stayed. Before the three started for the elevators, she gave James and Logan gentle pats on the back and gave her son a hug and a kiss on the cheek. She told Kendall she would call in the morning when she and Katie were going to return to the hospital.

"Wait, do you need me to run home and get your jammies? Or what about blankets and pillows? It might be chilly in there, I don't want -"

"We'll be fine, Mom. We can handle roughing it for a night."

More goodbyes were exchanged, and Mrs. Knight and Katie left the building just after nine o'clock, taking Carlos's helmet with them. Kendall, James and Logan headed for the elevators.

The three wordlessly stepped into the small box and pressed the button that would send them to their destination. No one moved as they rode up. The door opened and they stepped into the white hall, passing patients' rooms and nurses' desks. The room the doctor spoke of was located at the very end of the hall near a second set of elevators. The lights were off, but the door was unlocked.

Kendall entered first. It was nice room. The walls were an unfortunate white, but at least the carpet was navy blue. Two arm chairs sat in the center of the room, and a matching couch in front of those. A TV stood on a small stand in one corner. On the other side, a counter spanned the wall, a microwave, sink, coffee pot, and mini fridge atop it. A vase of flowers rested on the coffee table in between the two arm chairs in an attempt to give the room a touch of cheer.

"Where do you guys want to sleep?" asked Kendall. His voice was monotone.

Logan and James shrugged. "I guess I'll take a chair," murmured James.

"Me too," said Logan.

Kendall sighed, watching his friends drop their bodies into the chairs and squirm until they got comfortable. Logan turned his back to Kendall and James and shut his eyes. The brown-haired boy only crossed his arms and stared at the ceiling.

Kendall sighed and flipped the light switch. The blinds were drawn shut, but the light from the hall kept a dim glow to the room. His eyes were closed before he collapsed onto the couch, fully aware he would get little to no sleep.

The boys didn't need to speak to each other to know the day was only the start of a long and anguishing journey ahead of them.


	3. The Leader

**A/N: I haven't finished writing chapter four yet, so another update may not come until next week. Thank you very much for reading! And make sure to stay tuned for the next chapter, because things are going to get way more complicated for the guys.****

* * *

**

Chapter 3  
The Leader

James couldn't sleep.

He could hear the rustling of Kendall tossing and turning on the couch, so he assumed the blond was wide awake as well. James kept his body in the most comfortable position he was able while resting upright in a chair, but sleep was positively not going to take over his body. He tilted his head back and stared upwards, doing his best to count ceiling tiles in the dark. It was a nice attempt to occupy himself, but his thoughts would never fail to wander.

It wasn't Carlos who frequently appeared in his mind - it was his scream. James would forever be haunted by the unfamiliar, high-pitched shriek of terror and agony Carlos emitted as his body hit the pavement. It rung endlessly in his ears. Rewound itself over and over again like a tape player, sounding off in the back of his mind.

Nothing could pull his mind away from it. The recurrent, inhuman noise would be there as long as he lived.

Logan was in his thoughts, too. James recalled seeing him lean over the sink in the restroom, tears streaming down his red cheeks. Just the thought of his friend being so upset bothered James to no end. He had never seen Logan cry like that before.

A sudden movement caught the corner of his eyes. James flopped over in his chair, squinting in the darkness. His heart beat quickened as strange wheezing noises came from Logan's direction.

Kendall heard it also. "What's going on?" he whispered, tiredly lifting his head.

As James's eyes began to adjust to the shadows on his left, he realized it was Logan who was breathing strangely. His hands were gripping the arms of the chair, and from the dim light that shone in from the hall, James could see his eyes shine with tears.

"Logan?" he mumbled, sitting up straighter.

The dark-haired boy began to gasp and whimper. James's grim feelings vanished and was instantly replaced by nervousness and bewilderment.

From the couch, Kendall stood and fumbled across the room until he located the light switch. He flipped it on, squinting his eyes as his pupils shrunk. "What's going on?" he repeated, noting Logan was blanched and trembling.

"Woah, hey," said James, springing to his feet. Momentarily disoriented, he tripped over his own feet. Luckily, he caught himself and paused for a moment to regain his balance before hurrying to his friend. "Dude, what's wrong? What happened?"

Kendall appeared by their side a second later, reaching out to grab Logan's shaking arm. "Sit on the couch. Come on."

Still slightly confused, James took hold of Logan's other arm and the two boys dragged him across the carpet and to the couch Kendall used as a bed. The way they practically had to carry him made James even more uneasy.

Logan kept his watery eyes locked on the floor as he plopped down on the couch. James and Kendall took a seat on either side of him, Kendall's hand automatically finding it's way to Logan's shoulder.

"Logan, look at me," said Kendall. Dark circles underlined his eyes and his blond hair was disheveled, sticking up at all angles.

Logan didn't hear Kendall over the sound of his own rapid breaths.

"Should… Should we call for a nurse?" wondered James, growing more and more concerned as he watched his friend practically hyperventilate.

"We just have to calm him down," responded Kendall, turning back to Logan. "Hey, man, look at me, okay?" His voice came out a little louder.

Logan swallowed hard before casting his eyes to meet his friend's. "You need to calm down, alright? Look. We're right here. Me and James - we're here. You're fine."

James deeply admired Kendall for his leadership skills. He was always so confident and knew just what to do and what things to say. With Kendall around, James felt a little more calm and relaxed. He always kept everything under control and everyone together.

"James, get him some water."

"Right," he replied, springing into action. He approached the counter that lined the wall behind the couch. A plastic bag containing Styrofoam cups sat next to the coffee pot. James struggled with tearing open the bag, but eventually retrieved a cup. He stuck it under the running faucet, then rushed back to Logan. "Here."

Logan nodded in thanks, taking the cup in his quivering hands. He brought it to his lips and sipped. The cool liquid felt soothing in his throat.

"Did you have a bad dream or something?" asked Kendall, letting his arm fall back to his side.

Logan shook his head. Kendall exchanged glances with James. They waited silently for Logan to take another drink. His breathing eventually calmed and became relatively normal, so Kendall and James patiently awaited an explanation.

"I'm sorry."

They looked at each other for a second time. Logan only stared into his cup.

"For what?" James's voice was soft.

"Waking you up," Logan replied with a sigh. "I'm sorry."

Though he was completely void of any anger or frustration, Kendall decided to offer a deal. "Tell us what just happened and we'll forgive you."

Logan shifted uncomfortably in his seat, eyes regaining their glassy shine. "I had a dream," he started, struggling to keep his voice even. "A good dream. We were all back in Minnesota, playing hockey at the rink. And I felt really happy and peaceful. When I woke up… I realized my dream wasn't real. And that reality is a nightmare, you know?" He once again cast his eyes shamefully away. "And I guess I just… freaked. I'm sorry."

Kendall licked his lips. "Well…" He stopped, searching for words. "I wasn't sleeping anyway."

"Me either," said James.

Logan twisted his body around to get a look at the wall clock. It was almost three in the morning. He sighed, not wanting to go back to sleep. All he wanted to do was see Carlos. "Look," Kendall suddenly said. Logan sensed a pep talk coming on. "This is hard, and we're all upset and scared. But it's not like Carlos is…" He trailed off, unable to speak a certain word. Kendall ran a hand through his already messy hair and continued. "He's still alive. A whole bunch of people come out of comas. I'm sure he'll be okay. Besides, Carlos gets hurt all the time. And he always gets better." His speech gave his mouth a bad taste and caused his palms to moisten. Similar physical changes occurred rarely. Kendall could only recall the same thing happening one other occasion when he was twelve and told James the bulky, unsightly leather coat he purchased looked great on him.

"He's right," agreed James. "Come on, Logan, you read _Future Doctor_. You know some stuff about this, right?"

In fact, Logan did know a bit about comas. He knew many people recovered in the first few days, some the first few weeks. But Logan also knew not to be too optimistic. Some people stay in comas for years. Some wake up, but suffer from brain damage. Most never fully recover. And Carlos's case was worse. He was on a ventilator. The machine was breathing for him, keeping him alive. Logan wondered if Kendall and James understood the severity of the situation, but didn't want to ask.

A hand clapped Logan's back. "You gonna be okay?" asked Kendall.

He shrugged in response, settling himself into the cushions of the couch. It was much more comfortable than the arm chair.

Kendall stood to hit the lights. The room went mostly dark and the three boys found desirable positions on the couch, wordlessly deciding to stay beside each other for the rest of the night.

* * *

As the morning sun rose, the room failed to get brighter. The curtains on the windows were tightly shut, allowing no golden beams to seep through. Kendall snapped awake upon hearing an electronic-sounding ringing.

A near-tear inducing sense of relief flooded his body. Unfortunately, it was short lived. For a split second, Kendall believed Carlos's accident was all a dream. He looked around the room, getting his bearings as he came out of sleep. He sighed disappointedly as he comprehended his location. Not his bedroom. Not even his apartment. The hospital.

His body felt drained of energy and his eyelids were heavy. He must not have dozed off for very long.

As Kendall realized the noise was emanating from his pocket, he struggled to sit upright. His muscles were stiff and achy, and his wounded hand pulsated hard behind its bandage. He reached for his cell phone. Suddenly he became aware that Logan's head was resting on his shoulder, and he did his best not to disturb him.

"H'lo?" he murmured tiredly.

"Hi, honey," greeted his mother on the other line. "Did I wake you?"

Kendall yawned, keeping his voice low. "Kind of." The clock behind him was impossible to read in the dark. "What time is it?"

"Almost seven," Mrs. Knight replied. "Katie and I are getting ready to come to the hospital. Do you need me to bring anything?"

Kendall racked his brain. He could never think well in the morning, especially after getting perhaps an hour or two of sleep. "I don't think so."

"Well, I'll bring over a change of clothes for each of you. How are James and Logan? Did you guys get any sleep?"

Kendall shook his head, then realized his mother couldn't see him. "Uh, I don't know. They're both sleeping right now, I think." He almost told his mom about Logan's panic attack, but decided against it.

Concern laced Mrs. Knight's voice. "What about you?"

"I nodded off a little bit ago."

There was a small pause between the two. Finally, Mrs. Knight said, "Okay, sweetie. I'll be over soon. I love you."

"Love you too, Mom," said Kendall. They said goodbye and Kendall slapped his cell phone shut. He glanced over at his friends. Logan's head was still leaning against Kendall's shoulder. His knees were tucked underneath his body and his arms were crossed over his chest. James's legs were spread apart and one arm dangled off the side of the couch, mouth hanging slightly open. He looked like he was unconscious.

Kendall stood from the couch and stretched his creaky arms. A rush of blood to his head temporarily blinded him, but it dissipated as quickly as it appeared. He yawned once more before reaching down to gently shake Logan's shoulder.

"Logan, wake up." He felt slightly guilty about making his friends come to after they had just fallen asleep, and briefly considered leaving them in the room to rest and greeting his mother on his own. But it was too late. Logan groaned and opened his eyes.

"Mmph…" he mumbled, extending his limbs. "Wha' time's it?"

"Almost seven," said Kendall, walking towards the light switch. "Mom and Katie are getting ready to come over here."

The room became bright, and Logan rubbed at his eyes as they adjusted. He nudged James with his elbow. "Hey. Wake up."

James twitched, nearly falling off the couch. "What?" he cried, eyes darting across the room. "What happened?"

Logan blinked in surprise. "Nothing, we just have to get up."

"Oh." James's body relaxed. He yawned and rolled his stiff shoulders. He hadn't expected to fall asleep. But knowing Logan and Kendall were beside him made him feel a bit at ease, and his whirling thoughts eventually calmed, allowing him to lull into a light slumber.

The two boys pulled themselves from the couch and joined Kendall near the door, groggily exiting the room. They shuffled slowly down the hall and to the first set of elevators. Passing nurses offered friendly smiles, but the boys knew they were forced. They figured they resembled zombies - heels scraping the floor, shoulders slumped, deep circles under their eyes, messy hair and wrinkled clothes.

The elevator ride was silent, as it was the night before. They reached the ground floor of the hospital. Logan and James followed Kendall as he approached the front desk.

"Excuse me," he said, "but I need to know if my friend is still doing okay. Carlos Garcia."

"Are you his family?" the nurse asked, eyebrows raised. She was older than the others. Her graying hair was piled into a messy bun, and her glasses looked as if they were about to slide off her nose.

"Yes," Kendall lied. He didn't lie often, but his 'yes' didn't feel like a lie at all. He was comfortable admitting Carlos was family.

Like the nurse the day before, the woman pressed a few buttons on the keyboard and squinted at the computer screen. "Patient is stable in ICU." It was all she said.

Kendall muttered a thanks and stalked away, obviously peeved by the woman's response. It was the same thing he heard yesterday. The doctors were supposed to help him get better. Instead, Carlos's situation was unchanging. Were they not doing their jobs?

The boys turned, ready to sit again in the dreaded waiting room until Mrs. Knight and Katie arrived.

Logan was the first to notice lack of a pair of footsteps. He stopped and looked behind him. "Where'd James go?"

Kendall halted as well, craning his neck to gaze down the hall. Only then did he notice they had passed the restrooms. The two boys entered and saw that James was not using the bathroom at all - he was shoving his head underneath a faucet.

"Uh, James? What are you doing?" asked Kendall, making a face.

"Dude," he said, water trickling into his mouth. "Did you not see all those hot nurses? I can't let them see me looking like this! I haven't showered in _two days_."

Kendall and Logan exchanged glances before simultaneously looking down at their clothes and fingering a lock of greasy hair. They were so crunched for time yesterday that they never got a chance to shower in the morning. And the rest of the day was spent at the hospital.

Logan made a face, lifting his arm and taking a whiff. He coughed.

James was busy scrubbing at his head. "You know, I think I feel something coming on," he said, pretending to sniffle. "Maybe I should check myself in so I can have hot nurses take care of me."

Logan felt a smirk slowly curve his lips. "Hot nurses, huh? You talking about that lady at the front desk?"

Kendall snickered. James frowned and twisted the handle on the sink, ceasing the water flow. "Not her. That blonde that walked by." He sighed dreamily, oblivious to the water dripping off his hair and onto his shirt.

Kendall and Logan sported amused looks as James pressed the button on the hand dryer and stuck his head under, using his lucky comb to smooth out the tangles and snarls.

"You should start carrying those mini shampoo bottles you get at hotels," said Kendall. It was meant to be a joke, but James's eyes lit up at the suggestion as if he were seriously considering it.

They waited patiently for him to finish. By the time they left the room and wandered back to the waiting area, Mrs. Knight and Katie were sitting in chairs. Mrs. Knight stood to give her son a hug.

"How are you doing?" she asked him.

Kendall shrugged. "Okay, I guess."

She turned back to her chair. When she faced him again, she held up a stack of clean clothes.

"Yes! Thank you!" cried James, taking the pile and racing back towards the restrooms.

* * *

The change of clothes made Logan felt less sloppy and gross and a bit more ready to take on the day. Mrs. Knight had brought him a clean pair of jeans and a t-shirt. He pulled the button-up sweater that he wore yesterday onto his arms, which were prickly with goose bumps.

Kendall was especially relieved. He hadn't noticed earlier, but as he peeled off his shirt and jeans in the restroom he saw the drops of rusty-colored blood that stained the fabric. He glanced down at his hand and traced a finger over the bandage. Thoughts of Carlos laying on the ground and red liquid seeping from his mouth intruded his thoughts, and Kendall wondered if any of the blood on his clothes was that of his friend's. The consideration chilled him.

As the three made their way once again to the waiting room, the guys noticed Katie brought with her a notebook and pen so she could doodle while she waited. Mrs. Knight had a romance novel sitting by her purse.

"Boys," she said, "have you eaten breakfast yet?"

All three shook their heads. Mrs. Knight grabbed her wallet from her purse and produced two five-dollar bills, distributing one to each of the guys, excluding her son. James and Logan were reluctant to accept them. She dug around in her wallet for another bill, but eventually handed Kendall five ones. "There's a cafeteria down the hall. You guys didn't have supper, so I want you to go grab something to eat, okay?"

"Thanks, Mrs. Knight," Logan and James said in unison. Kendall offered a warm smile. It was a long walk down the hall, but it felt good to move after sleeping on the hard couch. The walk allowed a chance to stretch their aching legs.

The cafeteria was surprisingly large and homey. It reminded Kendall of the kitchen in his old house back in Minnesota. The room felt a few degrees warmer than the rest of the building and the calming scent of brewing coffee filled his nose. He gazed around the room. To the left was a wide sitting area, filled with tables and booths. A few people were in chairs eating breakfast with solemn, tired faces. Kendall wondered why they were here. What happened to their friend or family member?

Logan and James started forward, eyeing the menu board dangling above the front counter. Both boys doubted they could stomach a big breakfast, so they took a right, examining their other choices. Bowls of fruit sat on one side of the counter that ran along the side of the pale yellow walls. Tiny squares of paper stood next to the item, showing the price. Logan chose a forty-nine cent banana and continued on behind James, who was contemplating his choice of cereal.

Kendall lagged behind, dragging his fingers over the table as he walked. Doughnuts, muffins and scones occupied a tray next to a glass refrigerator packed with yogurt, half-pint milk cartons, juice boxes, and other chilled foods. He was beginning to feel hungry, but nothing looked appealing.

As James and Logan went to pay for their food, Kendall eventually settled on a blueberry muffin. He followed his friends to the sitting area after handing the cashier a dollar and telling him to keep the change. The three picked a table in the corner of the room, as far away from the other people as possible.

James popped open the spout on his milk carton and poured it into his plastic bowl of cereal. Logan peeled his banana. He stared at it for a long moment before finally taking a bite.

Kendall's muffin sat untouched on the table. He changed his mind. He wasn't going to eat it.

The dark-haired boy across from him stopped chewing, keeping his eyes downcast. Kendall could tell he was pondering something serious. He was probably thinking about Carlos. The Latino was a huge breakfast eater. He would have a tray piled high with one of each item available. Then he wouldn't have enough money to buy all his food and would ask his friends, promising to pay them back later. He always did, too. Sometimes it just took a month or two.

Logan ultimately spoke up, lowering his fruit to the table. "It's all my fault," he whispered.

James stopped mid-chew, looking first to Logan, then to Kendall. The blond leaned forward in his seat. "Logan -"

"No," snapped Logan. "I knew it was stupid and dangerous. I knew he could get really hurt and I didn't stop him." That was always his problem when he was younger. When the guys were in elementary school, a certain boy would always pick on Logan during recess. He was too timid to stand up for himself, but when Kendall, James and Carlos found out the bully was shoving Logan around and stealing his lunch money, they took matters into their own hands. It resulted in a few black eyes and a visit to the principal's office.

Logan clenched his fists underneath the table. Why didn't he learn his lesson? If he didn't standup for himself and clearly voice his opinions, his friends would get hurt.

Kendall's face reddened slightly, granting him the appearance of being a bit frustrated. "No," he said. "Carlos always listens to me. If I would have told him not to do it, he wouldn't have."

"You did tell him," Logan argued.

"Yeah, at first. Then I changed my mind and told him another opportunity like that wouldn't come around again."

"Hey," James cut in, "what about me? I was _encouraging_ him. I… I cheered him on." He pushed his cereal away, looking disgusted and ashamed.

"But it's not like you knew what was going to happen," cried Logan, earning head turns from several people in the eating area.

"You didn't either," pointed out Kendall. Logan's facial expression softened as he realized he had indeed just contradicted himself. He turned his head away.

"I guess none of us knew it. Yeah, we maybe got bad feelings, but… I mean, nothing like this is supposed to happen, right?" Kendall took a long pause. No one moved. "We can agree that we are all partly to blame, or none of us are to blame, or whatever. Either way, it doesn't matter anymore. We need to just wait for Carlos to get better."

James and Logan remained silent and motionless for a while longer. Kendall sighed and poked at the muffin in front of him. He used his index finger and thumb to pluck off a spongy crumb and plop it into his mouth. It wasn't much, but his stomach thanked him.

"What if he doesn't get better, Kendall?" Though he was referred to as the leader of the group, he was somewhat caught off guard by the question directed at him.

"He will get better," Kendall said to Logan. He hoped his friend didn't notice the uncertainty in his tone. "He always gets better."

"But he's not even breathing on his own," Logan said. His brow was crinkled together, brown eyes shimmering. "Do you guys know what a ventilator is? It's a machine attached to a tube that goes down Carlos's throat. It's breathing for him. Without it, he's…"

"I know," replied Kendall, his voice soft. And he did know. The reality was just difficult for him to understand. Obviously that was not the case for Logan. Kendall wasn't sure if he should feel grateful or unfortunate that the situation hadn't fully sunken in yet.

"So what if he _does _wake up?" James wondered. "What if he has amnesia or something?" James had seen movies and TV shows where a character would receive a head injury and have no idea who their closest friends or family were upon waking.

"Then he'd be lucky," muttered Logan. "For all we know, he could be a vegetable for the rest of his life."

James wasn't sure what Logan meant by 'vegetable'. Surely not the kind one is supposed to consume three to five servings of a day. Either way, he didn't press on. Instead, he turned back to his breakfast and brought his soon up to his lips, chewing slowly. Logan abandoned his half-eaten fruit, but Kendall continued to absentmindedly pick at the muffin top and pop crumbs into his mouth.

The boys sat in silence for at least five more minutes. James eventually finished eating and Kendall ceased poking at his food by the time Logan spoke again. "So what are we gonna do today? Wait at the hospital until Carlos's parents get here?"

Kendall shrugged. "I guess."

"I want to see him," said James.

Kendall and Logan both nodded in agreement. "I'll talk to the nurse," Kendall said.

"Maybe you should let me do it," said James, forcing a smirk. He really didn't feel like joking around, but he hoped it would lighten the mood a bit. "There's no way she can resist my," he waved his hands in front of his face, "profound good looks and charm."

James did manage to earn an amused chuckle from Logan. Kendall just rolled his eyes. "Be my guest."

As the boys stepped into the hall, James being the only one who ate a satisfying meal, they were greeted my Mrs. Knight and Katie. Kendall's mother's purse was slung over her shoulder and she walked in long strides to the boys. She informed them that Mr. and Mrs. Garcia called and needed to be picked up from the airport. Kendall figured it would take an hour or two to get to LAX and back, and when the Garcias arrived, they would most certainly rush to see their son. The guys ultimately decided they would wait to ask to see Carlos until his parents came to the hospital.

They meandered back to the waiting room. Just the thought of sitting once again for hours made Logan cringe. He rubbed sleepily at his eyes, then lowered his body into a chair, an involuntary feeling of irritation immediately zooming through his body.

Unlike the previous night, the boys were not alone in the waiting area. A girl sat with her mother in one corner. The girl, who was maybe fourteen or fifteen years old, had her eyes lazily fixed on the television screen as Ted Garcia recounted yesterday's events on the morning news. Her mother paged through a magazine. Both looked exhausted.

Logan felt sorry for them. He wondered what sort of ordeal they were battling through. Judging by their slumped posture and the backpack by the girl's feet, Logan concluded it was a rough one.

He looked over at James and Kendall, who sat to his left. Kendall was correct when he said no one was to blame for Carlos's accident. He had to be. Kendall was always right. But Logan still couldn't shake off a sensation of guilt. He _knew_ Carlos would get hurt if he entered the construction zone. It was _Carlos_. Carlos always did something reckless and injured himself. It was how things always had happened, ever since they met in pre-kindergarten. It was the reason he wore a helmet most of the time.

Logan closed his eyes and bowed his head forward, deep in thought. Why didn't he stop Carlos yesterday when he knew there was no way his stunt would turn out well?

Something Kendall said the night before stuck out in his mind: _Carlos gets hurt all the time. And he always gets better._

It was true. Logan lost track of how many concussions Carlos received throughout the years, and his arms and legs were covered in scars from falling off bikes, hockey accidents, running into unmoving objects, being attacked by that squirrel in fifth grade…

Logan thought back to a psychology class he took in school the year before he and his friends moved to LA. His teacher was always preaching about the unconscious mind. Perhaps, Logan thought, he subconsciously remembered that Carlos always picked himself up when he got down, and assumed this time would be no different.

He thought back further, to every classroom he had been in since kindergarten. Every teacher he ever had told their class never to assume things about people. Logan fought away tears as the guilty feeling returned.

In the corner of the room, the woman with the magazine turned to her daughter. "I'll be right back, baby," she said, drawing her cell phone from her purse.

"Okay," the girl replied, giving her mom a half-hearted smile as she stepped into the hall. Logan watched her shoulders move up and fall back down as she heaved a sigh.

She noticed him staring. "You wanna watch something else?"

It took Logan a moment to realize she was referring to the TV. He shook his head. "No, the news is fine."

She pushed back some of her frizzy black hair. Though she was obviously tired, Logan thought she was kind of pretty. Her mahogany skin was flawless, nose small and lips full. She leaned back in her chair, folding her hands across her lap. "It's really boring sitting here, huh?"

Kendall and James nodded with Logan.

"Did you just get here?"

This time, Kendall answered. "Not exactly. We were here all day yesterday."

"Stayed the night," added James. "And now we're here again."

She frowned. "I got here late last night. I'm waiting for my dad. He had a heart attack." She paused, as if waiting for them to reveal their reasons for being in the waiting room. Three 'sorry's was all she got.

She shrugged. "It's okay, I guess. I mean, the doctors are pretty sure he'll be okay. My mom and me are just waiting for visiting hours to start."

"When is that?" asked Logan.

"Nine," said the girl.

No one spoke after that. Kendall, James and Logan had nothing else to say, and the girl ceased speaking as soon as her mother reentered the room.

* * *

An hour passed slowly. By nine o'clock, Logan was in a light sleep, curled up in one of the chairs. James gave in and flipped through a magazine. He mainly examined the pictures and ignored the articles. The magazine was dated from 2008, anyway. Kendall stared at the floor and had been practically motionless for the full sixty minutes.

The girl and her mother who had been waiting departed the room exactly on the hour, leaving the boys once again alone.

"Sweetheart."

Kendall blinked and turned his head to see his mother standing in the entrance, his sister beside her, and Mr. and Mrs. Garcia behind the two. Mr. Garcia - or Officer Garcia, as he was also referred as - was clad in his uniform and helmet. Kendall would have assumed Mr. Garcia was in such a hurry to leave Minnesota to visit his son that he forgot to change out of his work attire, but as he thought back, he couldn't recall ever seeing Mr. Garcia in anything other than his police uniform.

The strong man stood with an unreadable expression, his hands firmly planted on his wife's shoulders. Kendall doubted Mrs. Garcia reached the five foot mark. Her dark hair was chin length, and her mascara was smudged around her bloodshot eyes. Both parents looked weary from travel.

Kendall and James stood to greet them. James reached over and gave Logan a gentle nudge on the shoulder to wake him.

"Nice to see you, Mr. and Mrs. Garcia," Kendall said, extending his hand.

Carlos's father stared at him for a moment before accepting it and giving it a brisk, firm shake. Mrs. Garcia put her hand in Kendall's and held it there, meeting his eyes for only a moment. The same actions were repeated with James, and eventually Logan once he managed to pull himself to his feet.

"Where is he?" Mr. Garcia asked.

"We need to check with the nurse," said Mrs. Knight, her heart aching with sympathy. The boys and Katie followed the adults to the main desk. The receptionist spent some time speaking with Carlos's parents, then handed them a sheet of paper. Mr. Garcia looked frustrated as he snatched a pen from the counter and began scribbling as fast as he could all the details that were required. He slammed the pen down on the desk and stuck out his chest, possibly to show off his badge.

"Now take me to my son."

She obviously knew better than to disagree. "Room one-sixteen," she informed. "Two people are allowed in at once, and please limit your visits to no longer than ten minutes."

Mrs. Garcia thanked the woman as her husband took her arm and led her away. Mrs. Knight, Katie, Kendall, James and Logan all watched carefully as the anxious parents hustled to 116. It was mid-way down the hall. Mrs. Garcia put one hand on the door and paused, taking a deep breath. Mr. Garcia said something in her ear. He then took her hand and the two walked in together.

A sudden cry was heard. Mrs. Knight pulled Katie closer to her side and placed a hand on Kendall's shoulder. Another loud sob. Logan jumped backwards, ducking behind James, who stiffened.

Mrs. Garcia continued to wail, her cries so shrill that if Kendall didn't know any better, he would have guessed she was right beside him. The sound was terrifying. What did Carlos look like? Did he even resemble his old self? Or was Mrs. Garcia just upset because her son was in a coma? Maybe both, Kendall thought with a shudder.

Katie was the first to go. She turned sharply on her heel, hands covering her ears. She walked quickly back to the waiting room, unable to listen to the anguishing noises any longer. Mrs. Knight hurried after her to offer words or hugs of comfort.

Almost immediately after Katie left, James did the same. Tears pricked at his eyes. A single, quiet sob escaped his throat as he turned and tore off down the hall.

Kendall felt glued to the floor. He wanted to move. Wanted to get out of there. Wanted to follow James and his sister. But he couldn't. He feet wouldn't let him.

A nurse - the same one who was stationed at the main desk - finally heard the noises coming from Carlos's room. She pressed a button on a tiny control panel by her desk and an orange light clicked on. She brushed past Logan and Kendall as she strode into room 116.

"I can't do this…" Logan whispered to himself, twisting away with a whimper.

Kendall was the last man standing for only a moment. Being the only person left in the hall, he allowed himself to sink to his knees. His throat tightened and his heartbeat quickened, yet tears never came. His green eyes never left the doorway where Mr. and Mrs. Garcia and the nurse entered.

He wasn't sure how long he remained in the same position. He only decided to pull himself back to his feet when he saw a couple more nurses - one male and one female - emerge from the far end of the corridor and jog down the hall. Kendall wondered if they were simply following the sound of Mrs. Garcia crying or if they actually knew which room they were supposed to go to.

Kendall used the wall to steady himself. His bandaged hand suddenly began to throb intensely, and he winced. He tore his gaze away from the room and started off back to his friends and family. Mrs. Garcia's screams of sorrow followed him all the way down the hall.

Mrs. Knight sat next to Katie in the chairs, rubbing her back and murmuring something into her ear. Logan sat silently across from them, and James paced the floor with both hands on his head, occasionally reaching down to rub at his eyes or nose.

Kendall took a deep breath. He had to be strong for his friends. He couldn't let them down. After all, they considered him the leader of Big Time Rush. He needed to adhere to his title.

He shoved both hands - injured and uninjured - into the pockets of his jeans to cover the fact that they were trembling. He bucked up and walked confidently into the loathsome waiting room, ready to console his friends.


	4. Heads and Tails

**A/N: Sorry for the wait. I had a family emergency and some other things that prevented me from writing for a while. I kind of rushed through this chapter, and it isn't my best work, but I hope you enjoy it anyway.**

**Also, in an attempt to improve my overall writing, I am now going to have sections/chapters focused on one character at a time. I think the story flows better that way. So instead of jumping view points all the time, the story will be following one person until a break.**  
**Thank you all for sticking with me. I really appreciate it. And I REALLY need some motivation for this story, so if you leave a review, I will most likely be encouraged to write more. Thank you.**

**

* * *

**

Chapter 4  
Heads and Tails

James wondered what was up with his mind and sounds. First, Carlos's scream as his leg snapped against the pavement echoed continuously through his brain. Now he had Mrs. Garcia's wails to add to the list of noises he would never forget. Why were the sounds sticking with him?

Mr. and Mrs. Garcia had left their son's room and followed Dr. Kendrick to his office to speak with him. Mrs. Garcia had a wad of tissues balled up in her hand, and her husband walked stiffly behind her, carrying a Kleenex box for his wife. His face was impossible read.

With Carlos's parents conversing with the doctor, it meant it was finally their turn. James, Logan, Kendall, and Kendall's mother and sister were allowed to visit Carlos for the first time.

The three boys stood outside Carlos's room. James rubbed his arms, feeling jittery. He didn't know what to expect when he walked in. Would Carlos still look the same? Would it be a gruesome sight, or would his injuries be all bandaged up and clean?

Mrs. Knight and Katie were back in the waiting room. Mrs. Knight told the boys they could see Carlos first, though she did remind them of the hospital regulation: two at a time, ten minutes maximum. "Don't break the rules," she had warned. "You don't want to get kicked out. Then you'll never get to see Carlos."

James watched Logan's eyes shift back and fourth between him and Kendall. Awkward silence descended upon the group as each boy carefully examined the other's expression.

James was about to suggest rock-paper-scissors when Kendall finally spoke up. "You guys go."

"Are you sure?" asked James. Kendall nodded in confirmation. The brown-haired boy inhaled shakily. He rotated his body to face the doorway, but paused. His heart thudded loudly in his chest, and his forehead and armpits felt damp. Another shaky breath.

He saw Logan shoot a quick glance at Kendall, who gave his back an encouraging pat as Logan followed James into room 116. James wiped his sweaty palms on his jeans, though it didn't seem to help. As he took small, slow steps into the room, he allowed things to come into focus one at a time. Pale blue curtains were parted and hung to one side. Advancing further, he could see the foot of the bed. Two lumps which he assumed were Carlos's legs were covered by a sheet. James froze at the side of the tiny white bed where Carlos laid, his glassy eyes wide as saucers. He swallowed. Hard. As he feared, he barely recognized his friend.

Carlos's eyes were closed, as if he were sleeping. Two strips of surgical tape ran across the bridge of his swollen, puffy nose. An angry red cut was just above one eyebrow, and the skin covering his cheekbones was bruised and scraped. His left wrist was secured in a black brace, and James could see patches of gauze and tiny Band-aids concealing various nicks and scratches on his tan skin. A thin sheet covered his legs, but he could tell a cast wrapped around the left one. Carlos's chest appeared bulkier as well, though because of the hospital gown he wore, James couldn't tell why.

James shuddered - the only thing to indicate he wasn't paralyzed. He was unsure of what frightened him more: the injuries to Carlos's body, or the countless tubes and wires and machines that surrounded him, making him look like some android out of a science fiction movie.

At least a minute of their allotted time passed without movement. Both boys only stood in shock. Logan let out a breath, as if trying to calm himself. James prayed he didn't start to panic like the night before.

"Can… Can he hear us?" wondered James, never taking his eyes off Carlos. Besides the black eyes and the bruises and scrapes, he looked sort of peaceful. Like he was sleeping.

"Uh…" murmured Logan, clearing his throat. "I've heard s-some cases of people being aware of what's happening a-around them while comatose. So… Um, yeah, maybe."

James nodded his head as he racked his brain for something to say. "Uh, hey, Carlos."

Carlos didn't stir. Not at all. Eyelids didn't flutter, hand didn't twitch, breathing didn't falter.

"Hi," Logan said uneasily.

The only noise in the room was the steady beat emitting from Carlos's heart monitor and a gentle hum from a nearby machine. A clear, plastic tube snaked out of Carlos's mouth and connected to what James assumed was the ventilator. He shivered at the thought of having that thing wedged in his trachea.

"Can you hear us?" James asked. He stared at Carlos intently, watching for any sign of movement that indicated he understood James's voice.

Carlos remained still.

James suddenly had the urge to reach down and shake Carlos until his eyes shot open. Or slap him in the face, right on the deep purple bruise that curved around his cheekbone. But it would be useless, James knew. Carlos wasn't just sleeping. He couldn't just wake up.

James carelessly raked a hand through his hair and sighed. He had waited so long to see Carlos, and this was it. It sure felt different than what he expected.

"I'm sorry, Carlos," Logan whispered from beside him.

James turned to look at him, but Logan didn't meet his gaze. His eyes, shining with tears, were downcast at the bed.

"I'm sorry," Logan repeated. "Carlos, I'm…" He trailed off as his voice cracked.

For a second or two, James's mouth opened and closed as he fumbled for words. But as the gears in his brained turned, he remembered the talk him, Logan and Kendall had at breakfast. Kendall had said, _"We can agree that we are all partly to blame, or none of us are to blame, or whatever. Either way, it doesn't matter anymore. We need to just wait for Carlos to get better."_

They were are partly to blame. James was sure of it. Kendall shouldn't have changed his mind and went against his better judgment, Logan shouldn't have ignored his intuition, and James shouldn't have encouraged Carlos to perform such a dangerous stunt. But, like Kendall said, it didn't matter anymore. What happened, happened. They couldn't change it. They could only hope and pray and wait for Carlos to recover.

James exhaled softly. "I'm sorry, too, buddy," he said to Carlos.

A hand fell on his shoulder, but James still refused take his hazel eyes off of Carlos's closed ones. "Are you okay?" Logan croaked, voice hoarse with emotion.

Only then did he feel something warm and wet slide down his cheek. James quickly brought a hand up to wipe at his eyes, murmuring, "Yeah, I'm good."

Two more silent minutes passed. James kept watching for any sign of movement. He was surprised when Logan stepped forward, and, being cautious of the IV tubes that jutted from Carlos's wrist, rested one of his hands gingerly over his friend's. The heart monitor beside the bed continued to beat slowly but steadily.

"Wake up soon, okay?" Logan whispered.

* * *

Logan and James were soon at a loss for words, and the rest of their visiting time was spent in distressing silence.

Logan could feel Kendall's scrutinized stare as they returned back in the hall. "How is he?" he asked nervously. He was leaning against the wall outside the room, shoulders slumped tiredly.

Both boys shrugged grimly. "About what you'd expect," answered Logan with a sigh.

Kendall frowned and glanced at the doorway. It was his turn next. "Oh," he said. "While you guys were in there, guess who showed up?"

Logan exchanged a glance with James. "Who?"

"Gustavo and Kelly. They're in the waiting room with Mom and Katie."

Logan sighed softly. "I guess we'll head over there, then." He scratched the back of his head. "You'll be okay?"

Kendall nodded. Logan noticed how he seemed to examine James's face, and Logan did the same, wondering what Kendall was looking at.

The brown-haired boy's eyes were red and puffy, a tell-tale sign of his previous tears. And Logan knew Kendall always hated to see them cry.

"I'll meet up with you guys in ten," Kendall said, patting James's back as the two turned to leave. James feebly lifted one corner of his mouth in an attempt to smile, then turned away.

Logan and James shuffled down the hall and to the waiting area. Like Kendall said, Kelly and Gustavo leaned stood in the waiting area, dressed as though they had just came from Rocque Records. Kelly clutched her purse for dear life, while her boss had his arms crossed over his chest.

Everyone looked to James and Logan expectantly as they came into view. "How is he?" Katie asked, perking up.

Logan was unsure of how to answer. The hopeful looks he received didn't help. "He looks…" He trailed off, shaking his head.

"Not good," whispered James.

Mrs. Knight put a hand on her daughter's shoulder as her face fell. Logan and James found seats across from the two and settled back, purposefully not looking anyone else in the eye.

Time ticked away in silence. Logan began to feel a little guilty regarding Kendall visiting Carlos on his own. It was hard enough for Logan to go in with James. But Kendall was the leader; he would have it under control. He always did.

Logan glanced up at the wall clock, noting the time. It's all there was to look at, besides the 'no smoking' signs and the posters tacked to the wall that instructed how to cover your mouth when you sneezed or coughed, and he had read those ten times already. The magazines and informational brochures that cluttered the side tables were not only uninteresting to him, but were all years old. Watching the clock was the only thing to pass the time.

He also hated how quiet it was. If Carlos were there, he would be cheering everybody up some way or another. He'd probably trip over the table and send the stack of magazines flying into the air, or maybe be trying to hypnotize them with his watch. Or he'd be jabbering endlessly about something Logan would only be pretending to listen to. He had heard the story many times before of Carlos eating seventeen corndogs in a row and not even puking until he returned home from the carnival two hours later.

Logan would give anything to hear the story again.

When Kendall's ten minutes were up, Logan snapped out of his thoughts, watching his friend as he ventured out of the hall. His uninjured hand was stuffed in his pocket, and his face was drained of color. Nonetheless, his chin was held high and his movements were brisk and confident.

"Hi, Kendall," greeted Kelly.

He smiled lightly, plopping down next to Logan.

"Is it alright if we go next?" Kelly asked Mrs. Knight.

"Of course," Kendall's mother replied.

Kelly thanked her and started forward, leaving her purse on the chair beside her. When Gustavo didn't move, she gave the sleeve of his sweatshirt a tug. He shook his head, as if coming out of a trance, before following his assistant to room 116.

"We were next," Katie mumbled. She didn't press on. Her notebook and pen rested in her lap, but the ten-year-old seemed to pay them no mind. She began to pick at her thumbnail. A nervous habit she had, Logan knew.

"Are you guys alright?" Mrs. Knight asked when Kelly and Gustavo were out of sight.

All three boys nodded somberly.

She leaned forward in her seat. "Carlos is a tough kid," she said. "Whatever you do, don't lose hope. If you think positively, good things are bound to happen."

She had a point. Carlos was a pretty tough kid. He had to be, considering all the times he hurt himself. There were the concussions, the bruises, the cuts, the scrapes, and the broken bones unintentionally inflicted upon himself playing hockey, riding bike, climbing trees, running into unmoving objects, and jumping off the garage roof in hopes of flying because he saw it in a movie once. There was even one time when Carlos contracted influenza because James dared him to lick a payphone outside of a gas station.

Every time he turned out okay. Every time he got better. Why should this be any different?

"You know," Logan said, "coma survival rates are about fifty percent." _Future Doctor_ magazine had taught him well.

James frowned. "Half?" He dug into his jeans pocket and pulled out a quarter. "That's like flipping a coin," he murmured. "Heads he makes it, tails he doesn't." He tossed the coin in the air, caught it, and slapped it onto his forearm.

"James," Mrs. Knight chided. "Don't do that."

He lowered his head and apologized. He moved the coin to the palm of his hand and clenched his fist, never looking at it.

When Kelly and Gustavo finished their visit, Kelly had a tissue in her hand. Gustavo's expression was difficult to read because of the sunglasses covering his eyes.

"Thank you for dropping by," Mrs. Knight said. "I'm sure Carlos appreciates it."

Logan, James and Kendall forced friendly smiles.

Kelly looked to Gustavo. When he said nothing, she responded. "Of course. We love Carlos." She paused, then added, "I'm sure he'll get through this. How are you guys holding up?"

Logan was tired of people asking him that. He was sick of lying and telling them he was fine. The truth was, he wasn't fine. How could he be? Ultimately, he didn't move, though Kendall and James shrugged their shoulders.

"We need you to stop by Rocque Records tonight," said Gustavo, speaking up for the first time. Then he added, "If you don't have anything else to do here."

Carlos's condition was stable and unchanging, so the boys agreed to be at the studio after supper. James asked why they needed to go, but Kelly said she would explain later.

"We'll stop by again tomorrow if Carlos is…" said Kelly, trailing off.

"Let's go," urged Gustavo, already turning to leave.

Kelly offered a sympathetic look, making sure to look each person in the eye before speaking. "I'm really sorry. About all this." She then turned and proceeded to follow her boss, who was already halfway down the hall.

As Mrs. Knight and Katie rose to visit Carlos in the room, Logan sank back in his chair. He had a bad feeling in his gut. He glanced over at his friends, wondering if they felt the same way.

Logan watched as James uncurled his fist and gazed at the coin in his hand. Before he stuffed it back into his pocket, Logan saw that it was tails side up.

* * *

When lunchtime rolled around, the boys wandered to the cafeteria with Mrs. Knight and Katie. Mr. and Mrs. Garcia were speaking with psychologists, discussing options for their son. The knowledge made the three boys uneasy, but they all managed to stomach a meal.

Kendall was especially hungry, and he downed two bowls of vegetable beef stew, the cafeteria's daily special. For hospital food, it actually wasn't too bad. It warmed his body and briefly calmed his jittery nerves.

James and Logan each purchased sandwiches from the cafeteria's a la carte line. The bread was a little stale, but they were too hungry to notice.

"I wonder what Gustavo wants to talk to us about," said James, finishing the last of his sandwich.

"I'm sure it's about the band," Logan replied. "You know. What we're going to do now without Carlos."

Kendall's eyes, which had previously been trained on the table, snapped up. "Why'd you say it like that?"

Logan shrunk back at his accusatory tone. "What do you mean?"

Mrs. Knight raised her eyebrows at her son, silently telling him not to press on. He knew she was right. "Nothing. Never mind."

Eventually, the five slouched back into the waiting room to sit again for hours. Katie pulled a portable gaming device from her pocket and shared it with James, though she dominated every level she challenged him to. Even Mrs. Knight asked to try her hand at the game, probably to humor the two. Katie and James both laughed when Mrs. Knight was unable to differentiate between the attack button and the jump button, and ended up leading her virtual character into a boiling pit of lava in the first five seconds she played.

"No, Mom," explained Katie, "see, you have to jump over the lava and spike pits with the A button. When a pterodactyl comes you press B to attack it."

She squinted at the screen. "What are these little yellow things floating around?"

"Those are coins," said James. "You collect them and get bonus points at the end of the level."

"Well, what good are the points?"

"Huh?"

She began tapping the B button as she spoke, eyes narrowed in concentration at the game. "What do the points do?"

James and Katie exchanged glances. "I don't know," replied Katie with a shrug. "To try to beat your high score, I guess."

Kendall and Logan looked over at each other, amused smirks on their faces.

"Ooh!" cried Mrs. Knight, holding out the game to her daughter. "What happened?"

Katie frowned. "You died."

Mrs. Knight's face fell and she restarted the level.

Kendall and Logan mainly sat in silence, enjoying watching Katie and James guide Mrs. Knight through the basic controls and levels of the game. When an hour passed and Mrs. Knight continued to play, Kendall feared his mother was developing an addiction.

Katie huffed a sigh, one hand leaning on her cheek. James was slumped beside her, looking more bored than irritated.

"Can I have my game back now?" asked Katie.

Mrs. Knight didn't look up. "Wait, hold on a second. I'm almost to the boss."

Katie smacked her forehead.

* * *

After an uneventful day of waiting, supper was eaten in the cafeteria, this time with Mr. and Mrs. Garcia. James kept his eyes glued to his food, doing his best to remain quiet and blend into the background. Seeing Carlos's parents made him guilty and uncomfortable. He wondered if they blamed him for their son's accident. If they did, James knew he wouldn't hold it against them.

Playing videogames with Mrs. Knight and Katie had momentarily lifted his spirits, but when Mrs. Knight took over and didn't return Katie's game until two hours later, James had lost interest and felt worse than ever. He missed Carlos. His thoughts would keep drifting back to all the things the two used to do together, and he inwardly promised himself that if Carlos woke up, he would never take those things for granted ever again.

No one talked about Carlos around the table, and it surprised him. James had mentally prepared himself to listen to Carlos's parents interrogate them about the accident, or listen to a pep talk by Mrs. Knight or Kendall on how they shouldn't lost hope.

But Kendall seemed off, James noticed. He was more pale. More withdrawn. And he hadn't spoken in hours. Perhaps his hand was hurting him again.

The silence at the table was awkward and persistent. At one point, Mr. Garcia attempted to lighten the mood a bit by asking the boys how they liked their current music careers. Logan was forced to do all the answering; James never looked up, and Kendall was somewhere off in space, not paying attention. Eventually Logan asked the Garcias how life was back in Minnesota. Mr. Garcia admitted taking his tenth course of sensitivity training a couple months ago. After that, no one spoke.

James finished his meal minutes ago, and had began occupying himself by poking at his remains with a plastic fork. He was thankful when Kendall finally piped up.

"You guys want to head over to Rocque Records now?"

Logan crumpled a napkin and stood from his seat beside Katie, obviously eager to get out of there. James did the same, breathing a tiny sigh of relief.

"Wait," Mrs. Knight said. James cringed. "Do you need a ride?"

Kendall answered for all of them. "That's okay. We'll walk."

"Okay, but call me when you're going to come back. Be careful."

Kendall promised he would, and the three boys walked promptly out of the cafeteria and into the main corridor of the hospital's ground floor. It was a large building, and James turned his head in both directions down the hall, aiming to seek out which direction the main entrance was located.

"What if something happens to Carlos while we're gone?" Logan asked quietly.

James hadn't considered that. And suddenly, he wished he wasn't leaving.

Kendall swallowed before speaking. "He'll be fine."

"You don't know that," said Logan. "Let's at least see him before we leave. Tell him where we're going."

"Yeah," James said. "And that way he'll know we'll be right back."

Logan started off, taking a left down the hall. James followed, trusting Logan knew where he was going. They proceeded several feet when the taller boy noticed Kendall wasn't following. "You coming, man?"

Kendall fiddled with the bandage on his hand. "Uh, no. I'll just meet you guys at the doors."

Logan frowned, exchanging a glance with James. "You… don't want to come with us?"

Kendall held out his hands in defense. "I just saw him this morning, is all. I'm sure he looks the same."

"That's not really the point…" James said, taking offense from Kendall's words. Both boys waited for a response or other form of explanation.

Kendall shifted his weight uneasily from one leg to the other. "I'll meet you at the doors," he repeated.

Another pause as Logan and James continued to stare. Finally, with a defeated sigh, Logan said, "Let's just go."

James continued to watch his friend for a few moments before giving in and following Logan.

* * *

"Do you think we're going to get fired?" Logan wondered aloud. It was a fairly pleasant day, and it felt absolutely wonderful to get out of the hospital and into the fresh air. Logan, James and Kendall walked side-by-side on their journey to Rocque Records, the bright sunlight and warm breeze momentarily eliminating their perturbed emotions and replacing them with contentedness.

"No way," answered James. "It's not like Carlos is… Well, you know."

The delightful sensation of walking down the sidewalk lessened a bit when Kendall's thoughts returned to his comatose friend. Either way, getting out of the waiting room and the stuffy, medicinal-smelling atmosphere was marvelous. "I'm sure Gustavo just wants to talk with us," assured Kendall.

The three rounded a corner on the street, the tall studio building coming into view. Kendall halted first, followed by Logan and James. The yellow caution tape was still blocking off the main entrance to Rocque Records. One less scaffolding stood next to the building.

For a long while they gazed, any good feeling they possessed vanishing. All the wreckage and debris that had previously littered the ground had vanished. The front of Rocque Records looked almost normal.

The three boys wordlessly looked to one another, as if wondering who would take the next step forward. Kendall knew it would be him. He took a deep breath and started to walk. Logan and James slowly proceeded behind him as he entered the building. The elevator ride, like always, was silent. When they made it to the third floor, they searched for Kelly or Gustavo.

The assistant was spotted walking towards them with a clipboard in her hands. "Hey, guys," Kelly greeted, smiling weakly. "Come on."

More uneasy looks were shared as the guys followed Kelly down the red-carpeted hall and into Gustavo's office. Kelly stepped aside for Kendall, James and Logan to enter. They parked themselves in front of Gustavo, who sat slouched behind his desk.

For a long moment, no one spoke. Gustavo's eyes were hidden behind tinted sunglasses, so no one could tell where he was looking. Kendall was about to ask what he wanted, when the boss finally spoke up.

"We need to discuss what we're going to do with the band," said Gustavo, propping his elbows on the desk and folding his hands. His usual loud, booming voice was toned down a notch.

"Now?" asked Logan as he uneasily shifted his weight to one side.

"I know it's soon," Kelly replied. She maneuvered to stand beside her boss. "But this is important."

Kendall could sense the sympathy in her voice, and he looked to Gustavo. "Isn't it obvious?" the blond said, holding his hands out at his sides. "We wait for Carlos to get better. Then we go from there."

Their boss heaved a sigh, leaning forward in his chair. He rubbed at his temples, looking stressed. "Boys. There's another reason I called you down here."

Gustavo sounded serious, and Kendall felt a pit of dread begin to slowly form in his stomach. All three boys nervously stared at Gustavo, waiting for him to continue.

"Remember what I told you yesterday morning? Griffin wants our next song done by Friday."

Kendall dropped his head, understanding where this was going.

"So," continued Gustavo, "we need to figure out how to finish the song."

Kendall looked up. "We're not finishing the song without Carlos." His tone was firm. He knew he didn't need to converse with James or Logan. They would definitely side with him. Finishing a Big Time Rush song without one of the members of Big Time Rush was out of the question.

Gustavo cast Kelly a pleading look. The assistant turned to the boys, licking her lips as she chose her words. "Guys…" She broke off, sighing. "Look, there's no easy way to say this." Kendall, James and Logan looked at her expectantly as she paused. "Fujizaki is threatening to cut the music division again. We fail to get this song to Griffin by Friday, and we can pretty much say goodbye to our jobs. And I'm not just talking about us, I'm talking _everyone_ in the division."

Suddenly, everything around Kendall melted away, and the only things his flashing eyes could focus on was Gustavo sitting in the chair behind his desk, like it was some sort of casual business meeting, and Kelly standing beside him as if to say she would support any opinion her boss dared to have.

The sixteen-year-old threw his hands up in frustration. "_What_? Are you kidding me?" He stomped forward so he was touching the edge of Gustavo's desk. "Are you going to let them do that?"

"HEY, I don't have a choice!" argued Gustavo. "I've been talking with Griffin, trying to get him to give us an extension. I've told him all about Carlos and what happened."

"And?" Kendall demanded.

"And there's nothing he can do."

Kendall smacked his palms against the desk, lip curled up in a hostile sneer. Gustavo stayed seated, but behind his tinted shades, Kendall knew he was receiving a hard stare. Gustavo wouldn't back down from him. And neither would he. "So what are our options?" James asked quietly.

"_Options_?" snapped Kendall. Forgetting about his staring match, he whipped around to face his friend. "There are no options! We are _not _doing this without Carlos!"

"Kendall." Kelly held her hands up as if telling him to calm down. "Just listen for a second. If this song does not get to the record company by Friday, Fujizaki will almost certainly get rid of his music division. That means hundreds of people will lose their jobs."

"Then get somebody to talk him out of this! Let _me_ talk him out of this."

"No," replied Kelly and Gustavo. Kelly elaborated. "No offense, Kendall, but with your hardheadedness you would probably just make thing worse."

"Make things worse?" Kendall shouted. He failed to notice Logan and James take a step backwards. "How could things possibly get any worse? Doesn't this violate some law? Some business code of conduct? Some ethical guideline? Doesn't _anyone_ in your stupid company care that Carlos has been… _debilitated_? That it only happened two days ago?"

As his tirade came to an end, Kendall panted for oxygen. The familiar lump in his throat was beginning to return, but he swallowed it back, letting ire replace his feelings of despondency. His uninjured hand was balled in a tight fist. But, really, Kendall didn't know who, exactly, he was angry with. Maybe Fujizaki. Maybe Griffin. Or Gustavo or Kelly. Maybe Carlos. Or maybe himself. Heck, maybe even the whole entire world and everyone and everything in it.

"What do you two think?" Kelly finally asked, her voice just above a whisper.

Kendall slowly turned to face his two friends, who looked a little frightened. Kendall sighed and let his tensed muscles relax a bit.

James answered first. His words were directed at Kendall. "Dude, look… I know the accident just happened and everything but… We can't let all those people lose their jobs."

All Kendall's anger vanished in an instant. Suddenly, he felt utterly betrayed. He desperately turned to Logan for some backup. Logan was the rational one. Surely he would understand.

"I'm…" he started, shaking his head. "I'm kinda on the fence on this one."

Kendall's heart plummeted to his feet. He wasn't siding with Kendall, nor was he siding with James, but to Kendall, just the fact that Logan was _considering_ going through with the song was enough to make him storm out of the room.

And that was exactly what he did. The door to the office was yanked open was such a force that it bounced off the wall. Everyone called after him, but he blocked out their cries. He just had to get out of there. He couldn't deal with this. Not now. Maybe not ever.

Kendall turned a corner. He wanted to cry. He wanted to cry _so badly_. Every ounce of willpower he could possibly summon was used to fight off his tears. As angry and upset and confused as he was, he refused to let them fall. Logan or James could find him at any second, and Kendall needed to be strong. He was always the strong one. And that couldn't change now when his friends actually needed him to be.

He pressed his back against the wall as his hand began to throb under its bandage. James and Logan's voices were heard calling his name down the hall. Kendall didn't move. Let them find him. But he couldn't talk to them right now. Couldn't talk to anyone. They may think he was being a jerk, but Kendall didn't care. He had to get his own emotions under control before he could confront theirs.

* * *

**A/N: The whole Fujizaki thing will be cleared up in a near-future chapter, so don't be confused! Also, I try not to ask anymore, but please review. I'm slowly losing motivation for this story and I'm hoping your compliments or constructive criticism will help. Thank you all for reading.**


	5. Bad News

**A/N: My first attempt at a shorter chapter! Yay!  
****Since I can't send a message to anonymous reviewers to personally thank you, I suppose I will do it here. So, uh… THANKS! Really, to everyone. I appreciate all your kind words and constructive criticism. Now I can try to watch out for some mistakes, and I know what kinds of things to continue persisting. Thanks again to everyone reading and reviewing. :D And please continue to let me know how I'm doing so I get more motivation for this story ;)**

**

* * *

**

Chapter 5  
Bad News

Logan was not too keen on the idea of leaving the hospital and spending the night at the apartment. What if something happened to Carlos during the night? Logan wanted to be there.

But Mrs. Knight insisted everyone - Logan, Kendall, James, Katie and Mr. and Mrs. Garcia - get some well-deserved rest in a more comfortable environment.

Everyone had stopped in room 116 to say goodnight to Carlos. Everyone, that is, except for Kendall. James seemed offended by the blonde's actions. When Kendall declared to his friends that he 'didn't see the point in visiting Carlos since he did it this morning', James got after him a bit.

"Dude, he's our friend and he's hurt. The least you could do is go in there and offer a little comfort and talk to him or something."

"Why?" said Kendall. "What's the point? He can't hear us, anyway."

"He might," James argued.

Then Mr. Garcia walked past the boys, and their discussion ceased. Logan noticed James shoot a couple dark glares towards Kendall, but Kendall seemed to ignore him.

Logan himself wasn't exactly angry with Kendall; just curious. Kendall was the leader. He was always preaching about teamwork and togetherness and friendship and how they need to always have each others' backs. So why was he acting like this? It was beyond unusual.

Logan decided to shrug it off for the moment. Maybe Kendall would come around.

The three boys, along with Katie and the Garcias, exited the hospital at a little after eight o'clock and followed Mrs. Knight to her van. As the fresh air hit Logan's face for the second time that day, he realized that sleeping in his own bed would actually feel pretty nice. His back and shoulders were still sore from the clunky furniture in the family room at the hospital, and the idea of resting his head on his feather down pillow and sinking into his squishy mattress was practically blissful.

Mrs. Knight got behind the wheel, with Mrs. Garcia taking the passenger's seat. Mr. Garcia piled in beside Katie, and the three boys managed to squeeze into the backseat as the vehicle reached its full capacity.

The ride to the Palm Woods was pretty silent. Mrs. Knight chatted with Carlos's mother for most of the ride, but Logan couldn't make out their distinct words from all the way in the back of the van.

A sickening feeling of dismay began to slowly creep into his gut. Everything seemed _off_. Car rides with his friends were always fun. Someone was always talking, always laughing, always doing _something_.

But not this time. Kendall's eyes were trained on the car floor, and James's fixed gaze was out the window. Even Katie sat patiently, wiping smudges from the screen of her gaming device with her shirt sleeve. No one said a word. No one made a joke. No one did anything.

It was torture. But even so, Logan didn't want to be the one to break the ice.

Several minutes later, Mrs. Knight pulled the van into the Palm Woods parking lot. The sky was darkening, and the gentle lull of the car ride made Logan yawn. He climbed over the two seats in front of him to exit the car, waiting for Kendall and James to join him. The three friends looked to one another tiredly. Logan wondered if they were thinking of doing the same thing he was planning: going to bed early.

Mr. Garcia maneuvered to the back of the vehicle to remove the luggage he and his wife had hastily packed.

"Guys," said Mrs. Knight, "will you please help out?"

Logan secretly huffed a sigh of frustration. He was running on three hours of sleep with no caffeine and was ready to fall asleep where he stood. Then again, Logan couldn't imagine Carlos's parents got _any_ sleep with the knowledge of their comatose son.

Mr. Garcia offered Logan a weak, thankful smile as he passed over a large black suitcase. Logan tried to smile back, but for some reason could not bring himself to look the man in the eye.

The suitcase was on wheels, and Logan extended the handle and started off towards one of the side doors of the building. Kendall and James followed close behind him, the blond-haired boy carrying a duffle bag and the brown-haired boy with a heavy-looking backpack. Mr. and Mrs. Garcia obviously planned to stay a while.

Mrs. Knight rushed ahead and held the doors open for the group as everyone entered the lobby of the building. Logan immediately spotted Jo and Camille sitting on one of the tiny loveseats, strawberry smoothies on the coffee table in front of them and thick packets of paper in their hands.

The dismayed feeling in his guy intensified as Logan realized he hadn't told Camille about the accident. Casting a quick look to Kendall and James and noting their guilty expressions, Logan figured they hadn't informed the girls either.

The Garcias were already heading towards the elevators, Mrs. Knight and Katie sluggishly following.

"We'll be up in a minute," Kendall told his mother. She gave a tiny nod and continued forward.

Kendall's voice must have alerted Jo. She looked up from the script she was reading and smiled. "Hey!" she greeted cheerfully. Camille also offered a friendly grin.

Logan slouched his shoulders. The two looked so happy, like the day had been a great one. He hated to ruin it with bad news.

The three guys slowly shuffled forward to meet the girls, who were both eyeing their luggage. "What's with the suitcases?" Camille finally asked. Her smile vanished. "Don't tell me you're leaving the Palm Woods again…"

James shook his head.

Logan could tell the girls were sensing trouble. Their smiling faces faded into narrow-eyed expressions of concern.

"Then what is it?" Jo wondered. "Kendall, I've been texting you all day and you haven't answered." She paused. "Something's wrong, isn't it?"

Kendall raised a eyebrow and dug into his jeans pocket. He pressed a button on the screen of his cell phone. "Five new messages, two missed calls." He looked to his girlfriend apologetically. "Sorry."

"Guys, seriously," said Camille. She stood from the tiny couch. "We haven't seen you in two days, you look totally worn-out, and you're carrying suitcases and duffle bags." She craned her neck and stood on her tiptoes to peer behind Kendall and Logan. "And where's Carlos?"

The last sentence the brunette spoke made Logan shiver. Carlos. Where was Carlos. _Well, Camille, he decided it would be a good idea to sneak into a construction zone and use a trash chute as a swirly slide, and now he's in a coma with six broken ribs and several other broken bones, an injured lung, cuts and scratches that run the risk of becoming infected, and is being kept alive by a machine that breathes for him. So where is he, you ask? The hospital. ICU room 116. Barely alive._

Logan cast a pleading look to Kendall. There was a long pause as Kendall took a moment to prepare his words. "Camille, Jo…" He sighed. "We have some bad news."

* * *

Kendall didn't expect Camille to start crying. And this time, instead of faking like she often did to practice for an audition, the tears were real.

Jo somehow managed to keep it together, and she rested a comforting hand on her friend's shoulders as she pried the guys for all the information they had regarding Carlos and his current condition.

Much to his displeasure, Kendall did all the explaining. But that was part of his job as the leader. He had to step up and take on certain responsibilities no one else would. He told the girls everything about the accident, Carlos's injuries, waiting at the hospital, and the arrival of Carlos's parents all with a surprising amount of emotional stamina.

"And," Kendall continued, "to make matters worse, Gustavo told us our record company's founder wants to dump the music division again. So Gustavo wants us to finish recording our newest song by Friday, without Carlos, and send it off to Griffin, who will send it off to Fujizaki, who will then decide if he wants to continue with Big Time Rush or, basically, get rid of us."

Jo shook her head in confusion. "But that's completely unethical! How can they do that? Aren't they required to, like, give you an extension or something since there's been an emergency?"

Kendall shrugged. "Honestly, I kind of lost my temper and stormed out before Gustavo could tell us." He rotated his body to face Logan and James with the intention of giving them a silent apology. But his two friends had their bloodshot eyes downcast at the carpet and didn't notice him.

Camille delicately wiped at her eyes, careful not to smudge her mascara. "We have to go see him," she declared with a sniffle, referring to Carlos.

Jo nodded, giving her shoulder a squeeze. "We will," she assured. "First thing tomorrow." Then Jo looked to Kendall. "Do the other kids at the Palm Woods know? Have you told anyone else?"

"Not yet."

For a long moment, the five stood silently, taking in the seriousness of the situation. Kendall's heart clenched in sympathy as he watched his girlfriend's eyes slowly fill up with tears. "This shouldn't be happening," she muttered with a bitter laugh.

"I know," Kendall said softly. "I know."

After another long pause, hugs were exchanged and Kendall, James and Logan grabbed hold of the Garcia's luggage, leaving Camille and Jo heartbroken in the lobby. Guilt coursed through his veins from delivering the bad news, but someone had to do it. Kendall just wished it hadn't been him. But the way Logan and James quietly stood told Kendall that they still needed him to be the strong one. And Kendall wouldn't let them down.

The boys assembled into the elevator and pressed the button for the second floor. It was a short ride up, and when they finally entered apartment 2J, they could see that everyone was already getting ready for bed. Mrs. Knight and Katie had their pajamas on, and Mrs. Garcia was helping Kendall's mother spread blankets over the orange sofa to make a bed.

"Where do you want the luggage, Mr. Garcia?" Kendall asked.

Mrs. Knight answered for him. "Put them in my room. The Garcias are taking my bed tonight. I'm sleeping on the couch."

The three boys did as they were told, shuffling into Mrs. Knight's bedroom and leaving the luggage in a pile on the floor. When they returned into the main room, the bed on the couch had been made, and Mrs. Knight was offering hot chocolate.

Everyone declined. It was obvious to Kendall that everyone was tired and wanted to get to bed, but he was not. How was he supposed to sleep knowing he could possibly lose his best friend _and_ his job?

"Goodnight," Katie said to everyone, yawning. Mrs. Knight kissed her head before she disappeared into the hall.

"'Night, Katie," Kendall called after her. She didn't respond, and Kendall wasn't sure if she heard him.

"I'm going to bed, too," said Logan. "See you guys in the morning."

"Same here," James announced.

More goodnights were spoken and more motherly kisses were given by Mrs. Knight, and soon only Kendall, his mother, and Carlos's parents were in the living room. Kendall sighed, wandering over to the couch and taking a seat on the blankets spread across the cushions.

From the kitchen area, the Garcias were talking quietly with Mrs. Knight. Kendall could hear the words 'thank you' and 'grateful'. It was strange to see Mr. Garcia looking so sad. Ever since Kendall could remember, Mr. Garcia was the kind of dad that was playful and involved and always with a goofy grin on his face. Except, that is, when someone angered him and he became a wide-eyed, snarling beast who would whip out handcuffs even when off duty. Then he could be a little frightening. But never before had Kendall witnessed the man so grim. He didn't even know Mr. Garcia was capable of sadness.

Kendall was not aware of how long he was absorbed in his thoughts. But when he looked up again, his mother was exchanging hugs with Carlos's parents, and the two exhausted adults dragged slowly out of the room and down the hall.

"Goodnight, Kendall," Mrs. Garcia said before she disappeared from view.

Kendall forced a half-smile. "'Night."

When she was gone, Kendall allowed his head to drop. He took a deep, shaky breath and covered his face with his hands. His muscles were already beginning to relax just from being in the comfort of his own home.

But the apartment was too quiet. There was no one down the hall screaming in their sleep and unintentionally whacking Logan with a baseball bat. There was no one up making a plate of fish sticks as a late-night snack. There was no one propelling down the swirly slide because he couldn't sleep.

"Honey? Are you going to go to bed?"

Kendall looked up and saw his mother approaching him. He scooted over on the makeshift bed and made room for her to sit beside him. "No. I'm not tired."

Mrs. Knight gently lowered herself onto the couch before leaning forward and pushing back the sandy-blond hair that fell over Kendall's forehead. It was an action she often did when he was younger. "You look tired," she remarked, her voice soft.

Kendall swatted her hand away. She withdrew her arm and rested her hand on her lap. Kendall immediately felt regret.

"Sorry, Mom. I just… I don't know. Sorry." He used his fingers to move his hair back in place.

This time, Mrs. Knight reached for his hand. Kendall let her take it in her own and interlace their fingers. The touch was comforting, and he inwardly wished she would push his hair back again.

"Do you want to talk, sweetheart?"

"No," said Kendall. He sighed and squeezed his mother's hand. "It's just…"

"Just what?" asked Mrs. Knight. Her voice kept it's gentleness, like always. And Kendall knew she would understand anything he told her.

"I don't know what to do, Mom." He turned to face her. "Did James or Logan tell you about our meeting with Gustavo and Kelly?"

Mrs. Knight shook her head and laid her other hand over her son's. "No, they didn't mention it. Why? What did they want?"

Kendall uneasily shifted positions. "RCM/CBT GlobalNet Sanyoid's founder wants to dump our division. As far as we know, everything is riding on the song that's supposed to be finished by Friday."

Mrs. Knight blinked and paused for the briefest of seconds. "Why would he want to do that? You boys are becoming so successful." Her voice cracked on the last word.

A stab of guilt hit Kendall in the chest, though he wasn't quite sure why. "I know," he replied. "And I kind of freaked out and left the office before Gustavo or Kelly could explain more of the situation. All I know is that if me, James and Logan don't finish the song by Friday, every person in the whole division could possibly lose their jobs." He gave his mother a pleading look. "So what do we do, Mom? I mean, do we finish a Big Time Rush song without all the members of Big Time Rush, or… not?"

Mrs. Knight removed her right hand from Kendall's and looped her arm around his shoulder, pulling him close to her body. She momentarily pressed her lips against his temple. "Kendall, this is a very big decision."

For several seconds, Kendall didn't move. One arm was occupied by holding his mother's hand, and the other was at his side. His body stiffened slightly from Mrs. Knight's half-hug, but he couldn't deny that he didn't want it to end.

Ultimately, Kendall broke away from his mother's affection and stood from the couch. A sudden rush of blood to his head caused him to waver on his feet, but Kendall fought it off. He slowly paced the floor in front of her. "What would you do?"

Mrs. Knight heaved a sigh and leaned back into the cushions. "Well, honey, it's a tough call. I don't think I would feel right finishing a song without Carlos. But, then again, I know Carlos wouldn't want hundreds of people to lose their jobs because of him."

"But it's not Carlos's fault," Kendall protested. "It's Fujizaki's fault! It's Griffin's fault, and Gustavo's fault, and our fault. Not Carlos's." The backs of Kendall's eyes began to burn - the first sign of oncoming tears. He took a deep breath to calm himself. The burning subsided.

"That's true," agreed Mrs. Knight. "But it's just one song, right? You're not going to keep recording numerous songs without him?"

Kendall cleared his throat before answering. "Well, I think so. Like I said, I kind of lost my temper and left before Gustavo or Kelly could explain. But they only mentioned finishing the one we've been working on."

"What else did Gustavo and Kelly tell you?"

Kendall scratched at his head, trying to remember. "Well, Gustavo told us he had tried to talk with Griffin. But there isn't anything that Griffin can do about it. I guess that means that Griffin has tried talking with Fujizaki as well." Kendall held his hands out at his sides. "How are we supposed to walk into the studio, stand behind the microphone and sing knowing Carlos is in the hospital barely alive?"

Mrs. Knight rose to her feet. She placed both hands on her son's shoulders, looking into his emerald eyes. "Kendall."

Kendall waited for her to say something else. She let her gaze fall to the floor, and her mouth opened and closed several times as she obviously fumbled for words.

His mother always knew what to do and what to say. Always.

Why was everything _changing_?

The burning sensation returned, and Kendall tried to turn away. But Mrs. Knight stopped him, embracing him in a hug. "You three need to talk about this," she murmured in his ear.

"I know," Kendall said. "But… But I can't do it right now." He gave his mother a quick peck on the cheek before he pulled out of her grasp and started down the hall, biting down on his bottom lip in an attempt to fight away the tears that desperately wanted to come.

He willed his voice steady. "Goodnight, Mom."

"Goodnight, sweetie. If you want to talk some more, remember I'm right out here."

Kendall didn't look back. He made it into his bedroom and closed the door. And for a moment, he pressed his back against the cold wood, shuddering. His arms pricked with goose bumps and his legs felt wobbly. A hand clutched over his stomach, which was aching with dread.

It was going to be a long night.

* * *

After minutes of staring at the opposite wall in his bedroom, Kendall slowly undressed and changed into a snug pair of pajamas. He no longer felt angered or sad or upset. He felt numb. Like his body was a hollow, empty shell.

He switched off his light and flopped down on the bed without bothering to pull the covers down and snuggle in. He laid on his back and focused on the shadows on the ceiling.

Kendall blinked slowly. His eyes were getting heavy; he was more tired than he had thought. Which was understandable, considering he had gotten perhaps an hour or two of rest the night at the hospital.

Kendall yawned and allowed his eyes to close for only a minute.

He opened them when there was a loud knock on his bedroom door. He rolled over on his side and watched his mother enter, tears streaming down her face.

His heart thudded madly in his chest as panic began to set in. Kendall propped himself up on an elbow, waiting for her to say something. Behind her, the hallway light was on, shining a dim yellow.

And screams. Kendall could hear screams coming from the living room. It was Mrs. Garcia's wails and shrieks of sorrow. He was sure of it.

Kendall held his breath. "Mom?" he barely managed to croak.

Mrs. Knight stayed frozen at the door, tears still silently falling down her cheeks. "Sweetheart…" She started, breaking off with a sniffle. "There's some bad news…"


	6. Nightmares and Lullabies

**A/N: Wow! Can you believe how fast this update came? I can't, lol. But it is thanks to your motivational reviews :) So, thank you!**

* * *

Chapter 6  
Nightmares and Lullabies

"Kendall?" James grabbed Kendall's shoulder and shook it. "Kendall!"

The sleeping boy kicked his legs and murmured something inaudible. His fist tightly curled around a wad of blankets and he flopped over.

"Wake up!" Logan whispered loudly, nudging Kendall in the side.

Through the faint moonlight that shone in from the blinds, James could see a slick layer of sweat beading Kendall's skin. "Kendall!" James cried again. He gave his friend's cheek a mild slap.

Kendall suddenly bolted upright with a tiny shout. James took a step back with Logan, exchanging concerned glances. "Calm down, dude, it's just us," James said.

Breathing hard, Kendall blinked and wiped a hand over his face. "W-What happened?" he asked, eyes darting between James and Logan. "Is Carlos okay?"

"Yeah, he's fine," answered Logan. "Man, are you okay? I think you were having a bad dream…"

"Yeah," Kendall said. He swallowed. "I was."

There was silence as Kendal caught his breath. James nervously fiddled with the hem of his pajama shirt, wondering what sort of nightmare had gotten Kendall so shaken up. The blond sat upright on the bed, clothes drenched in perspiration, hair matted to his head, eyes wide and alert.

"What are you guys doing in here?" Kendall finally asked, tossing his legs over the side of the bed.

James took it as his cue to sit. Logan copied his actions, and all three boys were perched on the edge of Kendall's bed. The room was dark; the only light emitting from Kendall's digital alarm clock and the moon outside. James noted it was nearly midnight.

"What's going on?" Kendall asked again when no one spoke.

James turned his head to look at Logan, who didn't break his gaze away from the bedroom floor. "We want to talk," James said to Kendall, "about the band."

Kendall cleared his throat and shifted positions, obviously uncomfortable. "Alright. Talk."

James licked his lips, choosing his words carefully. He didn't want Kendall to blow up again like he did back at Rocque Records. It was frightening to see his friend so angry. But the subject couldn't be avoided forever.

"Well," James started. "Me and Logan have been talking. And we think that… Well, we think that… Um…"

"Just tell him," Logan muttered.

James closed his eyes. "Wewanttorecordthesong."

Kendall confusedly scratched his head. "What?"

James sighed and spoke more slowly. "We want to record the song."

Though his facial features were barely visible in the night, James didn't miss the look of hurt and disappointment cross Kendall's face. James held his breath as he waited for Kendall's reaction. James knew that his friend could be pretty headstrong and almost never conformed to other's opinions once his own had been set. It worried him to think of Kendall's defiance.

"Why?" Kendall asked flatly.

This time, Logan spoke. "Well, just think about it. Finishing this song may be the only way for us to keep our jobs. If we lose our jobs, not only will we have a hard time explaining it to Carlos if he wakes up, but the record company will stop paying for our apartment. So we'll have to go back to Minnesota. And Carlos will still be here in LA."

James watched Kendall intently, trying to find any sort of reaction. But the blond sat stonily; the only movement he made was dabbing at the moist skin on his forehead with the sleeve of his shirt.

"And," James added, "we have to think about the other people involved in the music division. They have families to provide for and they have troubles of their own. It wouldn't really be fair to those people to -"

"I know, I know," Kendall interrupted. He sighed exasperatedly and rubbed a hand over his hair. "But… It just doesn't feel right."

James frowned and let his gaze fall to the dark floor.

"I think it's going to be a long time before anything feels right again," Logan said quietly.

Another pause. Silence. No one moved, nothing made a sound. The alarm clock ticked to 11:54, then 11:55, and then 11:56.

Finally, there was a noise. But as James looked to his right, he saw that it was Logan who was sniffling.

"I'm scared, guys."

James was too. More scared than he had ever felt in his entire life. And the fear followed him everywhere. It was always there, always bubbling in his stomach, always a weight pressing on his chest, always a hammer in his head.

Kendall reached over and put an arm around Logan's shoulder. And suddenly, James didn't want to talk anymore. He wanted to go back to his room and lay in bed and try to get some sleep. He wanted to be alone.

James stood. Careful to watch his step in the dark, he made his way to the door and pulled it open. The hall was just as black as the bedroom. He rotated around to see if Logan was coming. The dark-haired boy slowly pulled away from Kendall and rose to his feet as well.

As James was about to exit the room, Kendall spoke up. "Okay. I'll do it."

James took a deep breath. "Thanks." And with Logan trailing behind, he stepped into the hall.

* * *

The moment his two friends left his room, Kendall made sure the door was closed and flipped on his bedroom light. The entire time he had been in their company, the nightmare he had been awakened from was nagging at the back of his head.

He had fallen asleep. But the dream was so vivid. His mother entering his room, crying. Mrs. Garcia screaming from somewhere down the hall. The bewilderment, the panic, the fear… It was all so _real_.

Kendall took a shaky breath before fumbling around his bedside table for a tissue. He ran it over his neck and face and tossed it carelessly aside.

His clock told him it was midnight. Which meant in about eight hours everyone would be piling into his mother's van and taking off to visit Carlos. And after that, most likely, himself, James and Logan would be dropping by Rocque Records.

Kendall didn't want to agree to doing the song. But James and Logan made some great points. Besides, it was just one song, right? Carlos would understand.

Kendall shuddered. It was late. But he didn't want to lay back down. What if he fell asleep? What if he had another nightmare?

Still contemplating his situation, the door knob turned. Did James or Logan forget to tell him something?

To his surprise, it was Katie who entered, dressed in polka-dotted pajamas, her messy brown hair falling down her back.

"Katie, what are you doing in here?" asked Kendall. He straightened his shirt and smoothed out his hair, not wanting his sister to see him looking so distressed.

"I couldn't sleep," Katie replied with a shrug. "How come you're up?"

"Couldn't sleep."

Katie sighed loudly and looked down at her feet. "Hey… Kendall?"

"What?" he said.

"Can you tuck me in?"

A cold blade of remorse jabbed into Kendall's chest. He felt as though he was the one responsible for his baby sister's need for comfort. He needed to be happier. She looked up to him. If Kendall acted like everything was going to be okay, then Katie would believe it.

"Sure," Kendall said. His voice came out as a whisper, and he cleared his throat before placing a hand on her back and guiding her out of his bedroom and down the hall.

The two had always been close, but it had been years since Katie had last requested to be tucked in. She was a mature kid, and preferred to be treated like an adult. Heck, she hardly ever hung out with people her own age. Katie's days were mostly spent around Kendall, James, Carlos, Logan, Mrs. Knight, Mr. Bitters, Buddha Bob, or playing poker with the housekeeping staff.

Kendall walked quietly beside his sister down the hall, careful not to disturb the Garcias occupying Mrs. Knight's bedroom, or Mrs. Knight herself, who was sleeping in the living room and had ears like a hawk.

The siblings entered Katie's tiny bedroom, and Kendall gently closed the door and flipped on the light switch. The blankets on her bed were twisted and tangled from a sorry attempt to sleep. Kendall approached the bed and did his best to yank back the sheets so Katie could crawl in.

She fluffed her pillow and laid down. Kendall gave her a tiny smile and pulled the covers up to her chin, making sure it was snug.

"Okay?" he asked.

Katie nodded.

"Need anything?"

She shook her head.

"Alright. Well, goodnight, Katie." Kendall took a last, long look into her brown eyes. But as he started to turn away, Katie spoke up.

"Wait."

"Huh?"

Her cheeks reddened slightly. "Do you think that, maybe… you could sing me something? Like you used to?"

Kendall's heart melted as he slowly lowered himself on the edge of her flowery bedspread. "What do you want me to sing?" he whispered.

"The one you made up," Katie whispered back, eyes shining brighter than normal. "The one you would sing to me when I was sad."

"I don't know if I remember it," Kendall said. But he did know it. He knew every single word of the lullaby he made up when he was eleven.

Katie burrowed further into her blankets. "Try?"

Kendall looked to the door. He licked his lips and cleared his throat, voice coming out barely above a whisper:

"_Tomorrow you will see_

_that everything's okay._

_Tomorrow you'll wake up_

_to a bright and sunny day."_

Katie closed her eyes. She looked so peaceful and so innocent. A rush of memories flooded his thoughts as Kendall recalled all the times Katie would be plagued by nightmares and would need his gentle voice to lull her to sleep.

He took a deep breath and continued, fighting away the stinging sensation in the backs of his eyes.

"_The wind whispers in the trees,_

_the stars shine in the sky._

_Now it's time to get some sleep,_

_before the morning draws nigh._

_Nothing can last forever,_

_So trust me, Katie, when I say_

_when you open your eyes tomorrow,_

_your troubles will all blow away."_

Eyes still shut, Katie smiled.

"_The wind whispers in the trees,_

_the stars shine in the sky._

_Now it's time to get some sleep,_

_before the morning draws nigh._

_And tomorrow you will see_

_that everything is fine._

_So relax and rest your head,_

_and listen to my lullaby._

_The wind whispers in the trees,_

_the stars shine in the sky._

_Now it's time to get some sleep,_

_before the morning draws nigh."_

The final verse was the hardest to choke out. Kendall's throat nearly swelled shut with emotion, and it took all his power to force back tears that desperately wanted to come.

As her brother's song came to an end, Katie's eyes slowly fluttered open. "Thanks," she said. Then added, "And can you not tell the guys about this?"

Kendall chuckled softly. "I won't if you won't."

Katie weakly lifted one corner of her mouth in a half-smile. She nestled her head into her pillow. "Goodnight, Kendall," she whispered.

Kendall leaned down and kissed the top of her head, then made sure her blankets were tight. "Goodnight, Katie."

* * *

The next morning was practically a blur for Logan.

His tired eyes were hazy and unable to focus on anything. He sat at the breakfast table with his head cradled in the crook of his elbow, giving up on trying to watch Mrs. Knight and Mrs. Garcia cook breakfast. The clanks and clunks of pots and pans clashing together were only dull thuds in his ears.

James sat across from Logan, looking equally exhausted. Though his hair was neatly combed and styled and his clothes were wrinkle-free, James failed to hide his slumped posture and the deep, dark circles under his bloodshot eyes.

Logan figured James hadn't slept much, either.

"Alright, who wants pancakes?" said Mrs. Knight, striding to the table with a giant plate. Logan slowly lifted his heavy head, wondering how Kendall's mother could possibly act so cheerful.

Mrs. Garcia set a tub of butter and a bottle of syrup on the table. "Eat up boys," she said to Logan and James. "We made plenty."

Even she sounded a bit jovial.

From the orange sofa that Mrs. Knight had slept on, Kendall and Katie rose from watching morning cartoons. They shuffled over to the table and took seats, Kendall next to James and Katie beside Logan.

The three all reached for a pancake and wordlessly took turns passing around the butter and syrup. Logan only stared at his plate, unable to fathom the thought of anything filling his stomach.

"Want one?" Katie asked, holding the plate of pancakes out to Logan. He just shook his head.

He rubbed at his cloudy eyes and peered into the kitchen. The two women were seated at the kitchen counter, each with their own pancakes. Mrs. Knight and Mrs. Garcia were speaking quietly to one another; Logan couldn't understand what they were saying.

Moments later, Mr. Garcia emerged from the hall. Like always, he was dressed in his police uniform, helmet and all. He looked exactly like Carlos when he walked.

"Woah, woah, woah," Mrs. Garcia said, stepping in front of her husband. "You have worn that for two days straight now."

Mr. Garcia shrugged, seeming unconcerned. "So?"

"So, you smell. Go take that off."

James and Katie snickered.

"But -" Mr. Garcia started.

"Now," said Mrs. Garcia.

As solid and as intimidating as Carlos's father could be, there was one person who could boss him around and actually get away with it: his wife.

Even Logan failed to hide a smirk as Mr. Garcia frowned and gave in, twisting around and heading back to the bedroom to change.

Logan ended up being the only one to skip out on breakfast. When everyone was finished and the dishes were done, it was time again to head over to the hospital. Except this time, instead of an eerily quiet car ride, the mood was sort of light, thanks to Kendall.

"Let's play 'would you rather?'" Kendall said.

Logan wasn't much in the game-playing spirits, but James seemed interested and Logan didn't want to be the odd one out.

It was hard to find a comfortable position when stuffed in the backseat with Kendall and James, but Logan somehow managed, and joined in the game.

"Would you rather take on a giant piranha or a giant snake?" asked Kendall.

James rolled his eyes. "Duh. A piranha. All you have to do is lure it on land and then it'll just flop around and stuff."

Kendall laughed. "What about you, Logan?"

Logan thought for a moment. "Well, a piranha isn't much of a threat unless it's in a large school, so if it's just one, I'd probably fight that."

"But it's a _giant_ piranha," James reminded.

"Then I'll kill it with my _giant_ muscles."

All three snickered. "Yeah, right," said Kendall. "Flex."

Logan smirked. "I can't. I might break my shirt."

More laughter. It felt good to laugh. There was a time when Logan thought he would never be able to laugh again.

But the boys' playful jostling came to an abrupt halt when the vehicle pulled into the parking lot. The large hospital loomed overhead, casting over them a dreary shadow. All of Logan's mirth vanished, and he swallowed, mentally preparing himself for another long, heart-wrenching day.

* * *

The doctors informed that they had attempted to wean Carlos off the ventilator, but to no avail. He still needed it in order to breathe. But otherwise, his condition was stable. The Garcias entered Carlos's room first while the rest of the crew waited in the designated area that they had become accustomed to.

It wasn't long into their waiting when two familiar voices called out from behind. Logan turned and saw Camille and Jo walking side by side, each with a vase of flowers in their hands.

"Hey," the three boys greeted simultaneously.

"We brought some flowers for Carlos," Jo said. Kendall took the vase of carnations from her hands before giving her a quick kiss on the cheek.

"That's really thoughtful," said Mrs. Knight, putting a hand over her heart, "but Carlos is in the intensive care unit. They don't allow flowers in the rooms."

"Oh." Camille frowned. "Then what are we going to do with these?"

Logan shrugged. "We can take them back to the apartment. Carlos will see them when he comes home."

Camille exhaled softly and gave a tentative smile. "Right. When he goes home he'll see them."

Logan knew Camille was thinking the same thing he was. Carlos would see the flowers _if_ he came home.

There was an awkward silence as the group ran out of conversation. Katie eventually said she needed to use the bathroom, and Mrs. Knight accompanied her, leaving the guys and Jo and Camille by themselves in the waiting area. Logan noticed that Jo kept glancing down the hall where 116 was located, like she was expecting Carlos to come parading out.

Logan had to do a double-take when someone did come out of the room. But it wasn't Carlos. It was Mr. Garcia, dressed in a button-up shirt and jeans, with his wife following closely behind. Mrs. Garcia was blowing her nose with a tissue.

Jo turned back to her group of friends. "Are those Carlos's parents?" she whispered.

"Yeah," said James. "The man is Carlos's dad, and the woman is his mom."

Camille rolled her eyes. "Thank you, James," she said sarcastically.

James made a face.

Jo ignored the two. "What are we supposed to say to them?"

Kendall shrugged his shoulders. "You could introduce yourselves."

"And say what? 'Hey, we're Carlos's friends. Sorry to hear about this unfortunate situation'? That doesn't sound -"

"Hello," Mrs. Garcia greeted with a sniffle as she entered the waiting room.

Jo and Camille immediately bucked up and plastered friendly grins on their faces. "Hi," the blonde said. "I'm Jo."

"Camille," said the brunette.

"We're Carlos's friends. We're so sorry to hear about this unfortunate situation." Jo stuck out her hand, and each parent shook it. Camille held out her hand as well.

"It is so nice for you to stop by," said Mrs. Garcia, offering a tiny smile. "Carlos sure is lucky to have such caring friends." Her voice cracked on the last word, and she used her tissue to dab at her eyes.

There was another short pause, until Mr. Garcia turned to Kendall. "We're going to speak with some doctors. Could you tell your mom she doesn't need to stay? We can catch a cab back."

Kendall nodded. "Sure."

As the Garcias left, James said, "Well? Who's going first?"

"Maybe we should," Logan said. "We have to get to Rocque Records, remember?"

"Oh yeah," said James. "I almost forgot about that."

Logan did a quick head count, assuming Camille and Jo would go in together. "Kendall? Want to go in with me?"

At the mention of his name, Kendall visibly flinched. Logan watched as his eyes dropped to the ground and he uncomfortably rocked back and fourth on his heels. "Uh…"

"Or you could go with me," said James. "Or by yourself, like yesterday."

Kendall cleared his throat. "I… I don't know."

Logan could immediately sense the disappointment and confusion given off by James. Out of the corner of his eye, Logan saw Jo and Camille exchange glances.

"You guys can just go," Kendall said. "I'm sure he still looks the same."

Logan raised his eyebrows.

"Dude, what's your problem?" James scolded, face reddening with anger. "What if that was you in there? Wouldn't you want your best friends to come visit you?"

Logan, Jo and Camille turned their heads to Kendall, eagerly awaiting a response.

"He's comatose," Kendall said sheepishly. "He can't even hear us."

James narrowed his eyes and scowled. It was a look Logan rarely saw, and a look that sent a chill running down his spine.

"Let's go, Logan," muttered James, sending a resenting glare towards Kendall before heading down the hall.

Logan offered a shrug to Camille and Jo, then brushed past Kendall, avoiding his eyes. His friends were beginning to worry him. James's anger could be flipped on and off like a switch, and Kendall's unwillingness to visit Carlos was an unusual mystery.

Logan just hoped the tension between the two subsided before they arrived at Rocque Records.


	7. Reasons Why

**A/N: Whaaat? Another update?  
So, this chapter is my shortest yet. And it's kind of boring, but it is necessary to the story. Please review! Do you like shorter updates or longer ones? Who do you want to get more insight on? Do you want to have more of something? Less of something? Is there something about my writing that I should change? How are you liking the story in general? I need to know these things! Thanks. :D**

* * *

Chapter 7  
Reasons Why

"STOP," bellowed Gustavo, cutting off the track. "STOP IT NOW."

James let out a startled squeak, ceasing his verse. He slowly looked up and peered through the glass of the recording booth at his boss, who looked ready to burst with frustration.

"James, need I remind you what is at stake here?" asked Gustavo.

"I know, I know." James heaved a sigh of frustration. "Can you play it again?"

Gustavo rubbed at his temples before giving a gruff nod and restarting the song.

James cleared his throat. He had been singing horribly all day. His voice was cracking and he was off-key. All the while he told himself that he was singing for Carlos. But it was no use. He just couldn't get into the song.

The guys were having a sort of audition. Upon informing Gustavo that they would record the song, Kendall, Logan and James were promptly sent to a recording booth to 'try out' for the part - that is, see who could sing Carlos's verse the best.

James was the first to sing. He stood to the far right, with Logan at his side and Kendall out of his field of vision on the other end. It disgusted him to know Kendall didn't want to visit Carlos in the hospital. What was his problem, anyway? Why was he being such a jerk?

The music abruptly stopped, and James realized he was so absorbed in his thoughts that he had forgotten to sing.

"Alright, forget it," Gustavo muttered. "Logan's turn."

James groaned. He looked ahead through the glass, ignoring the bulging vein on Gustavo's forehead to instead focus on Kelly's expression. She chewed on a pen cap, eyes narrowed in what was possibly sympathy.

He took a step backwards from the microphone stand and listened while Gustavo started the song for the hundredth time and Logan opened his mouth to sing. James didn't think his friend sounded too bad. But, obviously, Gustavo disagreed.

"Try it again," the boss said. "You're off-key."

Logan coughed a few times and rubbed at his shoulders. He took a few deep breaths and gave Gustavo a nod. When the track played again, it was cut off halfway through.

"Kendall's turn," Gustavo barked.

Logan sighed and stepped back next to James.

For some reason, James could feel himself becoming angry at his boss. But it wasn't like Gustavo's loud, critical words were unusual. He always yelled. And he always blatantly told the members of Big Time Rush what their flaws were.

Maybe, James thought, the irritation he still felt towards Kendall was infecting his other relationships.

The music started up again, and James craned his neck to get a look at Kendall. Kendall was supposed to be the leader. He was supposed to be the most responsible one, the most mature one, the one with the most common sense. So why did Kendall not get that visiting your best friend in the hospital was practically a law? James just could not understand it. And he also couldn't forget about it.

Kendall leaned forward and began to sing into the microphone. His voice was slightly quieter than normal, but it sounded okay nonetheless.

Though it didn't surprise James when the music stopped.

Gustavo pressed a button on the control panel and spoke into the skinny microphone. "Kendall, you need a little more 'oomph' if you're going to make this work. Alright? Alright."

Kendall briefly closed his eyes and pursed his lips; something he always did when peeved.

Gustavo started the song once more. Kendall took a deep breath opened his mouth.

Suddenly, the blond boy tore the headphones off his head and stomped away from his microphone. "Stop," he said to Gustavo. "Stop it."

James raised his eyebrows and turned to see Gustavo using a beefy finger to switch off the music.

"I can't do this, okay?" Kendall said. "I'm sorry. But this is Carlos's part. Not mine." He yanked open the booth door and stormed out of the room without another word.

"Kendall, wait!" Logan called, removing his headphones.

"Hang on," Kelly said, stopping Logan. "I'll go talk to him." She was hurrying to follow Kendall before Logan could protest.

James only sighed. From the other side of the glass, he watched as Gustavo rubbed a hand over his face and leaned back in his chair. Gustavo didn't appear frustrated anymore. In fact, James thought he looked a little sad.

* * *

Kendall placed both hands on his head and paced the floor in the main corridor of Rocque Records. He had tried. He really had. But the moment he opened his mouth and said the first word of Carlos's verse, Kendall knew he wouldn't be able to go through with it. Singing a song without Carlos wasn't right. Taking over a section of the song that was meant to be sung by Carlos was even worse.

Let James or Logan do it, Kendall thought. It just couldn't be him.

"Hey."

Kelly's voice caused him to stop. He turned to face her. Her hands, normally occupied with a clipboard, a pen, or her cell phone, were empty.

"Gustavo's not made of stone, you know," Kelly said. "He understands that this is tough for you guys. It's tough for all of us."

Kendall let out a bitter laugh and threw his hands in the air. "Oh, come on! Gustavo can't possibly have any idea what this is like."

Kelly frowned and took several steps forward. "I've been talking with him, Kendall. Believe me, Gustavo is doing the best he can to be patient with you three. But, you know, patience is something he's never really been good at." She paused, letting her words sink in, and then continued. "Besides, he's not mad at you guys. He's mad at the record company. Gustavo is just wrongfully taking his anger out on you. Because, well… Emotions are another thing he's never been good at." Kelly looked Kendall in the eye, suddenly very serious. "I know it's hard to believe sometimes, but Gustavo really does care for you guys. And if it was up to him, you wouldn't be here right now."

She had some good points. The information registered with Kendall as quickly as it was delivered, and he didn't miss a beat. "Then let me talk to Griffin! He can't really fire us again anyway, right? We have a three record deal and he's already invested too-"

"It's not up to Griffin, either," Kelly interrupted. "This whole thing about the band can be blamed on Fujizaki, the head of the record company, a.k.a., Griffin's boss." Kelly placed a hand on her chin. "Well, actually, it's Fujizaki's advisors and CEOs in Japan, really."

Kendall blinked in confusion and asked her to explain.

"See, Fujizaki is no spring chicken, and his advisors know that. For whatever reason, they're taking advantage of him in his old age and are trying to convince him to dump the division again." Kelly stopped and groped for words. She snapped her fingers together. "Do you remember when you guys had to do those interviews to promote RCM/CBT GlobalNet Sanyoid products, and we had to do a music video in the ultra teen hang out place?"

Despite the situation, Kendall felt a tiny smile play across his lips. "How could I forget?" In fact, he remembered the day like it was yesterday. Kendall and the guys had managed to outwit Gustavo and have the set for the music video built in apartment 2J. The music video had to be completed to perfection to impress Fujizaki, who ultimately decided he liked Big Time Rush and allowed the project to continue.

"This is kind of like that," Kelly said. "We don't know what's going to happen when we send the song over to the record company, but we do know that if we _don't_ get it to Griffin on time, we can all pretty much kiss our jobs goodbye. And I'm not just talking about me, Gustavo, and the band, I'm talking _everyone_ in Fujizaki's music division. Big Time Rush is the most popular band this division is producing, and we can only hope -"

Kendall held up a hand to cut her off. "Wait, hold on a second. Fujizaki wouldn't just dump the whole division, would he? I mean, wouldn't he like… sell the company or something?"

Kelly shrugged. "If anything, we hope so." She brushed a piece of hair behind her ear and sighed. "But in the business world, you can't think so optimistically."

Kendall had to admit he didn't know much about the business world. But surely selling a successful company instead of eliminating it completely made much more sense. "Okay, but why would Fujizaki's advisors be trying to convince him to get rid of the music division in the first place? It's so successful."

"Not as successful as it used to be," said Kelly, shrugging for a second time. "My best guess is that the advisors and CEOs just want to move their focus to the company's other industries. Promote other RCM/CBT GlobalNet Sanyoid products, like before."

"Griffin is a CEO," Kendall pointed out. "Shouldn't he have some say in this?"

"He does," said Kelly. "But he's here in America, and the others are in Japan, where Fujizaki sees them daily. Griffin doesn't have much of a chance."

Kendall replaced his hands on his head and began to slowly turn in a circle, thinking. It was all so much to comprehend at once. "So, as far as we're concerned, this song is going to decide if we keep our jobs or not?" he asked for clarity.

"Pretty much. But remember, we're still a bit in the dark on this whole thing. Even with the song finished to perfection and sent off to Fujizaki, it still might not be good enough."

Kelly ventured forward some more. She placed a hand on Kendall's shoulder and spoke in a soft voice. "Kendall, I know this is probably the hardest thing you've ever had to do. Hardly any time has passed since the accident, and I know it feels wrong to sing this song without Carlos, but _please_ think about it." She sighed and looked away from him. "I feel horrible asking you guys to do this."

The look on her face told Kendall that she was telling the truth. Kelly, though loyal to Gustavo no matter what, had her own feelings. So maybe, Kendall thought, she wasn't lying about Gustavo being upset, too.

What would Carlos do? What would Carlos say if he were in Kendall's situation?

Kendall shook his head in disbelief at himself. He couldn't believe the words he was about to speak. "Alright. I'll go through with it."

Kelly's face lit up.

"But I'm not gonna sing Carlos's part, okay? Let James or Logan handle that."

Kelly stuck out her hand, and Kendall shook it. "Deal."

* * *

The boys spent the rest of the morning in the recording booth. Gustavo told them they would take a break from Carlos's verse and work on other parts of the song. Getting everything to perfection took longer than normal. James's voice kept cracking, Logan was constantly off-key, and Kendall sang with no meaning.

"At least pretend like you're into the song," Gustavo told Kendall. But Kendall ignored him.

The guys then spent quite a bit of time working on harmonies and tweaking with the chorus of the song. Kendall thought it wasn't going too bad, considering the circumstances. But suddenly, mid-lyric, the track was cut.

"Lunch break," said Gustavo. "Be back here in two hours."

Two hours? Kendall could hardly believe it. Gustavo must have been the one to need such a long time off.

Kendall slowly removed the headphones from his ears and looped them around his microphone stand. He followed James and Logan out the door and to the lobby of the building. Kendall felt his stomach rumble. He had barely managed to eat a pancake during breakfast, but hunger had finally dawned upon him.

"Let's walk back to the hospital," suggested Logan as the three exited Rocque Records and stepped into the sunlight. "We can see Carlos and then grab Burger King or something on the way back."

"Sounds good," said James.

The two boys looked to Kendall for confirmation.

Kendall cleared his throat. "I'll stay here," he said. "I'll grab something from the hotdog cart."

He expected an angry retort from James. Or a vicious reprimanding. But James only muttered, "Go ahead," and started off down the sidewalk.

Logan looked to Kendall, who was stationary, and then back to James, obviously wondering whom he should go with. Finally, he gave Kendall an apologetic look and chased after James. The brown-haired boy was already halfway across the street.

Kendall sighed as he watched them go. James walked briskly and stiffly, even when Logan appeared behind him and spoke using rapid hand gestures. James seemed to push Logan away.

When his two friends were absent from sight, Kendall slowly approached the vendor that was set up on the sidewalk. Kendall wasn't too big a fan of corndogs, but ordered one in honor of Carlos. And when he had been handed his food and drink and paid for his lunch, he took a seat on a nearby bench.

He wanted to cry. And he almost allowed himself to do so. After all, he was alone now. James and Logan were heading to the hospital. No one else was there besides the strangers that bustled by on the busy LA streets. But even so, shedding tears would be a betrayal to his friends, whether they were there or not.

Kendall bit into his corndog, then washed it down with a sip of pop. He wished he was sitting with Logan and James. That way he'd have someone to talk to. But he couldn't go with them. He just couldn't.

Kendall glanced down at his bandaged hand. James and Logan could never know how afraid he was. They could never know how terrifyed he felt when he first walked into the hospital room and saw Carlos laying there. Carlos's skin was taut and swollen from the numerous injuries on his skin, and the tube that snaked out of his throat and connected to the noisy machine beside the bed was etched into Kendall's brain forever.

He couldn't handle seeing Carlos like that again.

Kendall was the leader. If James or Logan, or even Katie, knew that he was afraid, then _they _would be afraid. They looked up to him. He couldn't let them know that he was more scared than he had ever been in his entire life.

The corndog was finished minutes later. Kendall sipped the last of his pop and crumpled his trash in a ball. He stood from the bench and dropped the garbage into a nearby trashcan, wondering what else he was going to do for two hours.

* * *

**A/N: The next chapter is so epic! Stay tuned! (I'm so excited!) I'm not sure when the new update will come, though. I'll be busy for a while. Reviews motivate me. ;)**


	8. Perfect

**A/N: I want to again thank everybody who has reviewed or messaged me. For those I am unable to send a thank you to, well, THANK YOU. I really appreciate it.  
And I know I was excited for this chapter, but now I'm even MORE excited for chapter 9! Haha. So, anyway... Please enjoy 'Perfect'.**

* * *

Chapter 8  
Perfect

The next day, after Logan and James had visited Carlos, the guys found themselves once again en-route to Rocque Records. Mrs. Knight and Katie were back at the Palm Woods, and the Garcias were staying at the hospital.

The boys crossed the street and made their way towards the building, Kendall leading the way and Logan and James trailing behind.

James found it becoming increasingly difficult to be around Kendall. Logan had told James many times not to be angry. But how could he? There was no excuse for Kendall's behavior. Though, it was puzzling; the whole situation was extremely out of character for Kendall. But maybe, James thought, he didn't know Kendall as well as he thought.

He sighed. Just a half hour ago James and Logan had entered Carlos's room while Kendall waited outside.

James did feel a little more at ease due to his daily visits. He and Logan told Carlos all about what was going on with the band and what was happening in the news and how everyone was doing. Sometimes James would instinctively stop and wait for Carlos to say something. It was difficult not to get emotional when he realized that Carlos was not going to respond.

However, it was a pleasant surprise when Jo and Camille stopped by again. Only this time, they weren't alone. Apparently word had gotten around the Palm Woods of Carlos's accident, and Guitar Dude, Tyler, Buddha Bob and even Mr. Bitters arrived to visit and drop off flowers and cards. What was more of a shocker was the fact that the Jennifers showed up as well. Each girl brought a bouquet of roses and shoved them into the hands of Logan, Kendall and James.

"We're sorry to hear about Carlos," the blonde Jennifer said.

"The Palm Woods is really quiet without him," added the curly-haired girl.

"And we hope he gets better," said the other.

"And," blonde Jennifer added, "tell Carlos that if he wakes up…" She looked towards both her friends. They nodded, and she continued. "…We'll give him a kiss."

Before James could ask, "On the lips?" they had left.

The boys passed the flowers to Mrs. Knight and Katie, who took them back to the apartment to place them in Carlos's room.

And then came the second biggest surprise of the day: the arrival of Jett Stetson.

"What are you doing here?" Kendall asked. Jo, who was standing beside him, crossed her arms over her chest.

Jett handed Kendall a balloon. "I brought this for Carlos," he said, "for once two souls commence in an epic war of the pranks, their comradeship shall never be forgotten." He dramatically stuck out a hand. Kendall had stared at it for a long moment before finally giving in and shaking it. Of course, the moment was sort of ruined when Jett snaked an arm around Jo and told her he'd be there for her if she needed some comfort, but the balloon was a thoughtful gesture nonetheless.

And later, as James, Logan and Kendall were leaving the hospital, they saw two Russian acrobats strolling through the lobby, no doubt on their way to room 116.

As James followed his friends into Rocque Records for the day, a tiny smirk curved his lips. Carlos was such a likable guy. James wouldn't be surprised if the rest of the Palm Woods paid him a visit.

The three boys entered the studio and rode the elevator up. James had prepared himself for singing this time. Last night, after going to bed at nine o'clock and actually getting a decent night's rest, James had drank a cup of tea with honey in hopes of soothing his throat. He tested his voice out this morning in the shower. As long as he told himself 'this is for Carlos', he could sing alright.

The elevator doors opened. Before the boys could step into the hall, Kelly ran up to them, speaking so rapidly that she could barely be understood. "Guys I am so sorry I tried to talk him out of it but you know how headstrong Gustavo is and he wouldn't listen to me and I didn't want him to start going on a rampage again and destroying all the instruments -"

"Kelly!" Kendall cried, cutting her off. "We have no idea what you're talking about."

Kelly took a deep breath to calm herself. She pointed down the hall. "Just keep in mind when you go in there that this was not my idea and I'm totally against it."

James looked over at Logan, who seemed equally clueless. However, upon entering the large recording booth, the guys understood exactly what Kelly was talking about.

Standing next to Gustavo was a boy with large, broad shoulders, wearing a black leather jacket over a plain white t-shirt. His dirty jeans were spotted with holes, and atop his head was a thick mane of blond hair that flowed to about his shoulders.

"Dogs," Gustavo greeted. "This is Clark Jordahl."

Clark grinned toothily.

James's heart started to beat a little faster as he began to understand what was happening.

"Since you dogs couldn't sing Carlos's verse, I've hired Clark to take over that part of the song."

The stranger held out his hand for the guys to shake. "My friends call me CJ," he said, still grinning.

James whipped his head to the side to see the reactions of Logan and Kendall. Logan had his mouth open and looked as if he was trying to form a sentence. Kendall, on the other hand, stood stiffly, eyes locked on Clark. Would Kendall say something? Would he let Gustavo do this? Because James himself was beginning to wonder if this was going too far.

"Nice to meet you, _Clark_," said Kendall, not moving to shake the kid's hand. The unkindness in Kendall's tone had James a little confused. But, whatever. If Kendall thought it was okay for CJ to take over Carlos's part, then maybe it was.

"Well?" said Gustavo. "Aren't you going to introduce yourselves?"

They way Kendall stood told James that he wasn't going to be the one to do it. Ultimately, Logan was the one to the rescue. "I'm Logan. That's Kendall, and that's James." Clark slowly withdrew the hand that no one shook and held it up in an awkward wave, cheeks turning slightly red. "Nice to meet you."

Gustavo gestured for the boys to get behind the glass as Kelly nervously took a seat off to the side. James slowly shuffled behind Kendall and Logan, with CJ leading the way.

"CJ got here early to practice the song," Gustavo explained. "So we'll take it from the top."

The boys all secured their headphones and adjusted the microphone stands. James was thankful he was the opposite end of the line, as far away from CJ as possible. But poor Kendall had to stand right next to the guy.

When the music began to play, James uncertainly sang, eagerly awaiting the chorus where he would get the first taste of what CJ's vocals sounded like.

It was hard to hear with everyone's voices harmonizing together, but from what James could make out, CJ's voice was a good notch lower than Kendall's, Logan's or James's.

Logan sang his verse, Kendall belted out his, and then the song repeated the chorus for a second time. James wiped his sweaty palms on his jeans as Carlos's verse came around.

CJ's voice was ruff and gravelly - maybe a little too 'rock star' for a pop group, but still sounded amazing. He clutched his gloved hands around the mic and closed his eyes, really getting into it.

_This is for Carlos_, James repeated to himself. They were doing this for Carlos.

The music faded out, signaling the end of the song. Silence as each boy waited for a reaction from the boss.

They watched as he leaned forward in his seat. "That was perfect!"

Before James could even think about how he felt about the whole situation, there was a loud _bang_ to his side. James jumped, and Logan let out a startled squeak.

"That was _not_ perfect!" shrieked Kendall. Broken pieces of headphones littered the floor at his feet and the microphone stand laid on its side. "Carlos is perfect! Carlos needs to be here singing his part! He's the only one who can do it _perfectly_, okay? This. Is. Not. _Perfect_!"

He stood immobile for a moment before letting out a low, disgusted growl and tramping to the door, leaving everyone dumbstruck.

A minute passed in silence. James stared at his shoes, not wanting to look up at Gustavo or Kelly. A small part of him felt bad for CJ. The guy was just doing his job, after all.

"James, we should go," whispered Logan, disrupting the quiet.

James managed a small nod, removed his headphones, and followed Logan out of the room. He didn't look at his boss or the assistant as he passed them.

"Where do you think he went?" Logan wondered as the two stepped out of the room.

"We could call him," James suggested. "But I guess if Kendall's mad, he's probably not gonna pick up his phone anyway."

Logan's eyes scanned the hall. "Bathroom?"

He shrugged.

Logan led the way. The men's restroom was fairly large and clean. The floors were white and the walls were tiled a deep blue. Sure enough, Kendall stood in the center of the room, hands on his head, pacing.

James decided to get to the point. He held out his hands. "Dude, what was that about?"

Kendall spun around on his heel, green eyes flashing. "What do you _think _it was about?" he cried, voice echoing off the walls. "Are you guys seriously going to let Gustavo hire someone to replace Carlos? You're acting like… Like he's gone! And he's not, okay? What is Carlos going to think when he wakes up and finds out we _replaced_ him _three_ _days_ after he was hurt?"

James blinked in surprise. Kendall was blaming _him and Logan_? That's why he was mad?

For a split second, James contemplated walking away. It probably would have been the right thing to do. But he suddenly had a lot to say to Kendall. And if Kendall was looking for a fight, then James would give him one.

He enunciated each word carefully to get his point across. "Carlos wouldn't want everyone in this company's music division to lose their job."

"Guys, come on," said Logan, holding up both his hands. "Calm down -"

"I talked with Kelly yesterday!" Kendall snapped. "She says meeting this deadline and having the perfect song won't guarantee Fujizaki isn't going to cancel the music division anyway!" He pointed an accusing finger at James. "You're just too obsessed with your own dream to be famous that you don't even care about Carlos! You just care about keeping your job!"

"Kendall!" Logan scolded.

The comment stung. Badly. But James somehow managed to brush it off for the moment, rebuking quickly. "Oh, so did you forget about the time _you_ tried to replace _me_?" Tears stung James's eyes as he stomped several steps forward, pushing past Logan and getting in Kendall's face. "And don't you _dare_ say I don't care about Carlos. You're the one who doesn't come to the hospital to visit him!"

"Hey, _you_ didn't want to be in the band again after we asked. Carlos doesn't exactly have a say in this whole thing."

James narrowed his eyes. "Alright, answer me this then, Kendall: Why won't you come with us to see him? Hmm?"

Kendall visibly shrunk back. He opened his mouth, closed it, then opened it again. "Be… Because I don't want to, okay?"

The taller boy raised his eyebrows. "You don't _want_ to? You don't want to see your best friend?"

"That's not it…"

James knew his words were getting through to Kendall by the way he uncomfortably stammered an answer. So James pressed on, voice rising with each word. "In case you haven't realized, he's on life support! He could die at any second, and you don't want to spend time by his side? Don't you care about him at all?"

"Of course I care about him -"

James cut him off with a hard shove to the shoulders. "What is your _problem_?"

Kendall stumbled backwards, colliding into the wall.

James held out his arms, daring Kendall to fight him. It wouldn't be a playful, insignificant wrestling match the two often engaged in. James could feel the resentment boiling inside of him, and he was ready to let it out on Kendall. He was sick of it. Sick of Kendall acting like such a heartless jerk.

But Kendall only straightened himself up, not bothering to take a fighting stance.

James's face reddened and the tears in his eyes threatened to fall. The way Kendall stood seemed so patronizing.

James let out a tiny shout and hurled himself forward, pushing with more strength than before. The brunt of the attack was intercepted by Logan, who somehow managed to wedge himself between the two.

"Cool it!" he cried. "Seriously guys, knock it off!"

James ignored him, setting his jaw and lashing out again. Logan was slammed out of the way, and James grabbed a fistful of Kendall's shirt, yanking him forward by the collar.

But Kendall retaliated quickly. Before James could blink, Kendall had swiped his elbow up and made contact with the underside of James's chin.

"Stop it!" Logan shrieked. "Guys, _stop it_!"

James's head snapped backwards. For a split second his vision went black. Disoriented, James stumbled to the side, a hand racing to the throbbing part of his face.

Logan said something else, but James couldn't make out what. A strong hand grabbed his arm and tried to restrain him. With a sharp twist of his body, James broke free of Logan's grip and fumbled towards Kendall, who still hadn't moved from the wall.

"James -" Kendall tried to say. The front of his shirt was seized again. Kendall cried out as he was whipped violently to the side.

And that was when Kendall stopped playing defense.

Kendall clenched a fist at his side and brought an arm up, grunting due to the force behind the swing.

James was ready for it. He ducked to the side and snatched hold of Kendall's fist. Pain shot down his arm, and he gritted his teeth. Letting out a wild scream, James tightly grabbed Kendall's shoulders and began to push him backwards. Kendall brought his hands up as well, but James was stronger.

"_Oof_!" Kendall's body smashed into the opposite wall of the bathroom.

Feeling nothing but rage, James readied himself to land a punch to Kendall's face.

As his fist came down, a sturdy pair of arms latched around his waist. James cried out and was yanked backwards.

"Knock it off!" Logan screamed, tightening his bear hug around James. "Please, just stop!"

"Get off me, Logan!" James cried, thrashing his body left and right. Logan had James's arms pinned to his side, and wriggling free was useless. Logan was smaller, but just as strong.

James kicked his legs backwards, but missed his target. Logan stepped out of the way and tried to twist James away from Kendall.

"Let me _go_!" he screamed. He let his body drop to the ground, hoping the move would cause Logan to release him. It didn't.

James looked up, never ceasing in his struggle to break free from his friend's hold, and saw Kendall, panting hard, eyes wide, standing with muscles tense. It was hard to tell, but James thought he saw Kendall's hands tremble.

Kendall stared back into James's eyes for only a second before breaking away and storming out of the room.

James stopped moving, sitting on his knees on the cold, bathroom floor. Logan's constricting hold was still around him. Many seconds passed before Logan finally said, "I'm going to let you up."

The moment Logan stepped back, James scrambled to his feet. He pushed his hair out of his eyes and smoothed it with his fingers. He straightened his shirt and loosened his shoulders.

The room was quiet now. Absolute silence as the tension fizzled out of the air.

Logan stood off to the side, as if he was afraid James would go after him as well. But James wouldn't do that. Logan did nothing wrong.

Suddenly, James began to cry. He lowered his head and turned away so Logan couldn't see his face as big, hot tears flowed down his cheeks and dripped to the floor below. He whimpered and sniveled, the unexpected emotions gushing out of him.

James lost track of time as he stood stationary in the restroom, wiping at his eyes and nose and attempting to still his quivering shoulders. Footsteps were heard entering the room, speeding up the process of James's recovery.

He set his jaw and curled a fist, expecting Kendall. But when he turned, he saw it was Kelly. Her eyebrows were crinkled together in sympathy.

James's cheeks flushed as he waited for her to say something. Logan didn't move.

Kelly cleared her throat. "We, um… We could hear you from down the hall," she said quietly. She shook her head. "Guys, I am so sorry…"

"It's okay," Logan told her. His voice was slightly hoarse. "It's not your fault."

James looked back down at the floor, but he could still feel Kelly's eyes focused on him. "I can talk to Gustavo again, if you want," she offered.

"That'd be great," Logan said.

There was a brief pause before her footsteps were heard again, exiting the men's restroom.

James took a deep breath and approached a sink. For once in his life, he avoided the mirror and instead reached for the faucet knob. He cupped his hands together and splashed some cold water onto his face, washing away his tears.

"You okay?" Logan finally asked.

James shut off the faucet and reached for a paper towel. He ran the rough sheet across his face and disposed of it in the trash.

"Can I tell you something?" said Logan.

James turned back to the sink and placed his hands on the counter, leaning forward. He did look in the mirror this time, but not at his own reflection. Logan stood behind him, looking nervous and uneasy.

"Alright," Logan said with a sigh. He raked a hand through his dark hair and took a moment to prepare his words. "I get that you're mad, James. But I don't think it was right of you to say that Kendall doesn't care about Carlos."

"Then why?" James snapped, twirling around and finally making eye contact. "Why is he acting like this?"

Logan shrugged. "I don't know." He took a few steps forward. "But I know Kendall. And there isn't anything he could say or do that would make me believe for one second that he doesn't care. Maybe he feels guilty, you know? He was the one who pulled the boards off of Carlos after he fell. Maybe Kendall feels like he should have been able to do something."

James shook his head. "You were there, too, Logan."

"Yeah, well, not everyone handles their emotions in the same way."

Logan reached out to put a hand on James's shoulder, but James shrugged it off, pushing past Logan and leaving the restroom. He didn't want to talk right now. He just wanted to get out of there.

To James's surprise, Kendall was leaning against the wall outside the restroom, right between two posters of one of Gustavo's 90s bands. James met his eyes immediately, and felt all the emotions that he had managed to fend off slowly return, anger and frustration being the most overwhelming. James tensed, ready to fight if he had to.

Kendall held his stare. "Let's go."

Logan appeared from behind James. "Go?"

Kendall didn't respond. Finally tearing his eyes off of James, he proceeded to walk down the hall. James glared after him, contemplating whether or not to follow. But Logan started off after Kendall, and though James was still ready to lash out at his friend again if provoked, James figured he might as well see where the two were headed.

The three boys ventured down the red-carpeted hallway of Rocque Records. James trailed a great distance behind. Kendall disappeared around a corner and strode into the recording booth, Logan in tow.

When James finally caught up, he saw that Gustavo was reclined in his chair, with Kelly standing over him. Both were speaking heatedly. CJ was no where in sight.

"Hey," said Kendall, interrupting the two.

Both the boss and his assistant ceased speaking.

"I'll do it," Kendall stated flatly. "I'll record Carlos's part."

James's eyes widened, and he exchanged a glance with Logan. Even Kelly and Gustavo looked surprised.

"You're… you're sure about this?" Kelly asked slowly.

Kendall was already reaching for the door handle to get to the other side of the glass. "Start the track."

Gustavo blinked in disbelief.

"Kendall, you don't have to do this," Logan said. But Kendall was already walking to the microphone. He looped the headphones around his head and waited for the music to start.

Kelly nudged Gustavo in the side. He shook his head, then reached for a button on the control panel. There was a tiny beep, signaling the start of the song, and then the music kicked on.

James scrutinized Kendall intently as he opened his mouth to sing. What James heard astonished him.

Kendall sang faultlessly. His voice was loud and clear and perfectly in tune. He tapped his foot and swayed his hips to the music, showing off the enthusiasm that Gustavo told him he was previously lacking. He sounded amazing. Much better than anything James had ever heard him sing before. And much better than CJ.

No sooner had it begun when the part was over and Gustavo hit the switch. Kendall removed the headphones, knowing what he had sang was flawless.

"That was great!" Gustavo said, eyebrows raised. Even Kelly had her mouth hanging open slightly.

Kendall stepped away from the microphone stand and stomped towards the door. He yanked it open, then headed for the booth's exit, blocked by James.

With an expressionless face, Kendall pushed his way through, purposefully knocking into James's shoulder.

Logan reached out and held an arm across James's chest, silently warning him not to do anything drastic. James grudgingly obeyed, watching Kendall stalk away. Squinting, he could see a red blotch marring the white bandage that covered Kendall's right hand. No doubt a stitch or two had broken during the skirmish in the bathroom.

James felt a tiny pang of regret. But it wasn't nearly enough to run after Kendall and apologize. In fact, the way things were going, James wondered if he would ever make resolutions with Kendall.


	9. Isolation

**A/N: Ugh. This chapter was a struggle to write. I had to re-write the beginning twice and I had to cut out a bunch of stuff because I could never get it to my liking. But never fear, because chapter 10 is going very well! (Wow, I can't believe how mean I was to Logan in this chapter.) Enjoy.**

**

* * *

**

Chapter 9  
Isolation

Logan watched as Kendall, James, Katie, and Mrs. Knight ate dinner. The burger on Logan's plate remained untouched. He had tried to swallow a French fry, but it tasted bitter in his mouth and made his stomach queasy.

"Can you please pass the salt?" Kendall asked Mrs. Knight.

The moment he spoke, Mrs. Knight took a bite of her burger. A thick glob of ketchup oozed out from between the bun and the patty, sticking to her hands. "Oops," she said, fumbling for a napkin. "James, will you hand him the salt?"

Logan observed the conversation intently.

James stopped mid-chew. He sneaked a glance at the salt shaker sitting between his plate and Mrs. Knight's, then averted his gaze back to his food. He continued chewing.

"James?" said Mrs. Knight, wondering if he had heard her.

Without looking up, James's hand shot out to seize the salt shaker. He slid it across the table, not even watching to see where it ended up, which happened to be colliding into the edge of Kendall's plate, creating a sharp _tink._

Kendall glared, though James refused to meet his eyes. Logan knew the only reason James had interacted with Kendall at all was because Mrs. Knight had asked him to. Otherwise, James would have let Kendall reach for the salt on his own.

Kendall silently picked up the salt shaker and sprinkled it over his fries. He replaced the shaker on the table, looked down at his plate, and popped a fry into his mouth.

Mrs. Knight eyed the two suspiciously, but said nothing. She balled her napkin up and set it on the side of her plate.

Silence.

Logan grabbed a fry and twirled it in his fingers. Making sure no one was watching, he flipped his bun off his burger and tucked the fry underneath. The process was repeated several times, until Kendall pushed back his chair.

"May I be excused?" he asked his mother.

"Sure," she said. "Bring your plate in the kitchen."

He did as he was told before heading towards the front door. Before Mrs. Knight could ask where he was going, it was slammed shut.

"Can I excused, too?" Logan wondered.

Mrs. Knight sighed before glancing at his plate. "Sweetie, aren't you hungry?"

Logan twiddled his thumbs underneath the table. "No."

"You need to eat. Have something before you leave, okay?"

Logan's stomach flip-flopped at just the thought of swallowing a greasy bite of hamburger. "I, uh, I ate some fries," he lied, pointing to his plate.

Mrs. Knight pursed her lips, thinking.

"I'll probably be hungry later," Logan assured. "I'll eat something before I go to bed."

He must have been convincing enough, because Mrs. Knight exhaled loudly and said, "Alright. Go set your plate in the kitchen, then."

"Thank you," Logan murmured, leaving Kendall's mother, James, and Katie at the table. He placed his plate on the counter by the sink, then retreated to his bedroom.

Logan pressed his back against the door until he heard it latch. He ran a hand through his hair, closing his eyes. He hated eating meals together. Not only did it feel wrong without Carlos, but Logan had a secret to keep: he had absolutely no appetite.

The Garcias were still at the hospital, so at least there were two less possible witnesses to catch him in the act of hiding his French fries in his hamburger. Because of his interest in the medical field, Logan knew that skipping meals wasn't healthy, especially since he hadn't eaten a thing since yesterday.

But he couldn't let anyone know. Everyone was worried enough the way it was.

Logan moved away from his door and plopped down on his bed, staring up at the ceiling. He wished he could close his eyes and fall asleep. But even that was impossible.

He estimated he had gotten three hours of sleep in the time since the accident until now. The night before, Logan had tossed and turned relentlessly until he finally gave up and skimmed the dictionary for five hours, figuring it would make him sleepy. It didn't.

He rubbed at his eyes. He wouldn't get any rest tonight, either. He was sure of it. Not if he kept thinking about James and Kendall.

The two hadn't spoken since leaving Rocque Records. In fact, Logan didn't think they even looked at each other. It pained him to see Kendall and James acting like that. Best friends weren't supposed to fight.

James had developed an ugly purple bruise on the underside of his chin where Kendall had struck him. He had spent fifteen minutes in the bathroom caking makeup on his skin in order to disguise the mark.

But the way Logan saw it, Kendall's retaliation was necessary. If Kendall hadn't have acted in self defense, James would have started punching. Logan saw the crazed look in James's eyes and knew immediately that the situation was going to get violent. Logan just wished he had been able to stop the fight sooner. Seeing the two go at each other like that was frightening.

Though what upset Logan more was the fact that everyone was changing. Kendall wasn't the same. He was definitely hiding his true reasons for not wanting to see Carlos, but Logan still couldn't figure out what. And James certainly wasn't acting normal, either. Logan never once thought of James as being the type to intentionally hurt his friends. But, obviously, Logan was mistaken.

There was a light knock on his bedroom door, snapping Logan out of his thoughts. He lifted his head. "Come in."

The doorknob twisted and Katie entered slowly. "Hey," she said.

Logan pulled himself upright as Katie gently shut the door behind her. "Hey."

"Can I talk to you a sec?" she asked.

Logan scratched the back of his head, feeling a little nervous. "Yeah, sure."

Katie ventured forward, lowering herself on the edge of Logan's bed. "So what's up with Kendall and James?"

Logan was unsure of how to respond. He didn't want to upset Katie by telling her James and Kendall had gotten in a violent fight and weren't speaking. But he didn't want to lie to her, either. "Well," he sighed. Then he cleared his throat, stalling for time to think of an answer as Katie patiently waited. "Kendall and James have, um, gotten into a dispute… of sorts."

Katie nodded slowly. "So they had a fight?"

Logan avoided her eyes and said nothing.

"It's bad, isn't it?" Her voice was low.

He sighed, scooting across the bed to sit beside her. "Yeah, Katie, I think it's pretty bad," he whispered.

Katie groaned and rose to her feet. "Well, aren't you going to go talk to them?" she asked, holding her hands out at her sides. "Try to get them to stop hating each other?"

Logan shrugged. "I guess I thought I'd wait till morning, you know? Maybe this will all blow over by then."

Katie rolled her eyes. "They haven't said one word to each other since you guys got home. And they didn't even look at each other at dinner. Call me crazy, but I think it's going to take more than a day for this to 'blow over'."

She was right, Logan knew. But the truth was, he didn't want to confront James or Kendall in fear of them getting angry again. The last thing Logan needed was to jeopardize his own friendship with the two.

"I'll talk to them in the morning," he said. "Promise." There. Now he had to do it.

Katie didn't move. Her arms were crossed over her chest, eyes downcast.

"Okay?" said Logan.

She looked up and shrugged. "Okay."

* * *

Kendall returned from where ever he had been hours later. James stayed in his room for most of the evening. They never even came in contact with each other.

Logan had tried to read a book to pass the time, but he couldn't concentrate. Then he was invited to play a videogame with Katie, but just could not get into it. Eventually he went to his bedroom and declared he was going to sleep early.

But he wouldn't sleep. He never could sleep.

Logan changed into pajamas and laid sprawled out on his bed, clutching his pillow. He watched as the alarm clock ticked to 9:30, then 9:45, then 10:00.

Logan sighed loudly and rolled over on his back, bored. Remembering the dictionary he had read the night before, Logan reached down and picked it up from the floor by the side of his bed.

Hours passed, and midnight arrived. Logan was reading the definition of 'faradize' when he realized he was thirsty.

He threw his legs over the side of his bed and rose to his feet. The rush of blood to his head clouded his vision with black spots for a moment before he blinked them away and started quietly for the door.

Logan entered the hall and stopped. It was midnight, and everyone should have been asleep. But through the darkness of the hall emerged a dim glow, coming somewhere from the left. He turned his head towards the living room. Muffled voices could be heard.

Forgetting about his thirst, Logan decided instead to investigate the voices. He crept soundlessly through the hall, making sure not to step on any squeaky floor boards. He could now make out the voices as Mrs. Knight's, Mr. Garcia's, and Mrs. Garcia's. Logan hadn't heard them come home. Was something wrong?

He progressed within earshot.

"Could we please speak with you for a moment?"

Logan froze, straining his ears to hear Mrs. Garcia's voice. He peeked around the corner to get a look at the adults in the room.

"Of course," Mrs. Knight replied, guiding Mrs. Garcia into a chair. Mr. Garcia stood behind his wife with both hands on her shoulders.

Logan slowly and quietly maneuvered to the side, pressing his back against the wall in the hallway. The darkness concealed him nicely.

"We just want to thank you," said Mr. Garcia, "for everything you have done for our family. We are truly grateful."

Mrs. Knight put a hand over her heart. "It is absolutely no trouble at all," she assured.

"Thank you," Mr. Garcia repeated.

Mrs. Garcia sniffled and reached for a tissue on the coffee table. "We need to ask your opinion about something."

"What is it?" wondered Mrs. Knight.

Logan held his breath, sensing the nervousness in the adults' voices.

"As you know," Mrs. Garcia explained, "Carlos hasn't shown any signs of… getting better." She could hardly choke the words out.

Mr. Garcia took over. "If not for that machine, our son would be dead." He stopped, took a deep breath, and continued. "We can't allow him to keep living like that forever. That is not a life at all."

Logan clapped a hand over his mouth to keep himself from emitting a squeak. His brain screamed at him to leave, to retreat back to his bedroom and lock the door. But his feet disobeyed, keeping him firmly planted to the ground as frightened tears welled in his eyes.

"I understand," said Mrs. Knight, voice so quiet that Logan could hardly make it out.

"What would you do?" asked Mrs. Garcia, beginning to cry. "Would you let him go? Or would you give it more time?"

There was a pause. Logan's heart pounded so loudly in his chest that he wondered if the adults could hear it. Hand still clamped tightly over his mouth, Logan's body began to shake with fear.

"I guess I'm not sure," Mrs. Knight finally answered.

"What if it was your son?" Mrs. Garcia pressed. "Then what would you do?"

There was a tiny chuckle from Kendall's mother. "Oh, trust me. All those boys have been accepted as my own." She sighed, becoming serious. "I guess if you really want my opinion, I'll give it to you: I'd wait. I'm not sure how long, but it only has been a few days. Maybe a miracle will happen."

"We pray for one every night," Mr. Garcia said softly.

Logan turned away. He didn't want to hear any more.

As quietly as he could, he hurried back to his bedroom and closed the door. Keeping the light off, he smacked the dictionary away and flopped himself on his bed. He pressed his face into his pillow as small sobs forced their way out of his throat.

Logan wasn't sure how much more he could take.

* * *

The days passed slowly. Thursday marked day six since the accident, and day three of Kendall and James's persisting silence toward each other. It broke Logan's heart.

He had tried to speak with Kendall, like he had promised Katie, but Kendall said he had nothing to say to James. When Logan pressed on, Kendall snapped at him and told him to drop it. Not wanting to anger his friend any more, Logan obeyed.

Logan then figured talking with James would be useless, so he didn't even bother.

It had become a daily routine to wake up, get ready, drive to the hospital to visit Carlos, go back to the apartment for lunch (which Logan still couldn't eat), and spend the rest of the afternoon in isolation. Kendall, of course, never rode with to go to the hospital, much to James's dismay. But Logan was actually thankful, in a way, that Kendall didn't go. It gave Logan a chance to spend some time with James. He missed hearing his friend's voice around the house.

Logan had decided not to tell his friends about the conversation he had eavesdropped on several nights prior. If the adults were talking in private, then it was most likely supposed to be kept that way. But every day that passed had Logan absorbed in a new fear: the fear that the Garcias would announce the termination of Carlos's life support.

Logan shuddered and rolled over on his bed, rubbing at his eyes. He had managed to fall asleep for about a half hour. And he may have slept longer, but it was time to get moving for the day.

He rose to his feet slowly, neck and back sore and achy. His head throbbed and his skin was clammy.

"Woah," he gasped, losing his balance as he stood. He fumbled for something to hold onto, eventually reaching for his bedside table. Logan took a deep breath. His legs felt weak and useless.

Figuring he needed to walk it off, he took his time and crossed his room, making his way to his closet to change out of his pajamas and into some normal clothes. He gritted his teeth together as he struggled to put his hands over his head. Why did his muscles feel so frail all of a sudden?

Logan managed to get a t-shirt on and slip into a pair of jeans. When he entered the main room of apartment 2J, he was surprised to see Kendall already up for the day. Kendall was seated on the orange couch, watching TV.

Logan had so many things on his mind, and he just wanted to talk. He needed some interaction with his friends. Needed to hear their voices.

"Kendall."

The blond slowly turned around and gave an acknowledging nod.

Logan approached his friend. "Kendall, can we talk?"

The TV was clicked off, and Kendall rose to his feet. "Look, Logan, I told you. I don't want to talk about James right now, okay? If he's going to keep acting like a jerk, then I don't want to be around him."

"Okay, but… I just want to talk," Logan murmured.

Kendall's features relaxed a bit, and he reached out, putting a hand on Logan's shoulder. The touch was comforting. "I'm sorry. But I don't want to talk right now, alright?"

Before Logan had a chance to plead with him some more, Kendall was walking towards the front door. "I'm going to go find Jo, okay? Tell my mom if she's wondering."

He hadn't been gone for more than two seconds when James entered from the hall, dressed in his pajamas. He strode across the room, heading towards the bathroom.

"James, wait," said Logan, stepping in front of him. He was desperate. "James, please, I don't want to talk about Kendall and I don't want to talk about Carlos. I just want to talk. Please?"

James raised an eyebrow. "Huh?"

"Talk to me. I won't bother you about Kendall, I promise. And I won't mention Carlos, either, if you don't want me to." Logan was practically begging. "Just talk with me, okay?"

James yawned and lazily scratched his head. "What do you want to talk about?"

"Just… I don't know. Stuff."

Logan hadn't realized James had a bundle of clothes in his hands until he held them up. "Well, can it wait? I'm gonna take a shower."

Logan felt his heart drop to his feet. "Can't your shower wait?" he asked.

James let out a laugh. "Yeah, right. And let all the hot nurses at the hospital see me all dirty and gross? Pfft." He brushed past Logan and entered the bathroom, closing the door behind him. Logan stood still, listening for the water to start running.

When it did, he lowered himself in a kitchen chair, tears clouding his vision. He just wanted to talk.

* * *

Friday morning. One week since the accident. Seven days of getting an estimated total of eight hours of sleep. Four days of Kendall and James avoiding each other. Four days of hiding secrets.

Logan could barely get out of bed. He hadn't slept at all. Countless thoughts and worries invaded his mind, as well as the remembrance that today was the day Gustavo was sending Big Time Rush's song off to Griffin. It was just another thing to add to Logan's mental list of troubles. Every minute that passed had him thinking about either his job, his lack of sleep and lack of appetite, Carlos, Kendall and James, the conversation about ending Carlos's life support, and how much he missed the contact with his friends. It was exhausting.

Logan had taken his pajama shirt off during the night after randomly breaking into a sweat. Every muscle felt weak and achy, his throat was dry and scratchy, and his head ached worse than he had ever felt before.

Logan groaned as he slowly and painfully pulled himself upright. Something was wrong. He knew it immediately.

Despite that knowledge, he tried to stand. It was a foolish move. His legs buckled from beneath him and he crumpled to the floor, letting out a tiny cry. He squeezed his eyes shut, then opened them. It took a full three seconds before his vision reverted to normal and he no longer saw double.

Panting, he ran a hand through his hair and used the edge of his bed to yank himself back up. He stopped as a wave of nausea ripped through his body. Logan clutched a hand to his stomach and waited for the feeling to pass.

When he finally straightened himself up, his forehead was covered in a sheen of sweat. Logan gulped and wiped it away with the back of his hand. He glanced at the clock. He had to get ready. They would be leaving to see Carlos in a couple hours.

Grabbing some clothes from his closet, Logan opened the door to his room and shuffled groggily down the hall. Perhaps a shower would make him feel better. Showers always made him feel better.

Mrs. Knight was watching TV in the living room and James was at the table eating a bowl of cereal. "Good morning, Logan," she said as he dragged past.

"Morning," he murmured. There was a time he considered talking with Mrs. Knight, but if the Garcias were discussing their son's situation with her, Logan figured Mrs. Knight had just as much stuff to worry about. He didn't want to burden her with his problems.

Logan finally entered the bathroom and tossed his clothes on the floor. With creaky arms, he undressed and pulled back the shower curtain.

He turned the knob, sticking one hand in the running water as he adjusted it to his liking. When he stepped inside and drew the curtain shut, the soothing spray immediately calmed his shaking muscles. He sighed contentedly, rubbing both hands over his hair.

Logan reached for a bar of soap and began to run it over his arms. His skin was already reddening from the temperature of the shower. Logan took a deep breath. His head was beginning to feel weightless on his shoulders, and the hot water was probably not helping his situation.

He used slippery fingers to twist the knob to the side. The water cooled just a bit, and for a moment he stood still, watching soapy bubbles swirl down the drain.

The lightheadedness he felt didn't seem to ease. Frowning, Logan considerably lowered the temperature until it was only lukewarm. He took the bar of soap in his hands once again and swiped it over his chest and legs. After he replaced it on the tray, he brought his hands up to his face and scrubbed, feeling the dirt and grime sweep away.

Logan's head was becoming more difficult to ignore. He found himself fighting off another round of nausea as he reached down to seize a shampoo bottle.

Black spots began to dot his vision, and he gasped. The bottle clattered to the floor of the shower. Logan joined it a moment later, one knee giving out and pressing into the spongy bathmat. He tightly shut his eyes shut and sucked in a mouthful of air. He began to tilt to the side.

With the water still running, Logan succumbed to blackness, his body collapsing in the tub.


	10. Temporary Truce

**A/N: Another fast update! I'm on a roll. I really like this chapter. It's been the most fun to write so far. I hope you like it :) Thanks to everyone reading and reviewing!**

* * *

Chapter 10  
Temporary Truce

"Logan, are you done yet?"

There was a loud bang on the door, snapping Logan awake. He inhaled sharply. The water felt like tiny, icy daggers slicing through his skin. Panting and slightly disoriented, he scrambled for the knob and shut off the spray of water. His entire body was quivering and his teeth were chattering together.

Logan looked down, getting his bearings. He was still on the floor of the shower, his body laying in pools of freezing water.

"Hey, are you okay in there?" James's voice asked from the other side of the door.

Logan felt himself begin to panic. Both hands gripped the edge of the tub as he managed to pull himself to his feet. "F-Fine," he stammered in response, yanking open the shower curtain. Water dripped off his hair and ran down his back, causing him to shiver.

His head still felt light as a feather as he climbed out of the shower and clumsily groped for the towel he left folded on the sink counter. His hands were trembling so violently that he dropped the towel twice in his attempt to unravel it. An unexpected whimper of alarm escaped him. When he finally succeeded, Logan wrapped the towel securely around his waist, then bent down to gather his clothes.

He pulled the bathroom door open, the rush of cool air intensifying the goose bumps on his skin. James was leaning against the counter in the kitchen, looking impatient. He narrowed his eyebrows in confusion as Logan pushed past him.

He could feel his face flush. Normally he would have dressed in the bathroom. With Katie and Mrs. Knight in the house, Logan considered it rude to walk around clad in only a towel. He kept his eyes on the floor as he hurried past Kendall's mother, who was seated on the couch. He was unsure if she even noticed him.

Logan's knees were wobbling as he made it to his room and slammed the door shut. He let the pile of clothes in his hands fall to the floor in a heap. Feeling faint, he rushed to the edge of his bed and sat, doubling over so his forehead touched his lap. He had read once in _Future Doctor_ magazine that you were supposed to sit with your head between your knees if you felt as though you were going to pass out.

He gritted his teeth to prevent them from clicking together anymore. Every part of his body was involuntarily shaking. How long was he in there? Logan turned his head to get a look at the alarm clock perched on his bedside table. The digital numbers began to blur as frightened tears filled his eyes. Thirty five minutes. He had been laying there for thirty five minutes.

More small whimpers and gasps came out of his mouth. Icy water trickled down his skin, contributing to his already immense shuddering.

The black spots returned. Logan shut his eyes and gripped fistfuls of his bed sheets, desperately trying to fend off the darkness threatening to take him. It was no use. His eyelids stayed closed as his body fell forward. He slammed against the carpet and didn't move.

* * *

James always felt great after a shower. Unfortunately, he had to cut it short. Logan's half-hour cleansing used up nearly all the hot water, leaving James with a less than pleasant lukewarm spray.

After washing and dressing himself, he wiped away the fog on the bathroom mirror and examined his reflection. He ran his lucky comb through his wet hair a couple times before pulling open a drawer below the sink and retrieving his hairdryer. He flipped it on and began to put his hair through its normal routine, untangling the snarls as it dried.

When James was finished, he stuffed the appliance back in its proper place and left the bathroom. Mrs. Knight was standing in front of the kitchen counter, stirring a cup of tea. Still running his comb through his hair, he ventured through the living room and down the hall. On his way to his bedroom, James noticed Logan's door was closed.

He rapped his knuckles on the door. "Thanks for hogging all the hot water," he grumbled. Truth be told, he wasn't even that mad. He understood how much a long, hot shower could calm a person down, and with everything that had been happening in the last week, James knew he couldn't blame Logan for wanting to relax.

He knocked again when Logan didn't answer him. "Hey. Logan." Silence.

He sighed. Now what? Was Logan mad at him or something?

James frowned and tried the doorknob, finding it unlocked. "Hey, man, I'm not really mad that -" He stopped, gasping at the sight before him. His lucky comb tumbled out of his hand and onto the floor.

Logan laid on the carpet in front of his bed, pale and unmoving, clad in only a towel. Glistening beads of water coated his pasty skin. Arms were spread out to the sides as if he had fallen out of bed.

Fear pounded through James so hard that he momentarily wavered on his feet. He could feel the sensation surge down his spine and to his feet, like a lightning bolt.

He recovered quickly and dropped down next to his friend. His eyes scanned over Logan's body, not sure what to do.

James moved closer, putting one of his hands on Logan's cheek. It was icy cold. He gave it a gentle slap. "Logan," he breathed, one step away from panicking. "Logan, please wake up. Come on, man, get up!" He patted Logan's cheek again. Fearful tears filled his eyes as James apprehended the fact that Logan looked an awfully like Carlos laying on the ground. "Logan…"

The dark-haired boy's eyes slowly fluttered open. James realized he was holding his breath and let it out in one large exhale. The lightning bolt sensation reoccurred, only this time it carried relief.

But his concern returned when he noticed how violently Logan was trembling. James was unsure of what to ask first. "Logan, what happened? Are you okay? Can you stand?"

Logan blinked a few times as he attempted to prop himself up on an elbow. Tears misted his eyes and a tiny whimper emitted from his throat.

"Come on, I'll help you up," said James, his mind whirling.

James maneuvered around the quivering boy and placed his hands under Logan's bare arms. He grunted as he yanked up. Logan stumbled, reaching out to grab the front of James's shirt to steady himself. The towel around Logan's waist unraveled and fell to the floor, but it was ignored.

Logan was crying as James led him to the edge of the bed. His body was shuddering intensely, and his breaths came in small gasps. "W-What? Are you…?" James stammered, shaking his head. He wanted to ask Logan again what was going on, but he couldn't seem to form a sentence. He got on his knees in front of his distressed friend, ready to put his hands on Logan's shoulders to comfort him. However, he stopped when he noticed Logan's lack of clothes. "Oops. Here." He whipped around and grabbed the towel from the floor.

Logan's face blushed bright red as he accepted the towel and draped it over his lap. Obviously embarrassed, he pulled a bed sheet closer to his body to help cover himself.

James tried again. "Logan… what - ?"

"I'm fine, I'm fine," muttered Logan, furiously wiping at his eyes and nose.

James wasn't buying it for a second. "Dude, you were passed out on the floor. That is not fine." He wished Kendall was with them. James was never any good at handling delicate situations. But if Kendall didn't care about Carlos, he probably didn't care about Logan, either.

"I'm just tired, okay? As soon as I lie down I'll be fine." Logan's tears had already ceased falling, but his body still shook.

"But you weren't _sleeping_," James argued, "you were unconscious!" He put both hands on his head and took a deep breath, trying to calm his astounded nerves. "Has this happened before?"

Logan shook his head. "J-Just in the shower."

James gaped at him in disbelief. Logan spent more than half an hour unconscious in the bathroom and James didn't notice? What kind of friend was he? "Dude, you fainted in the _shower_? That's -"

"I know!" Logan cried, cutting him off. He nervously fiddled with the end of the sheet. "It could have been bad, I know. But I'm fine. I'm just tired, James. Really. It's okay."

Best friend protection mode kicked on, and James rose from the floor and took a seat next to Logan on the edge of the bed. "No, Logan, it's not okay! You need to see a doctor or something. This… this isn't normal!"

"No!" he exclaimed, tears springing back into his eyes. "Please don't tell! I'm just tired, that's all. I swear. Please don't tell anyone about this."

James had no clue as to why Logan was being so stubborn. After all, Logan was the one with the medical knowledge. Surely if _James_ knew this was abnormal, Logan knew as well.

A small feeling of guilt fluttered within him, but James knew he needed to think of his friend's best interest. "Logan, I'm sorry, but I have to tell." Logan started to protest, but James spoke over him. "This could be serious! Do you really think I'm going to let this happen to you again?"

"It won't happen again," Logan insisted. He hugged the bed sheet closer to his chest, looking like a frightened child. "As soon as I lay down and get some sleep, everything will be fine."

Seeing his best friend so obviously shaken up by the previous events was enough for James to be firm in his opinion. Though his decision was made, he figured he might as well press on for information. "What do you mean? Haven't you been sleeping well?"

Logan averted his eyes to the floor. "Well, no," he admitted sheepishly. "But you can't tell me you have, either."

James suddenly became painfully aware of the dark, deep circles etched under Logan's eyes, his slumped shoulders, and his pale complexion. "I haven't been sleeping _well_, but at least I've been sleeping."

Logan kept his gaze on the floor, sniffling. James lowered his voice. "Why didn't you tell us?"

Us. The word presented itself on his tongue due to force of habit. With Carlos in the hospital and James and Kendall barely speaking, it was beginning to feel as though the term 'us' could no longer be used.

"Because," said Logan, finally looking up, "it's nothing to be concerned about! And if I told you or Kendall or Mrs. Knight, you'd just be worried about me. And we have enough stuff to worry about already."

Logan's response hit James like a slap to the face. He sat silent for a moment, dumbfounded and unsure of how to respond.

In the end, he did the only thing he could think to do: he called for Kendall's mother.

"Dude!" Logan cried, slapping James's arm. "I said -"

"I know what you said!" James shot off the bed, exasperatingly flinging his hands in the air. "You think I'm gonna sit back and watch you get hurt? Do you know how scary it was when I walked in here and saw you laying on the floor? I do _not _want that to happen again, Logan. Ever."

Logan frowned, but said nothing else.

Seconds later, Mrs. Knight appeared. She froze at the door, most likely because she was unsure of how to react to the sight in front of her. Logan, surprisingly, was quiet as James explained everything to Kendall's mother. She listened intently, her expression slowly morphing into one of worry.

When James completed recounting what had happened, Mrs. Knight marched into the room and knelt in front of Logan. "Sweetheart, look at me," she demanded. Logan shyly met her eyes. "Is all this true? You fainted?"

After a small pause, he nodded.

Mrs. Knight sneaked a quick glance at James. "Okay," she said to Logan with a nervous exhale. "You'll need to get dressed; we're taking you to the doctor."

"Mrs. Knight, I -" started Logan.

She held up a finger to silence him. "Don't argue with me." The stern tone in her voice vanished as quickly as it came. She rested a motherly hand on his arm. "Do you need someone to help you get dressed?"

"No, I can do it."

She eyed him suspiciously.

"I can. Really."

"Okay," she relented, "but I'm going to stand right outside the door incase you need me, alright? James, you run downstairs and get Kendall."

At the mention of Kendall's name, James's body tensed. But he nodded nonetheless and jogged out of the room, making sure to get another look at Logan before he left. He wondered if Logan would ever confide in him again. Logan had trusted James with an issue that was meant to be a secret, and James had went and told on him.

But, James thought, it would be worth it_. _He'd rather have Logan hate him and be safe than have Logan as a friend and hurt. Even so, the thought of Logan being angry at him made James sick to his stomach. At the moment, Logan was all he had.

He exited the apartment and trotted down the hall to the stairwell. He took the stairs two at a time on his way down.

When James entered the lobby, he gazed around for Kendall. He was spotted sitting in one of the chairs across from Jo. Their faces were grim, as if they were having a serious conversation. James took a deep breath, preparing to speak to Kendall for the first time in days.

"Kendall," James called, hurrying over. Both Kendall and Jo looked up. "You have to come upstairs. We're taking Logan to the doctor."

Kendall's eyes widened. "Huh?"

"Come on," James said, already walking away. Kendall scrambled to his feet, telling a nervous looking Jo over his shoulder that he'd call her later. James reached the door to the stairwell and pushed it open.

"Hey," Kendall said, joining him in running up the stairs. "James, what's going on? What's wrong with him?"

James shrugged. "He's passed out twice. I told your mom and now we're going to take him to the doctor."

James was slightly surprised when Kendall barreled past him and was the first to reach the second floor.

* * *

Kendall nervously tapped his foot. He wiped his sweaty palms on the thighs of his jeans. The clinic's waiting room wasn't blindingly white like the hospital's, but it was still a waiting room. Bitter memories of sitting in the lumpy green chairs floated into Kendall's head.

In the chair to his left, Katie doodled in a notebook she brought along, and to his right his mother paged through an issue of _Better Homes and Gardens_ dated from 2007. Across from him, James had his arms crossed over his chest and had been staring into space, unblinking, for about five minutes.

Something was wrong with Logan. At first, Kendall put the blame entirely on himself. Logan was his best friend - Kendall should have noticed any warning signs. Or he should have at least talked with him.

But as Kendall sat in the waiting room of the walk-in clinic, tapping his foot and watching his mother read and his sister draw and James stare, he realized he wasn't the only person who should have noticed anything suspicious. James was Logan's friend too. They were both at fault. Logan was here because of them. And now Kendall had two friends who were hurt.

He felt nauseous. How could this have happened? He was the worst friend in history. He and James were so busy avoiding each other after their fight at Rocque Records, that they didn't pay any mind to Logan.

Kendall was supposed to be the leader. He was supposed to be able to help his friends with their problems. Somehow Logan must have gotten the impression that Kendall didn't want to help him. And that knowledge broke Kendall's heart.

He raked both hands through his hair and leaned forward in his seat. James already thought Kendall was a heartless jerk. Now Logan probably thought it, too.

Logan appeared from the hall moments later with a doctor leading the way. Kendall instantly sprang to his feet. "Logan!" he cried. He nearly threw his arms around his friend, but changed his mind at the last second, instead grabbing both of Logan's shoulders. "You okay?"

Logan nodded, lifting one corner of his mouth as if to prove it. From behind them, James snapped out of his thoughts and scrambled over, grinning with relief when he saw Logan's tiny smile.

Mrs. Knight tossed aside her magazine and rose to greet the doctor. "How is he? Will he be alright?"

The doctor gave Logan a pat on the back. "He should be just fine. Logan has told me all about the unfortunate situation regarding his friend. Dealing with problems under those circumstances can cause an extreme amount of stress, or in his case, exhaustion."

James raised an eyebrow. "Huh? Logan's exhausted?" He turned to his friend and gave him a quick once-over. Kendall rolled his eyes, and Logan shrunk back under James's scrutiny.

"Yes," answered the doctor. "His exhaustion is partially due to his insomnia, or inability to sleep. The lack of rest has contributed to his loss of appetite, which should return once he's back on a normal sleeping schedule."

Kendall crinkled his brow together in confusion. Logan hadn't been sleeping _or _eating? How could he have been so blind?

"I don't get it," Katie said, proceeding to stand next to her mother. "So… because Logan's tired, he passed out?"

"Not getting enough sleep or nutrition has made his body weak," explained the physician. "Fainting is his body's way of saying he needs to recuperate." He held out a slip of paper, which Kendall's mother accepted. "I've written a prescription for a sleeping aid and some B vitamins. The vitamins can be taken once a day with a meal, and the sleeping aids should be taken about an hour before bedtime."

Mrs. Knight thanked the doctor, and all five shook his hand before he left to go assist another patient.

"Glad you're okay," James said to Logan, giving his arm a playful nudge.

"Me too," Kendall agreed.

"Thanks," said Logan, awkwardly rubbing the back of his neck.

Katie smirked and held out her fist, which Logan bumped in return. Even Mrs. Knight looped an arm around his shoulders and gave him a one armed hug. A slight blush crept into Logan's cheeks, but he smiled at her nonetheless.

"We'll stop at the pharmacy on our way home," Mrs. Knight informed, still clutching Logan's prescription.

The five left the waiting room, Logan, Mrs. Knight and Katie in front, and James and Kendall trailing behind. When they reached the main corridor of the clinic, Kendall approached James. "We need to talk," he whispered. It was strange to speak to James when Kendall hadn't done so in so long.

James gave him a confused look for a moment, but nodded anyway.

"Mom," said Kendall. "I need to use the bathroom before we go."

James caught on. "Oh, uh, me too."

She nodded. "Alright, we'll meet you in the car." Mrs. Knight, Katie and Logan exited the building and started off to the parking lot. Kendall wordlessly turned and walked towards the restrooms, James uneasily following.

He was thankful no one else was in the room. Kendall stopped and faced James, who was staring at his feet. Kendall knew why. The last time they were in a bathroom together, things had gotten ugly.

But Kendall was willing to put that aside for now. Logan was his main concern. "How did we miss that, James?"

The taller boy weakly shrugged his shoulders. "I don't know."

Kendall paced the room as James stayed in place. He walked over to the sinks and leaned against the counter, staring at his reflection in the mirror. The lighting in the bathroom allowed him to notice his own bloodshot eyes and ashen skin. "Yeah, well, I know. We were too busy fighting with each other that we weren't paying attention to Logan. And he needed us." Kendall pushed himself away from the sink and mirrors, turning back to James, who still refused to look him in the eye. "That could have been really bad."

"Yeah," said James, his voice quiet.

Kendall paused. He put both hands on his head and slowly rotated his body three hundred and sixty degrees, thinking of what to say next. "Look, I know I've been a real jerk lately. But we're best friends. And friends aren't supposed to fight, especially now when we need each other the most."

James didn't move.

"I don't want to do this anymore," said Kendall. "And I'm sorry." When James still remained motionless, Kendall began to worry. "Can you forgive me?"

James finally looked up. He spoke with little hesitation, the word so flat and emotionless, so simple and so heartbreaking. "No."

Suddenly, Kendall's world shattered. The walls, the floor, and the ceiling all crumbled into nothing. James was the only figure in his vision.

Kendall's eyebrows narrowed together in bewilderment and hurt as he felt his heart get ripped out of his chest. He and James had known each other since pre-kindergarten, but never before had one not forgiven the other when asked. It was automatic. Best friends forgave each other, always. Because when you asked for forgiveness, it usually meant you'd learned from your mistakes.

Even more frightening was that Kendall had certainly never witnessed James hold a grudge. He wasn't that kind of person. He was carefree, easygoing, trusting, and most of all, forgiving.

James took a few steps forward, approaching dumbstruck Kendall. "I will stop avoiding you and form a temporary truce, but only for Logan's sake. Not ours." Kendall swallowed nervously at the firmness of his voice. "Don't tell me you're sorry, alright? Show me. If you go see Carlos in the hospital, I'll forgive you. For everything."

Kendall shrunk back. He had never felt so dejected and betrayed in his life. His mind was whirling, trying to piece together what was happening.

James lowered his voice to nearly a whisper. "Why won't you see him, Kendall?"

His throat was beginning to swell with emotion. It took willpower he didn't even know he had to squeak a response. "I can't."

The taller boy's face reddened with frustration. "_Why_? Is there something I'm not getting here? Please, Kendall, you can tell me. C'mon, man…"

A week ago, Kendall would have believed him. But even if he wanted to admit he was too afraid to visit Carlos, he couldn't. Not now. Not with James angry with him. Not with Logan stressed out to the point of exhaustion. Not with Katie going to him for comfort. It would only make them feel worse.

Kendall realized he had taken too long mulling the situation over when James shook his head disappointedly. "I thought I knew you better than that."

_I thought I knew you, too_, thought Kendall. James's comment stung, though. With a glowering look, James pushed open the restroom door and stepped out.

And Kendall was alone.


	11. Fire vs Fire

**A/N: Bear with me on this one, guys. It took me FOREVER to write this chapter. It's kind of jumpy; I wanted specific things to be included in this chapter, but I also didn't want it to be super long. So, I ultimately had to do a lot of editing (which made me die a little inside). But, I hope you like the finished product! Here is chapter 11.**

* * *

Chapter 11  
Fire vs. Fire

Kendall nervously glanced at the clock as his mother plopped a sandwich on his plate. "Why isn't he up yet?"

Mrs. Knight delivered a sandwich to Katie and James before walking back into the kitchen. "Because he's tired," she replied simply. "That sleeping pill is just working its magic."

"Yeah, but Logan never sleeps past eight, no matter how tired he is," said Kendall. "It's twelve thirty. Half the day will be gone before he even wakes up."

"He's just catching up on sleep he didn't get," Katie said, nonchalantly biting into her lunch.

Kendall frowned and looked down at his sandwich. He would feel much more hungry if he knew Logan was alright.

Having only James and Katie at the table felt strange. The Garcias were out and about somewhere, and Carlos, obviously, couldn't be there. But Logan should be. Nonetheless, Kendall slowly lifted the sandwich from his plate and brought it to his mouth. It felt good to use his left hand again. The bandage was gone and the stitches had been finally been removed. A pink scar was still visible on his palm, but Kendall's mother assured him it would become less noticeable in time.

Kendall chewed his food, glancing over at James. The taller boy ate in silence, keeping his eyes down.

Kendall couldn't get James's words out of his head: _"I will stop avoiding you and form a temporary truce, but only for Logan's sake. Not ours." _And James actually had kept his word.

Yesterday, when everyone had returned home from the clinic, Mrs. Knight forced Logan to go change into a pair of pajamas. She spread blankets over the couch in the living room and made him lay down while she cooked him a meal. Logan tried to protest, but Mrs. Knight made herself very clear that he was not going anywhere until he ate everything she prepared for him.

All the attention clearly had Logan embarrassed. His cheeks were set in a deep shade of red and he shrank back into the cushions of the couch. So, Kendall and James sat beside Logan to keep him company as the smell of homemade stew wafted in from the kitchen. They shot the breeze for a while, not really talking about anything in particular. It was evident that Logan relaxed and became more at ease the longer the three talked and joked.

Even Kendall was beginning to feel a little better about everything that had been happening in the last week. But that abruptly changed when he remembered what James had said in the bathroom.

It was all an act. An act for Logan's sake. James still hated Kendall, even after Kendall had apologized and asked for forgiveness.

Kendall wondered if not telling Logan about it counted as lying. He didn't think so, because Logan never specifically asked if the two had made amends. Hiding something and lying were two different things, right?

"Good morning," a cheerful voice sang.

Kendall looked up to see Logan entering the room, a big grin across his face.

"Morning, buddy," Kendall greeted, failing to hide a relieved smile. He looked over at the clock in the kitchen again. Logan may have slept four and a half hours longer than normal, but at least he looked better. His skin wasn't as pale, the circles under his eyes weren't as glaring, and his motions were a little more robust.

"Morning," James and Katie said, eyes following Logan as he strode into the kitchen.

"Good morning, sweetheart," said Mrs. Knight, giving him a tiny kiss on the temple. "How are you feeling?"

Logan took a deep breath and stretched his arms up in the air. "I feel pretty good," he admitted. "I slept really well last night. And you know what? I think I could go for some breakfast."

Mrs. Knight smiled and patted his shoulder as she moved past him to place three bottles of water next to James, Katie and Kendall.

"Don't you mean lunch?" asked Katie, smirking.

Logan blinked in confusion. "What do you mean?"

James laughed through a mouthful of sandwich. "Dude, it's twelve thirty."

Kendall watched in amusement as Logan whipped his head around to the kitchen clock. His mouth opened and closed as he fumbled for something to say, obviously bewildered that he had slept for so long. Mrs. Knight had Logan take his pill at eight PM that night, and at nine made Kendall and James carry Logan to his bedroom because he had fallen asleep on the couch and was practically unconscious.

"I slept for nearly fourteen hours?" Logan exclaimed.

"Out like a light," said Katie, not looking up from picking the crusts off her sandwich.

Logan let out a tiny gasp and yanked open a cupboard door, rummaging around for his bottle of sleeping pills. "What's _in_ these things?" he said, scanning the label. "A tranquilizer or something?"

"Logan, relax," said Kendall. He stood from his chair and wandered over to his friend in the kitchen. "These pills are _supposed _to make you sleep." Kendall took the bottle from Logan's hand before looping an arm around his shoulders. "That's why they're called sleeping pills."

"Yeah," said Logan, "but for fourteen hours? I've never slept that long in my life!"

"Well," Mrs. Knight said, "when you haven't slept in days and your body is exhausted, I'd be concerned if you _didn't_ sleep for fourteen hours."

Kendall gave Logan's back a brotherly pat as Logan pulled away from him and began to nervously pace the kitchen floor. "I guess you're right," he murmured.

"Good." Mrs. Knight smiled warmly, and Logan smiled back. "So would you like me to make you some breakfast? …Or lunch?" She stopped. "Brunch?"

"That's alright, Mrs. Knight. I'll just make myself a PBJ or something…" his voice trailed off, as if he was thinking. "Hey, have you guys went to the hospital yet this morning?"

Kendall felt his mouth go dry. He dropped his eyes to the ground in hopes of missing the glare James would surely throw his way.

"We were waiting for you to get up," Mrs. Knight answered. "We'll head over there as soon as you eat something."

Logan nodded. "Okay. Sounds good."

As Logan began to rifle through the fridge for some jelly to make his sandwich, Kendall slowly backed out of the room, passing James and Katie still eating at the table. A familiar guilty sensation fluttered inside his chest, but somehow, Kendall managed to force it away. He didn't want to think about Carlos in the hospital or James not forgiving him. Kendall just wanted to focus on the positives. Logan was okay. He had gotten sleep, and he was hungry. He looked better, he sounded better, and he acted better.

And at the moment, that was all that mattered.

* * *

Logan and James sat in the backseat of Mrs. Knight's van as she drove them to the hospital to visit Carlos for the day.

Logan sipped on a juice box, feeling like a two-year-old. But it was delicious. And he was thirsty.

He smiled as he sucked some fruit punch through the tiny bendy straw. Logan felt _great_. Better than he had in a week. His muscles were still a little stiff and sore, but no where near as painful as they had been yesterday. His eyelids weren't as heavy, his stomach wasn't as empty, and if he wasn't sitting in the car, he probably would be laughing and doing a back flip.

And best of all, James and Kendall were back to being friends again!

Logan had felt absolutely miserable the day before. All he could think about was how much worry he had put everyone through. But later, as Mrs. Knight practically force-fed him a bowl of hearty stew, Logan wondered if going to the doctor was a good thing. After all, it had forced James and Kendall to forget about their pointless quarreling. And now they talked and joked with each other like nothing had ever happened.

Logan sighed contentedly, settling into his seat as buildings and cars blurred by out the window. He finished the rest of his juice and held the empty box in his lap. His stomach growled. Maybe he should have eaten more than a peanut butter and jelly sandwich before he left the house.

"Mom?" said Katie. She sat up front in the passengers seat, eyes focused out the windshield. "How come Kendall never comes with us to see Carlos?"

The tiny smile that was still curving Logan's lips instantly vanished as he waited for Mrs. Knight's response. From beside him, James shifted positions in his seat.

"Well, honey…" said Mrs. Knight. She checked her blind spot, flipped her blinker on, and changed lanes as if stalling for time to think of a response. "Everyone has a different way of handling tough situations," she began. "Kendall will come around eventually."

Katie turned her head and stared out the window. "Yeah, well, by the time he comes around it might be too late."

Her voice was soft, and it sent a chill running down Logan's spine. She was right, he knew. At any moment they could get a phone call from the doctors saying some complications popped up and Carlos was…

Logan didn't want to finish his thought.

Of course, then there was Mr. and Mrs. Garcia, who Logan knew were debating whether or not to take their son off of life support, anyway.

Silence descended in the vehicle. Logan looked over at James, who had his head resting against the glass of the window.

And suddenly, Logan didn't feel like doing back flips anymore.

* * *

Mrs. Knight pulled the vehicle into the hospital parking lot, and the four exited the van and started for the doors. Logan disposed of his empty juice box in a trashcan at the building's entrance.

They walked the familiar halls, en route to room 116. Logan stopped when he noticed the door-less room to the side of the hall which contained a wall of vending machines. Still pretty hungry, Logan told the gang that he would catch up with them in a second.

He stepped into the room and reached in his back pocket for his wallet. Logan's eyes scanned the rows of candies and chips as he contemplated his choices. He fed his last dollar to the machine and was about to press a code for a Twix candy bar, when a pack of fruit snacks caught his eye.

Fruit Smackers. Carlos's favorite candy.

Logan inwardly smirked and punched in a number on the panel. A small bag fell down from the display, and a few coins clattered into the change bin. Logan collected the snack and the coins and hurried out of the room.

James was leaning against the wall outside of Carlos's room. Mrs. Knight and Katie were presumably inside.

"What did you get?" James wondered.

Logan held up the package. "For Carlos."

James raised an eyebrow. "You're not supposed to bring anything in there."

"Eh." Logan shrugged. "I don't really care anymore."

James chuckled quietly, and the two patiently waited for Kendall's family to finish their visit. When Mrs. Knight and Katie eventually shuffled out of the room, James and Logan entered.

"Hey, Carlos," Logan greeted, plopping down in a chair beside the bed.

James maneuvered to the opposite side, not bothering to sit down. "Hey, buddy."

Carlos looked slightly better than he had eight days ago. The swelling on his skin had went down dramatically, and the cuts and scrapes on his face were healing nicely. But the cast on his leg, the brace on his wrist, as well as the thick tube sticking down his throat still remained.

"I brought you something," Logan said to Carlos, sneaking a glance behind him at the door. He held up the packet of candy. "Fruit Smackers. Your favorite. They're only eighty-five cents at this vending machine." Logan smiled softly as his eyes misted over with tears. He gingerly took Carlos's hand in his own and placed the fruit snacks in Carlos's palm. Logan closed Carlos's fingers around the package and held on for several seconds, almost expecting to feel Carlos squeeze back. But, of course, he didn't.

Logan gently repositioned Carlos's hand, now clutching the Fruit Smackers, where it had been and leaned back in his chair. "You can't let the doctors see these," said Logan, wiping at his eyes. "We're not supposed to have them in here."

From beside Logan, the ventilator machine wheezed. The IV dripped. The heart monitor beeped slowly but surely. All the machines and tubes and wires were frightening to him, but also strangely fascinating.

"So…" James said, awkwardly rubbing the back of his neck. "Logan is taking sleeping pills now. And vitamins."

"Don't tell him that," Logan chided.

"Why not?"

"Because. It will make him feel bad."

James rolled his eyes. "It's not Carlos's fault." He looked back down to his unresponsive friend. "Don't worry, though. He's better now. Right, Logan?"

Logan nodded, then realized Carlos's eyes were shut. He cleared his throat. "Yeah. Yeah, I'm better now. I was just… I don't know. Scared, I guess."

A long pause. Logan stared at Carlos's closed eyes. He looked just like he was sleeping. It was frustrating to know that Carlos could not just be shaken awake.

"Logan, I'm sorry," said James, interrupting Logan's thoughts.

He tore his eyes away from Carlos and looked up. "Huh? For what?"

"Just…" James sighed and shook his head. "For everything. For ignoring you, and not talking with you and stuff. I'm sorry."

Logan shrugged. "It's okay. You and Kendall are friends again, that sleeping pill knocked me out last night, I'm actually really hungry right now, and," he rested his hand over Carlos's for the second time, "Carlos is going to get better. I know he is."

Logan's hopeful comment was intended to lighten the mood a bit, but James just stood with an expressionless face, unmoving, eyes trained down on Carlos.

He was about to ask James if he was alright when the taller boy turned. "Well, if you're hungry, we should probably get going," he declared. He reached down and rested a hand on Carlos's arm, just above the brace on his wrist. "See you later, Carlos. Wake up, okay? You've slept longer than Logan."

"Haha," Logan laughed sarcastically, getting to his feet. He followed James to the door, then stopped and turned around. "Oh, and Kendall says hi. And he hopes you wake up soon, and he cares about you, and he misses you. So, you know. Get better."

As Logan stepped into the starkly white hall to meet James, James leaned over and asked, "Did Kendall really say that?"

"No," Logan admitted, proceeding to reunite with Mrs. Knight and Katie, who were likely in the waiting area. "But I know he means it."

"Pfft," James muttered under his breath, turning his head away.

Logan stopped walking. He was about to ask James what he meant, but the ring of his cell phone cut him off. Logan dug around in his pocket until he located the device.

Kendall's name appeared on the screen. Confused, Logan pressed the phone to his ear. "Hello?"

"Hey, it's me," said Kendall. "I just got a call from Kelly. She wants us to go to Rocque Records."

"Really? Why?" Logan turned to look at James who was mouthing, 'Who is it?', but ignored him.

"She said we're having a meeting with Griffin or something," Kendall replied. "About the band and Fujizaki."

"I thought Griffin was in Japan?"

"He is. We're going to talk through video chat. Can you have my mom come pick me up? Then we'll head over there."

Logan agreed, and slapped his phone shut.

"Who was that?" asked James.

"Kendall," answered Logan, slipping the phone back into his pocket. "We're supposed to go to Rocque Records for a video chat meeting with Griffin to discuss the band."

"Fun," James muttered with a sigh.

Logan's good mood lessened. "Yeah. Fun."

* * *

The three boys were led into studio A, a large room within Rocque Records that Gustavo reserved for special conferences. A generously proportioned flat screen television hung from the wall, a tiny camera mounted on top.

Gustavo sat at the head of the table. Kelly had pulled up a chair next to him and had her clipboard and pen ready.

Kendall was seated by himself on the left side of the long table, and Logan and James were on the right. James had his hands in his lap and was nervously wringing them together. He never liked going to meetings. And for some reason, he had a bad feeling about this one.

"Griffin said to be online by two," said Gustavo as he pulled back his sweatshirt sleeve to squint at his wristwatch. "Where is he?"

As if on cue, the TV flashed blue for several seconds before Griffin appeared on screen. His short, grey hair was neatly combed, and his suit and tie were crisp. He was framed from his shoulders up, but James could see the RCM/CBT GlobalNet Sanyoid logo on the wall in the background, as well as some unreadable Japanese characters.

"Hello," he greeted, grinning and giving a tiny wave. "Isn't this neat? Can you see me?"

"Yes, we can see you," said Gustavo. "Tell us what happened with Fujizaki. What did he say about the song?"

Griffin raised his eyebrows. "Aren't you going to ask me about my day?"

"Not now, Griffin."

The CEO blinked slowly, obviously noting Gustavo's rare seriousness. He sighed. "Fujizaki loved the song."

Everyone exchanged glances. James found himself grinning as he whipped around in his chair to give Logan a high-five. Even Kendall looked pleased.

But Gustavo and Kelly did not.

James turned his attention back to Griffin, wondering why the adults didn't seem excited about the news. Griffin just said that Fujizaki loved the song. That's what they wanted to happen. Why was there little celebration?

"And?" said Gustavo.

James inwardly cringed and his smile disappeared as quickly as it came. There always had to be an 'and.'

"Well," started Griffin, "let me first tell you that Mr. Fujizaki sends his deepest condolences and is praying for Carlos's recovery." Griffin grinned and held up a banana that he obtained from somewhere off screen. "He also sends fruit baskets."

"_And_?" Gustavo pressed, no doubt losing his patience.

James held his breath as he waited for a response.

"And… he's still thinking about cutting our division."

James dropped his shoulders. All that for nothing. All that drama, all that arguing, all that stress about finishing the song… For nothing. He knew he should feel angry, but utter disappointment was the only thing he could feel.

Gustavo let out a growl and smacked his hand against the table, looking defeated.

"What? He can't do that!" cried Kendall, sitting on the edge of the seat. "Griffin, you can't let this happen. You have to do something."

"Believe me, I have been," Griffin replied. He glanced over each shoulder before leaning in closer to the camera. "The CEOs here in Japan are trying to take over this company. They're well aware of Mr. Fujizaki's senility, and let me tell you all, I've been doing a little…" He paused, and lowered his voice even more. "Investigating."

The way Griffin said it made James think of the man dressed in black with a tree-hat on his head, ducking behind plants and corners as he sneaked through the RCM/CBT headquarters. James didn't doubt if that was actually what Griffin had done.

"From what I've gathered," Griffin continued, "Mr. Fujizaki's business advisors and appointed CEOs want to take up the baton and run the company themselves. And as we all realize, Mr. Fujizaki isn't exactly the most discerning person in his old age. My best guess is that the CEOs heard about what's happened to Big Time Rush and are taking this as their big break. They are trying to convince Mr. Fujizaki to dump BTR and focus on other RCM/CBT GlobalNet Sanyoid products. I suppose it's because by allowing the band to be 'on hold' while Carlos is in the hospital, we're losing money."

James could hardly believe his ears. He slowly turned to look at Gustavo and Kelly. The assistant was scribbling away on her clipboard with narrowed eyes, biting down on her bottom lip. The boss, on the other hand, had his elbow resting on the table and the heel of his hand pressed into his forehead, deep in thought as he absorbed Griffin's information.

"I can't believe this," Kendall muttered to himself, clenching his fists. Even Logan was shaking his head.

Without looking up, Gustavo spoke. "Boys, will you please leave us alone for a minute?"

James shared a look with Logan before obeying. Gustavo sounded earnest, and it worried him.

The three boys slowly rose from their seats and wordlessly exited the room, unsure of how to react to Griffin's findings.

* * *

"Griffin, why do I get the feeling you're not telling me everything?" asked Gustavo after making sure the boys left the room.

The man on the television screen sighed softly. "Because I'm not."

From beside Gustavo, Kelly looked up. "Huh?"

"I didn't want to say anything in front of your boys, but some of Fujizaki's consultants think Big Time Rush sounds better as a trio."

Gustavo ran a hand over his face as he felt rage begin to bubble inside him. There was no way anyone was doing that to his dogs. Sure, they had nearly replaced James before, but this was different. Carlos was hurt. The poor kid was barely alive. It was appalling to think a sleazy CEO would even _consider_ forcing BTR to record as a trio after only a few days since the accident.

"A trio? As in without Carlos altogether?" Kelly asked for clarity.

"Precisely," said Griffin. He leaned back in his seat. "I like the guys. I really do. Believe me, this whole situation is making me feel worse than a cowboy without a horse."

Gustavo blinked in confusion at Griffin's analogy, but kept quiet.

"It's been eight days since the accident, correct? Carlos is still alive and this company is already trying to move on without him."

Gustavo stood so quickly from his chair that it shot backwards and rolled across the floor. "THIS IS UNBELIEVABLE," he boomed. "I am not just going to SIT HERE and let Fujizak's loser advisors, or consultants, or CEOs, or whoever the heck is doing this, do this." He twirled around to face his loyal assistant. "KELLY. Book me the next flight to Japan!"

She gaped at him for only a moment before obediently reaching for her phone.

"Actually, I don't think that will be necessary," Griffin said.

Kelly ceased punching keys on her phone.

"Like I said, these days in his old age, Fujizaki is easily persuaded. So, I've come up with a plan. Well, half of a plan."

Gustavo and Kelly stared at the screen expectantly.

"We can fight fire with fire. If we can find a way to sway Fujizaki ourselves and make him want to keep the band, we may be able to save Big Time Rush, as well as our jobs."

Gustavo sighed and plopped back down in his chair. "The boys aren't going to want to keep the band going without Carlos." He removed the tinted sunglasses from his eyes and stared directly into the camera fitted atop the TV. "And quite frankly, I don't either."

Griffin nodded. "I understand. And that is why this is going to be tricky. We'll need to convince Mr. Fujizaki to put the band on hold, and make sure he knows that there is absolutely no Big Time Rush without Carlos."

"Alright, great," Gustavo said. "So what do we do?"

"I have no idea," Griffin deadpanned.

Gustavo groaned and allowed his forehead to smack against the table. "So there's no plan!"

"Wait," said Kelly, suddenly perking up. "Why don't we ask the guys? They're amazing at thinking up plans."

Gustavo immediately picked his head off the table, knowing she was right. The dogs were their only hope. "FREIGHT TRAIN," he bellowed. The door to the conference room opened, and the large man poked his head in the room. "Get the dogs back in here. Now."

"You got it," said Freight Train. As he closed the door, a sudden notion formed in Gustavo's mind. He made a split-second decision.

"Wait."

Freight Train reentered.

Gustavo looked to Kelly, who's expression told him she was slightly confused. Sighing, he rubbed at his tired eyes. This would probably come back later to bite him in the butt.

"Just get Logan and James."


	12. Smiles and Lies

**A/N: Arrrgh, this chapter is soooo long! But I didn't want to break it up, or else it would have lost its intensity. Also, the holidays are coming up, so a new update might be a while unless I suddenly get a ton of motivation. Which reminds me, please review! It totally motivates me! So, before I make this chapter any longer with my author's note, I want to thank you all for reading! Happy holidays! :)**

* * *

Chapter 12  
Smiles and Lies

James ducked into Logan's bedroom and closed the door behind him. "The coast is clear."

Logan let out a sigh of relief. "Good." He walked over to his desk and seized a clipboard and pen before plopping down on the edge of his bed. "Let's go through this again."

"Alright," James agreed. He pulled up the desk chair and flipped it around so the chair's back was between his legs. It was time to put the plan into action.

Logan's eyes scanned over the clipboard. "Envelopes?"

"Check," said James, pointing to a box on the floor.

Logan made a checkmark with his pen. "Paper?"

"Check."

"Pens?"

"Check."

"Stamps?"

"Check."

"Addresses and phone numbers?"

"Check."

"Lying to Kendall about a plan that probably won't work anyway?"

"Che - Hey, wait a second!"

Logan tossed the clipboard aside and crossed his arms over his chest. "I don't like this," he said. "Lying is bad. Lying to each other is… the worst kind of bad. It's evil, James! That's what it is!"

James rolled his eyes at his friend's overreaction. "Dude, calm down, alright?"

"No!" cried Logan. "I will not calm down! Do you realize what's going to happen if Kendall catches us? He will never trust us again. I don't know if I want to risk that, James."

James held out his hands, wondering why Logan was making such a big deal out of the situation. "Then we'll find a way to foolproof our plan," he said casually.

Logan groaned exasperatedly and grabbed at his hair with both hands, obviously on the verge of freaking out. "And how are we supposed to do that? This is too much pressure, man, and you know I can't think under pressure!"

Keeping his nonchalant composure, James said, "Then we'll find someone who can."

"Oh, really? Like who?"

James smirked mischievously.

* * *

"So what do you need me to do?" Katie Knight asked. She sat on the end of Logan's bed while the two boys stood in front of her. Logan still looked edgy and nervous, but James was calm.

"Well," said James, "to make a long story short, our company's founder, Mr. Fujizaki, is like a billion years old and is… Uh, Logan, what was that word Griffin used?"

Logan made his famous 'you are such an idiot' face. "Senile."

"Oh, yeah. Senile. So, he has some crooked CEOs working for him, and the CEOs want us to either start recording songs as a trio, or get rid of us altogether."

Katie raised her eyebrows in shock.

James looked over at Logan, waiting for him to continue the story. But Logan only went on pacing the floor with his hands on his head, looking like a cat on a hot tin roof.

James sighed and continued his explanation to Katie. "So, Griffin came up with the idea to fight fire with fire. If the CEOs in Japan are trying to convince Fujizaki to change or get rid of our band, then _we _can try convince him to keep Big Time Rush and to put the band on hold until Carlos gets better."

Katie nodded slowly. James could practically see the gears turning in the ten-year-old's head as she pondered the state of affairs. "Okay, so how can I help?"

This time, Logan answered. He stopped moving and faced Kendall's sister. "Well, Kendall has been a little… unpredictable lately. Gustavo thinks Kendall is taking this the hardest and is the most 'touchy' on the subject, so he doesn't want Kendall to know about our plan incase it doesn't work."

James bitterly laughed, then abruptly stopped when he remembered the deal he made with Kendall. The two needed to act like friends around Logan. The last thing they needed was Logan to stop eating and sleeping again.

But to James, Gustavo's notion was ridiculous. How could Gustavo think that Kendall, of all people, was taking this whole thing the hardest? Kendall hardly talked about Carlos, never visited him in the hospital, and never even shed a tear in the eight days since the accident. Kendall was acting like he didn't care about him. So why would Kendall care if the plan worked or not?

"James," said Logan, "let's not get into that right now, okay? We need to focus on the plan."

The taller boy gave a gruff nod before freezing at the realization of Logan's words. Did Logan know? Did he figure out that James and Kendall still weren't friends?

"So, anyway," Logan said to Katie, "we need your help to distract Kendall and keep him in the apartment for a few hours while we put our plan into action."

Katie bobbed her head up and down. "Sounds doable. What's your plan?"

James shook away his thoughts about Kendall. He could worry about that later. "See those boxes by the door?" James said, gesturing. "They're full of paper and envelopes. We're going to recruit kids from the Palm Woods to write in letters and stuff to the RCM/CBT GlobalNet Sanyoid headquarters in Japan asking to put a hold on BTR until Carlos gets better."

"And we think," Logan continued, "that by doing that, Fujizaki will realize how much of an upset it will cause by cutting our division or excluding Carlos from the band, and ultimately not go through with it."

"And Griffin is extending his trip to Japan to further help out the cause," said James, feeling proud. He thought the plan sounded pretty darn good. Not to mention he had come up with the sending letters part himself. Logan only helped with the specifics, like spreading the message on social networking websites, as well as the official BTR webpage, and collecting the materials to send the letters.

"So will you help us?" Logan wondered.

Katie smirked. "Well duh. Like I'm going to let that stupid old man and his CEOs disregard Carlos because he's hurt. Or get rid of Big Time Rush."

James grinned happily.

"But we're gonna need cool codenames, a good cover story, and a megaphone," said Katie.

James and Logan snapped their fingers simultaneously. "Right!"

* * *

"Attention, attention!" Logan shouted into Katie's megaphone. "This is a special Palm Woods announcement! Please come this way. Attention! Special Palm Woods announcement!"

James struggled to carry the heavy boxes of supplies as he followed his friend. They meandered about the Palm Woods pool area, earning some confused looks from the residents.

"Please come this way for a special Palm Woods announcement!" Logan repeated, making his way towards the lobby.

James grunted, fearing he would lose his hold on the boxes. At long last, he reached the front desk and slammed the materials down with a relieved sigh. He turned around to survey the area, and smiled. Nearly the entire Palm Woods had crowded into the lobby, curious about the 'special Palm Woods announcement'.

Camille and Jo were in the front of the mob of teens, as well as the Jennifers, Guitar Dude, and Tyler.

"What's going on?" Camille asked over the buzz of confused voices.

"You'll see," said James. He took the megaphone from Logan. "Ready to give this a shot?"

Logan shrugged. "I guess."

His response was good enough for James. The brown-haired boy hoisted himself up on the check-in counter and stood looking over the crowd. He could hardly believe all the kids who had bothered to see what the announcement was.

"Hey, hey, hey!" an angry voice scolded. James whipped around, careful not to lose his balance, and saw a red-faced Mr. Bitters emerging from his office. "What do you think you're doing? Get off of my desk!"

"No, wait," said Logan. "Please, this is important."

James never knew Mr. Bitters to be a very understanding guy. But there must have been something in Logan's voice, or a look on his face, that made the man change his mind. "It better be," Bitters muttered, stepping back to see what the boys had to say.

James took a deep breath as the lobby began to quiet down. Kids began to shush one another, looking to James expectantly.

Finally, silence.

And suddenly, James wondered if Logan was right. If there was any hope of being friends with Kendall again, it would all go out the window if James opened his mouth. Kendall hated being lied to. After Freight Train dragged James and Logan back into the conference room and the plan had been conceived, the next step was to think of something to tell Kendall. James was ultimately the one to say to the blond, "We were talking about CJ and how you got so mad at him."

To which Kendall replied, "…He's not coming back, is he?"

Kendall bought it. Which meant he had no idea James and Logan were about to go behind his back and try to keep the band alive. James knew Kendall wouldn't be upset about trying to save the band; Kendall would be upset that he didn't have the chance to become involved.

Logan hit James's leg, snapping him out of his thoughts.

Now or never, James thought. He cleared his throat. "Uh, hey, everyone," he started, feeling slightly awkward. He instinctively reached up to fix his hair before straightening his t-shirt. "For those of you who don't know, I'm James." He pointed down. "And that's Logan. We're in a band called Big Time Rush -"

Annoyed groans emerged from half the gathering. The other half rolled their eyes, no doubt assuming James was just trying to advertise the band.

"Do something!" Logan cried as a few kids started to leave. Camille and Jo were the only two to stay put.

"Hey, wait a second!" James called. He raised the megaphone to his mouth. "Wait! Just hear us out!"

The kids paused, and there was once again silence.

"Thank you," said James, lowering the megaphone once again. "Look… As some of you probably know, our friend Carlos is in the hospital."

The throng of bodies froze, suddenly paying close attention.

James took a shaky breath and slowly continued. "He was in an accident… And is now in a coma." He stopped, letting the information sink in. "The accident happened eight days ago and already our record company's founder is trying to either get us to continue recording songs without Carlos, or dump the music division all together."

A few girls had their hands covered over their mouths in surprise. Several guys crossed their arms over their chests.

"So," James declared. "We need your help."

Logan took over, speaking loudly and clearly. "Mr. Fujizaki, the company founder, is a little out of his right mind in his old age, and his consultants and CEOs are succeeding in convincing him to cut our division. Since we're temporarily ceasing our recording sessions due to Carlos's absence, it's not really helping our situation."

An unfamiliar voice from the back spoke up. "So what can we do?"

James began to relax knowing the kids were at least interested. "We've come up with a plan," he said. "We need you guys to write letters, send emails, place phone calls, do anything you can to get in contact with the RCM/CBT GlobalNet Sanyoid building in Japan. Tell them how unethical they're being. Tell them you love Big Time Rush, and you love Carlos, and you want us to keep making music _only_ if Carlos is in the band."

All eyes turned to the boy who had previously spoken. "Okay, I don't mean to sound like a jerk or anything, but what if your buddy doesn't wake up?"

James had no idea how to respond. The kid made a good point. What if Carlos didn't wake up any time soon? Even if they could convince Fujiizaki to put the band on hold, how long would he wait?

"Look," Logan said, voice a little quieter. "I know this is a long shot, but we have to try it. If we don't, hundreds of people could lose their jobs. Or, we may be forced to record as a trio. Because technically we're under contract, so I don't think we can just quit the band -"

James cut him off before he complicated the situation even more. "So just… please, _please_ help us out," he begged the troop of teens. "Help everyone in our company's music division out. Help Carlos out."

He bended down and opened the flap of the large cardboard box he had been forced to carry, revealing stacks of envelopes and paper and packs of pens.

James stood beside Logan as the spectators remained silent. Some looked to one another, some stood motionless, and some looked down at their feet.

His heart sank. He was beginning to doubt that anyone would make a move.

Then, two girls stepped forward. A blonde and a brunette. They smiled, and wordlessly walked towards the box of supplies and pulled out a sheet of paper, a pen, and an envelope. And once their materials were in their hands, Camille and Jo parted their way through the people and seated themselves on the tiny loveseat. Everyone watched as they began to write.

But two letters wouldn't be enough. James held his breath as his eyes scanned over the crowd's unsure faces.

The next person to approach the box was Mr. Bitters. He didn't look up or acknowledge James or Logan in any way. He only snatched some paper and a pen and took them back to his office.

Then, surprisingly, the Jennifers came around, each giving tiny, yet genuine smiles.

Then, Guitar Dude.

Then Tyler.

Then Marcy, the girl with anger issues.

Then the kid who smelled like corn chips.

Then the cast of Teen NCSI, and the kid who referred to himself as Lil' Lee Roth.

Then more, and more, and more kids, some familiar, some not, until the entire audience was reaching for paper and pens and envelopes. The lobby of the Palm Woods was no longer silent, but alive with excited voices and a few claps and cheers.

James clapped a hand on Logan's shoulder, grinning gleefully. "This might actually work!" he exclaimed.

"I know!" Logan laughed.

James patted his friend's shoulder a second time, happy to see Logan so excited and hopeful. He could hardly believe all the kids willing to show their support for the band and for Carlos.

Still beaming, James grabbed the megaphone. "Come see me for phone numbers and emails!" he hollered. Leaving Logan at the front desk, he cut his way through the bodies, stepping over the kids who sprawled out on the floor to write their letters. James entered the pool area, where many kids had already dispersed.

He led the group of teens behind him to the far end of the pool. He reached into his back pocket and pulled out typed note cards containing addresses and phone numbers and other useful information. The kids grabbed them eagerly and passed them around to one another.

"Thank you," James said to each person who accepted a card. "Thank you so much."

He sighed contentedly as the last of the kids was handed a card and inspected the area. Kids sat on pool chairs or at the edge of the pool itself, some with pens and paper, some with cell phones pressed to their ears, and some typing away on laptops.

He ran a hand through his hair in bewilderment before he started to laugh. He wasn't even sure _why_ he was laughing; he just was. And it felt good.

But all his mirth vanished when Logan bolted out of the lobby. "Code red!" he shouted, holding up his cell phone. "James, code red! Go!"

James gasped and bolted to towards the building. It hadn't been fifteen minutes! Katie was supposed to be in the apartment distracting Kendall. How could she have failed so quickly?

James barreled past Logan and to the elevators. He skidded to a stop in front of the doors, nervously tapping his foot as he waited for Kendall to emerge.

_Ding_! The doors slowly slid open.

Kendall was about to step out, when James barged in.

"Hey, what - ?" Kendall cried as James shoved him back against the wall.

"Oh, oops! Oh no, my bad," James said as he blindly searched for the 'close door' button on the elevator.

"James, what are you - ?" Kendall tried to ask. The elevator doors shut and James took a step back.

"Sorry 'bout that," he said, trying to be as casual as possible. "So, uh, so what are you doing?"

Kendall gave James a strange look and spoke slowly. "Just… going downstairs."

"Ah. Weren't you, oh, I dunno, spending the day with Katie? Or something?"

Kendall narrowed his eyes. "What's up with you?" he asked.

"What? Nothing. Nothing's wrong with me." James turned around and hit the button for the second floor. The elevator began to ascend.

"Hey, I'm actually glad I ran into you," Kendall started.

James tensed. He didn't want Kendall to start apologizing again. Unless Kendall was agreeing to go see Carlos in the hospital, James was not interested in any sort of reconciliation.

"I've been thinking about Logan lately… And you've been spending a lot of time with him these last few days. So I was wondering if you think he's feeling better."

"Why don't _you_ go ask him?"

"I was about to until you -"

James cut him off, suddenly angry. "I don't get you, Kendall. I just don't get you." The elevator arrived at the second floor and the doors opened. "You act like you're so concerned about Logan, but then you barely acknowledge the fact that Carlos could… could _die_." As hard as it was, James forced himself to say the last words. Maybe Kendall needed him to be blunt about it.

Kendall closed his eyes and took a deep breath, stepping out of the elevator and into the hall. James stayed in place.

"I'm not going to fight with you again," Kendall said, quietly. "And I just… I can't see Carlos, okay? I can't."

James was so sick of Kendall saying that. So sick of Kendall not giving a reason why. _Was_ there even a reason why? Or did he think seeing Carlos was a hassle? A waste of time?

"You've always been like the leader," James said as unexpected tears pricked in his eyes. "You've always been the one to watch out for us, and keep us together when things fall apart. You've always been the most reasonable one, the most honest and the most reliable out of all of us." James lowered his voice to nearly a whisper. "And, Kendall, you've always been the person I looked up to the most." He stared hard into Kendall's eyes, anger gone and replaced with sadness. "How come you've stopped being the leader? How come you've stopped being Kendall?"

Kendall looked like he was on the verge of tears. But James knew that was impossible. Kendall hadn't cried, and probably never would.

Looking away, James pressed the button for the lobby. The elevator doors slowly closed, leaving Kendall alone in the second floor hall, and James by himself in the elevator. He wiped furiously at his eyes, feeling a tad embarrassed.

When the doors opened again and James was greeted by the voices of the kids still talking on cell phones and writing their letters and sending emails, the sadness in his heart didn't lessen.

He pushed his way past a girl on her phone. "I'm just saying that Big Time Rush is, like, the best band ever," she said to the person on the other line.

James then passed a group of boys huddled together around a piece of paper. "I think 'immoral' has two 'm's," a kid said.

As he made his way to the pool area, his blurry eyes searched for Logan. His friend was spotted leaning over a girl's laptop, most likely rereading her email.

James waited patiently for Logan to finish. "Looks good," said Logan. "Thanks so much for doing this." He looked up when he saw James. "Oh, hey! Did you stop Kendall?"

James nodded slowly. "Yeah." He cleared his throat when his voice came out low and hoarse. "Yeah," he repeated. "He was going to talk to you or something…"

Logan's excited smile disappeared. "…You okay?"

He swallowed and turned his head to look at all the kids. All the kids working to help them. To help Carlos. But then he thought of Kendall, and his world darkened. "No," James whispered. "I don't think I am."

* * *

Logan's joyous mood was instantly gone. James's eyes were bloodshot from repressed tears, and he looked a little forlorn. Logan had to find out what was going on.

"Hey," he said, putting a comforting hand on James's shoulder. "Do you think you can handle everything down here for a while?"

James shrugged. "Sure."

Logan gave him a weak, half-smile and turned, making his way to the lobby.

"Hey, Logan," a girl said. "What should I do with my letter?"

Logan kept walking and spoke to her over his shoulder. "Put a stamp on it and toss it in the box on the front desk. We'll bring them to the post office later."

She nodded, and Logan proceeded to the stairs, which was a faster way to the second floor than the elevators.

He took them two at a time and eventually made it to apartment 2J. He didn't see Mrs. Knight or Mr. and Mrs. Garcia anywhere, but Katie was sitting on the orange couch in the living room. She stood when Logan entered.

"You couldn't have kept him up here?" said Logan.

"Sorry!" Katie said. "I tried to get him to play a game with me or watch a movie, but he wouldn't." She bit her lower lip. "He didn't find out, did he?"

"Relax," Logan told her, smirking in amusement. "No, Kendall didn't find out. But I need to talk to him."

Katie nodded towards the hall. "He's in his room."

Logan twisted around and proceeded forward, mentally going over in his mind what he wanted to say to Kendall. He took a deep breath outside the closed door, then knocked.

"Come in," said Kendall's voice.

Logan slowly turned the knob and entered. Kendall was on his bed, laying on his back and staring at the ceiling.

He looked up for only a second. "Hey."

"Hey." Logan decided not to beat around the bush. "James says you were coming downstairs to talk to me."

Kendall sighed and slowly pulled himself upward. "Yeah. I was."

There was a tiny pause between the two as Logan waited for Kendall to say something else, but he never did. "Well," said Logan, "do you want to take a walk or something?"

Kendall kept his eyes on the floor for a few seconds. Then he looked up. "Sure."

As Kendall got to his feet, Logan pulled out his cell phone and typed a quick message to Katie, asking her to help James downstairs. When Kendall and Logan entered apartment 2J's main room, Logan could hear the tiny beep from Katie's phone, signaling she had received a text message.

Kendall stepped out the front door. Logan followed, sneaking a quick glance over his shoulder to Katie, who nodded and gave him a thumbs up.

The two friends walked to the elevators in silence. Maybe taking a walk wasn't the best idea. The only way to get out of the Palm Woods was to go into the lobby, where all the kids were working on their letters or emails or placing their phone calls.

Logan gulped as the doors slid open. He grabbed Kendall's shoulders and began to guide him to the right, to the side doors of the building.

"Why are all these people in the lobby?" Kendall wondered. He attempted to shrug off Logan's hands. "What are you doing?"

"Oh, you know," said Logan, laughing nervously. "Kids today. Must be some sort of social gathering or something, hahaha." He picked up his pace.

Logan was surprised when Kendall didn't press on. The two made it out of the building with no problem, and crossed the parking lot. It was a fairly nice day. Mid-seventies, no breeze. Even so, not many people milled about. The sidewalks were pretty deserted.

Logan watched as Kendall stuffed his hands in his pockets.

"So…" Logan started, suddenly feeling awkward. "You and James are friends again, huh?" He kept his eyes on Kendall as he walked, searching his face for a reaction.

"Yeah," Kendall said, not looking up. "We are."

Logan made a 'hmm' noise under his breath. "Doesn't seem like it." The truth was, Logan had been suspicious all afternoon, especially when him and James were in the hospital and Logan received the phone call from Kendall. Logan could see the detestation in James's eyes and knew that something still wasn't right between the two. Logan wasn't sure if they had lied about making amends, or if they really had made amends and then had gotten into another fight.

Kendall didn't say anything for a long time. They walked side by side in silence, passing shops and restaurants as the Palm Woods became smaller and smaller behind them.

Finally, the blond spoke up. "Okay, so maybe we're still a little mad at each other." He stopped walking and turned towards Logan, looking serious. "But our bickering isn't going to distract us anymore. Logan, we are so sorry we didn't catch on to your exhaustion. And we are not going to let that again."

Logan shrugged and continued walking. "It's okay. There's more important things to worry about."

Kendall moved quickly to catch up to him. "Come on, man, don't even say that."

"Whatever." Logan didn't want to get on the subject of his sleeping pills or his vitamins. He was sure Kendall was telling the truth and, no matter how bad things got with James, Kendall wouldn't start ignoring Logan again. That was that. Nothing else to talk about.

"Hey…" said Kendall. "Do you think that I'm…" He trailed off.

"What?"

He licked his lips and spoke softly. "Do you think I'm a bad friend?"

"What?" Logan narrowed his eyes in confusion. "No, dude, of course not."

"Don't lie to me, okay?"

The boys rounded a corner and continued walking. Logan sighed. "I'm not lying, Kendall. Come on. Why are you suddenly thinking you're a bad friend?"

"Oh, gee, I don't know," he said sarcastically. "Maybe because I can hardly stand being around James right now?" He removed his hands from his pockets and began to make feverish hand gestures as he spoke. "I'm the one who's always kept us together. I'm the one that you guys always came to when you needed help. And now I'm allowing us to keep arguing! And now I'm just… I'm too afraid -…" He stopped.

Kendall _was_ the one Logan usually came to when he needed help. But Logan didn't decide to hide his illness because he thought Kendall wouldn't listen or care. He hid it because he didn't want anyone to worry about him.

Logan didn't want Kendall to get angry at him, but he had to press on. "So why _are_ you allowing yourself to keep fighting with James?"

They passed at least four more buildings until Kendall spoke again. "Can we talk about something else?"

"Alright, fine." Logan had more things to ask, anyway. "You said you've been the one to keep us together. Why'd you suddenly stop?"

Kendall exhaled loudly and ran a hand through his hair. "I don't know. I guess it's because Carlos isn't here."

Logan asked him to explain.

"I mean," said Kendall, "we've always promised since we were pee-wee hockey players that we would stick together. Since Carlos isn't here, I feel like we're, you know… Not sticking together. Our group is already torn apart. What difference is it going to make if me and James hate each other?"

Logan gaped at him. This was not the Kendall he knew. This Kendall sounded like he was giving up. The real Kendall would _never_ give up. Not on anything. Especially not on his friends.

Tears began to sting at his eyes, but he pushed them away, feeling like a baby. He could barely speak his next words. "So what happens when Carlos wakes up and he finds out you and James aren't friends anymore?"

Kendall didn't miss a beat. "If Carlos wakes up, then the tension between me and James should subside."

"Not if you dig a hole too deep."

Logan sensed Kendall didn't want to talk anymore, and Logan had nothing else to say. They walked back to the Palm Woods in silence. Logan just wanted to go to his room and be alone. Maybe try to piece together what was going on in Kendall's head.

Logan was so absorbed in his thoughts that he forgot about what was happening on the ground floor of the Palm Woods.

But when a girl bounced up to him, Logan was suddenly very aware of his mistake. "Hi," she said.

"Uh… hi." He whipped around to Kendall. "We should probably go back to the apartment -"

The girl cut him off. "Listen, I just want to say that this whole letter thing was a great idea."

"Oh, thanks. Come on, Kendall, let's -"

"Wait, what?" said Kendall, pushing away Logan's hands. "What letter thing?"

"Nothing. No letter thing." Logan forced a laugh, but it came out loud and obviously faked.

But Kendall faced the girl, eyes narrowed in confusion. "What letter thing?" he asked again.

"James!" Logan shouted, hoping that his friend could hear him. "Code red!"

Logan wasn't sure where James came from, but he was suddenly right by their side, practically dragging Kendall away from the dumbstruck girl and to the elevators.

"What are you doing!" cried Kendall, attempting to wriggle free of James's hold. "Let go!"

James refused to let up on his grip around Kendall's arm. Logan raced for the panel on the side of the elevators and clicked a button. The doors opened immediately, and James wrestled Kendall inside, who was still shouting in confusion and irritation.

Once in, Logan fumbled for the button with a number two on it, then repeatedly pressed the switch labeled 'door close'.

James finally let go of Kendall and took a step back. Kendall's face was red as he angrily straightened the collar of his shirt and pushed his disheveled hair out of his eyes.

"What was that about?" he demanded. "What is going on?"

As the elevator slowly rode up, Logan exchanged a glance with James. They were caught. It was either lie to Kendall again, or come clean. Logan knew what option James would chose, so he spoke up before his friend could make the decision.

"We're having kids from the Palm Woods write and call in to the RCM/CBT GlobalNet Sanyoid building in Japan."

Kendall's eyes widened. He opened his mouth, but no sound came out.

Guilt pounded through Logan, and his heartbeat sped up dramatically. He cleared his throat. "We think we can turn the tables on the CEOs and persuade Fujizaki ourselves to keep the band on hold until Carlos gets better."

Kendall said nothing. James stood like a statue.

"We didn't tell you," Logan continued uneasily, "because Gustavo thought if the plan didn't work you'd… you know, blow up again. And, I don't know… Maybe do something drastic."

Kendall finally found his words as the elevator arrived on the second floor. The doors opened, but no one moved. "So you guys went behind my back? Were you ever going to tell me about this?"

Logan looked down.

"I can't believe you guys lied to me," Kendall said, eyebrows narrowed.

"Oh, come on!" James shouted. Logan jumped. "Like you haven't lied to us!"

Kendall held his ground. "What are you -"

"I keep asking you why you won't go visit Carlos in the hospital, and you keep giving me some lame excuse. Why don't you just admit it, huh? Why don't you just admit that you don't even care about him? Come on, Kendall, say it!" He advanced, looking ready to start another fight.

The elevator doors automatically closed since no one had exited.

"Stop," said Logan.

James immediately twirled around and looked at Logan. "Uh…"

"He knows," Kendall spat.

James turned back to Kendall. "You told him?"

"Logan's not stupid! He figured it out!" Kendall cried, throwing his hands up. "And I'm not lying to you, James! I just can't see him, okay? Why can't you understand that? Why don't you get that this has nothing to do with how much I care about him?" His voice cracked, and Logan pushed between the two incase things got physical.

Kendall ignored him, focusing solely on James. "Why don't you get that I just can't go see him? Why would you think for a second that I don't care about him like I care about you guys?"

"Shut up!" screamed James. Tears rolled down his cheeks.

"Guys, seriously. Stop yelling," said Logan, calmly. He put his arms on James's shoulders, preventing him from getting closer to Kendall.

"Just shut up!" James shouted again at Kendall. "You keep telling me to understand, but how can I if you don't give me a reason? How can you expect me to believe you care about Carlos when you tell me you just don't want to go?"

"That's not lying!" Kendall exclaimed. "It's not telling you! There's a difference!"

"Then _tell _me!"

"I _can't_!"

"Well we _didn't tell you_ about our plan to keep the band going!" James growled.

"Calm down," Logan pleaded. "Please, guys, come on -"

"No," Kendall shot back. "You lied. Because when we were leaving Rocque Records today you told me that Gustavo was talking to you about CJ when really you were talking about this!"

Logan stepped away from the two and stomped his foot in frustration. He had enough. "_Shut up_!"

Kendall and James froze.

Silence.

Logan could feel their eyes on him as the anger and frustration he felt began to emerge. "I don't know if you two realized, but you _both_ lied to me. You told me you were friends again when you weren't." He ignored the stinging in his eyes. "Do you know what it's like to know that two of my best friends can't even stand to be around each other? We've never given up on each other, no matter how mad we've gotten." Logan pointed a finger at Kendall. "_You _need to stop being so stubborn." Then he turned to James. "And _you_ need to stop getting so angry." Logan pointed to his own chest and let out a tiny, unwanted sob. He lowered his voice. "And _I_ need to stop believing that everything will be okay."

Kendall and James didn't move as Logan reached over and pressed the 'door open' button on the elevator.

Without looking back, he stepped into the hall and made his way to the apartment, hoping that Kendall or James wouldn't follow him.


	13. Proof

**A/N: OH MY GOODNESS. I can't believe how many people reviewed the last chapter! You guys totally inspired me to get this done before Christmas! (Consider this your present, lol). THANK YOU SO MUCH. You have no idea how much I really appreciate it!**  
**Please note that this chapter has some violence in it. Not too graphic, but it deserves a heads-up. Ah, nothing like a violent chapter for Christmas.**  
**Also, I am now taking a short holiday break from writing. Happy holidays (again!), and enjoy chapter 13! Thanks again for reviewing!**

* * *

Chapter 13  
Proof

The next morning, Kendall woke with a groan. It seemed like he had just fallen asleep before the sun decided to peek through his window and light up his room.

He yawned and slowly pulled himself upright, feeling a little groggy. He wiped a hand over his sweaty forehead and stood, stretching his arms.

He grabbed some clothes from his closet and left his room. The apartment was deserted. James, Logan, Katie, his mom and Carlos's parents were most likely at the hospital already, leaving Kendall with the place to himself. He liked the quiet sometimes. Just not today.

Sighing, he shuffled to the bathroom. Before he hopped in the shower, he caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror. He looked horrible. His blond hair was sticking up at all angles, his skin was pale, and his eyes looked droopy.

Kendal turned his head away.

He took his time in the shower. The water was so hot that it nearly scalded him, but he didn't really notice. There were so many things on his mind, but Kendall wasn't in the mood to do any thinking. He was practically on autopilot.

After he was finished in the shower and his clothes were on and his hair was combed, he made his way to the kitchen for breakfast.

He fixed himself a bowl of cereal and sat at the kitchen counter as he ate. Surprisingly, the silence in the apartment made him edgy. Kendall kept waiting for something to happen. For a noise, for a voice, anything.

When his cereal was gone and the bowl was in the sink, some glorious sound finally filled his ears.

Mrs. Knight and Katie entered the apartment first, followed by Logan and James. The Garcias were absent; they usually came home in the evening. Kendall wasn't sure where their days were spent.

"Hi, honey," said Mrs. Knight as she set her purse on the table.

"Hey," said Kendall. He watched as Logan yawned and moved to the kitchen to retrieve an apple from the fruit bowl on the counter. Kendall made sure Logan took a bite before he looked away.

James and Katie found seats in the living room and flipped on some cartoons. Mrs. Knight was rifling through her purse. When Kendall turned his attention back to Logan, he was pouring himself a glass of milk.

Kendall sighed. After Logan discovered that Kendall and James had been hiding the fact that they were still angry with each other, Kendall feared that Logan would stop eating or stop sleeping again. Kendall had watched him carefully all evening. Logan took his vitamins, ate all his dinner and even had a before-bed snack, and Kendall was thankful.

He felt immensely guilty for screaming at James when Logan was standing beside them, and he wanted to apologize. But as far as Kendall knew, Logan hadn't said a word to either of them since yesterday afternoon. James had apparently stayed downstairs with Katie (who Kendall later found out was involved with the scheme), and took a box of letters to the post office, or something. Kendall didn't really want to be apart of their plan. Obviously he would do 'something drastic' and mess everything up.

"Oh, shoot," said Mrs. Knight, interrupting Kendall from his thoughts.

"Huh?" he asked.

His mother pulled out a long slip of paper from her purse. "I was going to stop by the grocery store on our way home." She frowned. "Can you start the laundry?"

Kendall made a face. "Do I have to?"

"Kendall."

He sighed. "Can I go to the store instead?"

She pursed her lips, thinking. There was a grocery store only a few blocks away. "Okay, sure." She handed Kendall the list. "Why don't you take Logan and James with you?"

Kendall felt his heart skip a beat. He wasn't expecting his mother to request that. But he surely couldn't say no. It would only complicate things further.

"I'll go with," volunteered Logan, who had apparently been listening from the kitchen.

Mrs. Knight began searching through her purse once more. "I have a lot of things on my list," she said, not looking up. "James? You'll walk with, won't you?"

Kendall turned to face the living room where James sat, well aware that James would also be unable to deny Mrs. Knight.

"Yeah, sure," James mumbled, getting to his feet. He proceeded to stand next to Kendall.

"Aha," said Mrs. Knight, finally locating some money. She passed her son three twenty-dollar bills. "This should be enough. Just get what's on the list."

"No problem," Kendall said.

Mrs. Knight looked grateful. "Thanks, guys." Then she pointed a finger at each of them. "Get the food and come right home, okay? I don't want a repeat on what happened the last time I let you boys go get groceries."

Kendall smirked. She was referring to several months ago. James pushed Carlos around in a cart until they plowed into a pyramid of soup cans and got kicked out of the store. Then Logan grabbed the last ham from the shelf right as an old lady was reaching for it as well. So while the lady was beating Logan with her cane and James and Carlos were trying to sneak past security to get inside, Kendall was forced to do all the grocery shopping by himself. Unfortunately, as soon as he reached the checkout counter, he realized there was a hole in his pocket. And no money.

Needless to say, Mrs. Knight wasn't too happy.

She watched carefully as Kendall folded the bills and safely tucked them away. Kendall gave his mother an assuring smile, and she finally turned away to get some laundry done.

Without even checking to see if Logan and James were behind him, Kendall pulled open the front door and stepped into the hall.

Kendall could hear Logan's and James's footsteps behind him as he took the stairs down to the lobby and exited the building. But he never turned around, not even when he made it to the sidewalk and proceeded to the grocery store. He didn't feel like talking to them. In fact, he was a little afraid. It seemed like every time Kendall opened his mouth around James, the brown-haired boy would start yelling and go on a vicious tirade about Kendall and how he had been acting. Kendall wasn't sure if he could take another scolding.

Cars flew by on the street to the right. People pushed past him on the busy sidewalks. Kendall sort of wished he was washing clothes instead.

A few minutes later, the store came into sight. Kendall pulled out the shopping list his mother had given him and carefully tore it into three parts. He turned and wordlessly handed one section to James and the other to Logan.

When the boys entered the store, they said nothing and each went their separate ways. Kendall took a right and began his search for the first item on the list: pudding.

He wasn't sure what kind of pudding his mother wanted. There were cups of pudding and pudding mixes in boxes. Chocolate, vanilla, chocolate-vanilla, pistachio, lemon, tapioca, butterscotch, and twenty other flavors. He wished she had been more specific.

Finally, he settled on cups of chocolate pudding. Everybody liked those.

Kendall took his time up and down the aisles, picking up some canned fruit and vegetables and a bag of sugar. When all the items on the list were in his hands, Kendall made his way to the front of the large store.

James and Logan were already waiting for him, both with their arms full. James looked like he had a lot of things from the frozen foods and dairy sections, and Logan's hands were full of fresh produce and beverages.

Still not saying a word, the three placed their items on the tiny conveyor belt and waited for the cashier to scan the items and ring up a total. Kendall paid the man a total of forty-nine dollars and seventy-two cents, leaving him with a lot of money left over.

The grocery bagger handed Kendall, James and Logan each a bag and wished them a good day. Kendall didn't feel like saying 'you too.'

The three walked out the automatic doors, greeted by a blast of warm air. It was beautiful outside. The sun was shining bright in the cloudless sky, and a light, fresh breeze blew by now and again.

Kendall took a deep breath as he cut through the parking lot of the store, nearly forgetting James and Logan were behind him.

A sudden, startled cry caused Kendall to whip around. He was just in time to see a rough-looking man, probably on his way to the store, knock into Logan.

"_Oof_!" gasped Logan as he fell to the ground. The grocery bags flew from his grip as he landed hard on his hands and knees. Cans of soup and other various goods rolled out and skidded across the pavement. James took an instinctive step backwards.

"Watch where you're going, kid," the man growled, not bothering to stop.

Kendall instantly felt the anger begin to boil inside of him. He immediately let the bag he was holding fall to the ground, appalled that anyone would even _think_ about hurting one his friends right in front of him. He wasn't about to let the man just walk away.

James thought Kendall didn't care about them. James thought Kendall had stopped being the leader, and stopped watching out for them. Yeah right.

"Hey!" shouted Kendall, stomping after the stranger. He failed to notice James set his bags on the ground and take hold of Logan's arm, helping him to his feet.

"What do you want?" muttered the man. He was twice Kendall's size, with bulging muscles, intimidating attire, dark hair slicked back and a scowl on his face.

Kendall wasn't afraid of him. "What's your problem?" He halted three feet in front of the guy, pointing a finger back at Logan. "I want you to go apologize to my friend."

"Kendall…" Logan warned. Kendall ignored him.

The guy laughed scornfully. "I ain't apologizing for nothing."

"Kendall," Logan said again, louder this time. "Stop. It's fine."

"No, it's not fine," Kendall growled, reaching forward and snatching hold of the stranger's collar. He opened his mouth to speak, but was cut off by a sudden punch to the jaw.

His eyes involuntarily shut and he stumbled backwards, pain radiating from his mouth. Logan shouted something else, but Kendall couldn't understand what it was.

He ran a hand quickly over his lips, feeling the blood smear away. His heart thumped fast and his muscles tensed, ready to fight.

The man smirked and held out his hands, daring Kendall to come at him. The sixteen-year-old was unfazed. He wasn't about to let someone who hurt his friend just walk away like nothing had happened.

Without a second thought, Kendall let out a wild growl and lunged forward, propelling his body at the man in hopes of wrestling him to the ground. Blind rage consumed him, fogging his mind and making his racing heart heavy.

Logan smartly kept his distance, though his cries could still be heard from behind. "Kendall, _quit it_!"

Kendall brought an arm up, preparing to strike. The man was ready for it. Before Kendall had a chance to duck out of the way, a hard jab was stuck to his stomach. All the air in his lungs rushed out in one big gasp.

Kendall's hold around the stranger weakened, and he was effortlessly pushed to the ground, sprawling out on his back. He squeezed his eyes shut and clutched his stomach, trying to catch his breath and ride out the pain.

The man positioned himself over Kendall's writhing body, seizing Kendall by the collar of his shirt. Kendall let out a choked gasp and fumbled for words. "Just tell him you're sorry -" Vicious blows to the face cut him off. Kendall dimly brought a fist up, hoping to come in contact with his attacker, but to no avail. Pain shot through his nose and his jaw as his head was whipped side to side by the man's forceful blows.

"Get off him!" Logan shrieked. "I'm calling the cops!"

The punches abruptly stopped.

Kendall slowly opened one eye, the coppery taste of blood on his tongue. He watched as the man sneered and turned, cracking his knuckles as if mentally congratulating himself on his victory.

Kendall groaned and let his head fall back to the ground. Something was dripping out of his nose and trailing off the sides of his face.

"Kendall!"

Kendall blinked, dazed. Logan was kneeling by his side. "Kendall, are you okay?"

James was in his field of vision a moment later, and the two boys each grabbed an arm, pulling Kendall to his feet. He hissed in pain. Blood gushed from his nose and split lip, and the skin around his eyes already felt puffy.

"What were you _thinking_?" Logan exclaimed, suddenly looking more angry than concerned. "I said it was fine! You don't just go picking fights with guys ten times bigger than you!" He tightened his grip on Kendall's forearm as the blond wobbled on his feet.

James backed off, not saying a word.

"He knocked you down," Kendall murmured. He lisped slightly due to his throbbing lip.

"Yeah, but he obviously wasn't someone to get tangled with!" Logan groaned loudly. "I can't believe you did that!"

Kendall turned his head to make sure the stranger was leaving. Sure enough, the jerk was walking to the entrance of the grocery store like it was just another casual day.

He brought up a hand and gingerly touched it to his nose. His fingertips came back covered in blood. "Why'd you call the cops?" Kendall wondered.

Logan frowned. "I didn't, actually. I left my phone at home. Here, give me yours."

"No."

He blinked. "What? Why?"

"Because," said Kendall, "I started it." He tottered and nearly lost his balance again, but Logan kept him steady.

"He threw the first punch," Logan pointed out.

"I grabbed him."

"It doesn't -"

"I don't care, okay?" Kendall said, a little more harshly than intended. "Don't call the cops. I'm fine."

Logan let out a growl. "You want that guy to get away with what he just did?"

"I want to not talk about this anymore."

"I cannot _believe _you!"

"You said that already."

Logan raked his free hand through his hair in exasperation. "What were you trying to prove, huh? That guy could have been some psycho killer who just got out on parole and had a knife in his pocket just waiting for someone to come up to him and -"

Kendall cut him off, feeling the first signs of a pulsing headache emerge. "Logan, you're over exaggerating."

"I am not!" Logan cried in defense, face getting red. "James, am I over exaggerating?"

Kendall once again nearly forgot that James was there. He looked to the side, where James was busy collecting the cans that had scattered across the pavement. James didn't say anything.

"Can we just go home?" Kendall murmured.

James somehow managed to carry all three grocery bags, as Logan had to lend his arms to Kendall. The injured boy leaned on his smaller friend, limping slightly as they started the walk home. Kendall expected Logan to continue lecturing him on his reckless actions, but he didn't.

Kendall's bruised cheeks flushed red. In retrospect, it was one of the stupidest things he'd ever done. But he could not have just stood there. That freak had hurt Logan.

He gritted his teeth as Logan helped him along the side walk, James leading the way. Kendall's stomach still ached from the stranger's hard punch, but he knew he deserved it.

"We gotta stop," Logan huffed a few minutes later. Guilt shot through Kendall as his friend released his secure hold, leaving Kendall to balance on his own.

James had stopped a few feet ahead, using the pause to get a better grip on the grocery bags he was forced to carry. Kendall didn't meet his eyes.

After Logan had taken a moment to catch his breath and wipe the sweat from his neck and forehead, he placed his arms around Kendall, and they trekked on.

They earned plenty of odd looks from strangers as they made their way back to the Palm Woods. A few people even stopped and asked if Kendall needed any help. Logan just replied that he was taking Kendall home and they would be fine.

Kendall could still taste blood on his lips.

Arriving back at the Palm Woods was even worse. Kendall kept his head down as Logan helped him hobble to the elevators, but many kids still voiced their concern. Kendall was just thankful that Jo wasn't around.

"My mom cannot find out about this," Kendall said as Logan briefly let go of him in the elevator. James pressed the button for the second floor with his foot, as his arms were occupied with the groceries.

Logan was nearly panting as he stretched his aching arms. "James?" he said. "Want to distract Mrs. Knight?"

Kendall was slightly surprised that Logan was agreeing to help him. He was practically stunned when James shrugged and said, "Give me thirty seconds and go in."

The elevator doors opened, and Kendall once again draped an arm around Logan's shoulders. James entered the apartment, and the countdown started.

Kendall's entire face was throbbing. His stomach felt a bit better, but there was no doubt in his mind that a migraine was in his future.

"I'm sorry," Kendall said.

Logan's grip on Kendall tightened. "It's been thirty seconds."

When the two cautiously entered the apartment, they could hear James and Mrs. Knight speaking to each other somewhere down the hall. The grocery bags were sitting on the kitchen counter.

"Let's go," Logan whispered, guiding Kendall across the kitchen. Logan paused in front of the fridge. He quickly opened the door and retrieved an icepack before making it to the safety of the bathroom.

Logan helped Kendall sit on the lid of the toilet. He handed Kendall the icepack. "Put that on your eye," he instructed.

Kendall obeyed, flinching at the coldness. "I'm sorry," he said again.

"Whatever," Logan muttered. He opened the medicine cabinet and pulled out a tiny first aid kit. Kendall watched as he skillfully twisted open a bottle of rubbing alcohol and applied some to a cotton ball. "Just don't do it again, okay?"

Kendall kept the icepack to his face as Logan took a rag in his other hand and wetted it from the sink. "Logan, if some is gonna push you around like that, I'm not going to let them get away with it."

Logan gently dabbed the wet rag under Kendall's nose, then pressed the cotton ball to the skin. Kendall hissed, and Logan withdrew his hand. "I wasn't concerned about it, so you shouldn't be." He wiped the rag over Kendall's chin and around his mouth, then held up the blood-stained cloth for Kendall to see. "I appreciate you standing up for me, but I don't appreciate having to wipe blood off your face.

Kendall sighed. "I guess I did lose my temper a bit," he admitted.

That earned a small chuckle from Logan. "No kidding."

Kendall finally removed the icepack from his eye, skin feeling numb. The smirk on Logan's face slowly faded.

Carefully, Logan took the cotton ball and pressed it to a small cut over Kendall's eyebrow. Kendall flinched and gritted his teeth. It stung.

"James didn't help me," Kendall blurted out.

Logan blinked. "Huh?"

It was too late to take back his words, so Kendall decided to elaborate. "You were screaming and trying to get that guy to stop beating on me. You got him to leave. You helped me back here. James didn't do anything." Not that Kendall really blamed him.

"He helped you stand," Logan pointed out.

Kendall was so dazed after the fight, that he hardly noticed. "He did?"

"Yeah, of course he did." Logan sighed and set the cotton ball on the edge of the sink. "Look… Things between you guys are still pretty tense. But that doesn't mean James doesn't care about you, Kendall. We're best friends. We may not always like each other, but we'll always love each other."

Kendall raised his eyebrows at Logan's words. "Wow," he said. "That was really…"

Logan laughed. "Amazing?"

"I was going to say sappy, but sure."

Kendall began to chuckle, but a sharp pain on his lip cause him to stop.

Logan noticed Kendall's distress and made another peroxide-soaked ball of cotton. Kendall clenched his fist, but Logan told him the stinging meant the peroxide was cleaning the cut. Kendall was glad he knew someone with medical knowledge.

As Logan began to use the damp rag to continue cleaning the blood from Kendall's face, Kendall thought about his friend's proposition. Was Logan right? Could Kendall love his friends, namely James, without liking them?

It didn't seem possible. You either loved someone, or you didn't. And Kendall wasn't quite sure about his feelings regarding James.

"I know what you were trying to do," Logan said softly as he reached into the kit for a bandage. "You were trying to prove that you could still be the leader."

Kendall frowned. Once again, Logan was correct. "Yeah, maybe," he murmured. "But I also wanted to protect you, you know? I couldn't protect Carlos. I wanted to make sure…" He trailed off, suddenly feeling emotional.

When Kendall looked up, Logan's eyes were glimmering. He tore off the thin paper wrappings of the Band-Aid and gingerly pressed it to Kendall's temple.

"Me and James might go see Carlos later tonight," Logan said. "You gonna come?"

Kendall felt his heart skip a beat, and his throat begin to ache. There had been so much lying lately. Kendall was upset to find out James and Logan had went behind his back to plan some scheme to save their jobs. He hated being lied to. So Logan and James probably hated it, too.

Kendall's automatic response was to say he didn't want to because he didn't see the point. But he knew he couldn't keep saying it forever. Sooner or later his reason would cause irreversible anger.

But what choice did he have?

"I-I," he stammered. "I just don't see the point, is all." A funny taste formed in his mouth. "I saw him once. You guys tell me he looks the same. And he can't hear us because he's… Because he's sleeping. So… Why…?" Kendall trailed off, biting the inside of his cheek to prevent tears from springing to his eyes.

Logan stared at him, eyebrows narrowed in concern. "You're lying," he whispered.

They held each others' gaze for what seemed like an eternity. The room was still, and nothing made a noise besides the thudding in Kendall's ears.

Someone knocked on the bathroom door. "Are you guys done conversing in the bathroom?" said Katie. "I gotta go."

Logan was the first to look away. He quickly wiped at his eyes and cleared his throat. "Yeah, just a second," he told her, hurriedly packing up the first-aid kit. He wrung out the bloody washcloth in the sink and hung it on the towel rack to dry, then disposed of the used cotton balls and bandage wrappers in the trash.

"Logan…" Kendall tried to say. But the truth was, he didn't know _what_ to say.

"Can you walk?" said Logan, still not looking up.

Kendall nodded and slowly pulled himself to his feet. When he stood, he noticed his reflection in the mirror for the second time that day. His jaw and the skin around his cheekbones was puffy and red. His nose was swollen and dotted with tiny cuts, and his bottom lip was split open.

When Logan pulled open the door and stepped out, Katie gasped. "What happened to your face?" she asked Kendall.

Kendall shuffled out of the room, checking for his mother. "Nothing. I'm fine," he said stonily. "Don't tell Mom, okay?"

Katie groaned and rolled her eyes before closing the bathroom door.

"Where's Mrs. Knight?" said Logan. Kendall hobbled to the living room where James was sitting on the couch.

"She got a call from the Garcias," James replied, looking a little nervous. "They said they wanted to talk to her. She'll be back in a couple hours."

A bolt of fear shot through Kendall, but he said nothing. He watched as Logan visibly blanched.

A cell phone rang. Everyone jumped.

"It's mine," said Kendall, reaching into his pocket. "It's Kelly."

James stood from the couch and huddled next to Kendall. "Put it on speaker."

Kendall clicked a button on the side of his phone before answering. "Hello?"

"Kendall!" Kelly nearly shouted in delight. "I have great news!" Kendall could sense the smile in her voice.

"What is it?"

"Griffin called. He said Fujizaki received hundreds of emails and phone calls regarding Carlos and the band."

Kendall, James and Logan all grinned in relief.

"That's great!" Logan exclaimed. "The message we put out online must have really spread around!"

"And the letters should arrive in a few days," added James.

Kelly giggled. "I know! I think our plan might actually work!"

Kendall continued to smile, despite the uncomfortable twinge on his lip. "I can't believe this," he said. "We have the best fans ever!"

Everyone was beaming. And for the first time in nine days, Kendall felt genuinely happy. Maybe things were finally starting to look up.


	14. The Beginning of the End

**A/N: This appropirately titled chapter marks the beginning of the end of 'Breakdown'. There is either four or five chapters left (I haven't decided). Thank you so much for all the reviews I got last chapter! Now you should all review this one :o It's a little jumpy, but I think it turned out okay. Enjoy! :D**

* * *

Chapter 14  
The Beginning of the End

"Logan? You awake?"

Logan slowly opened his eyes and yawned. He had taken his sleeping pill an hour ago and had just laid down to get some rest.

"I am now," he murmured, squinting in the dark to see James standing at his door. Logan yawned a second time and rubbed at his eyes, noting the time was eleven PM.

James scratched the back of his neck. "Sorry. Uh… Never mind, just… Sorry." He grabbed the door knob and prepared to leave.

"Wait," said Logan, suddenly becoming a bit nervous. "What is it?"

James paused, his back still facing Logan. He heaved a sigh, then turned. "Can we talk?"

"Yeah, sure," Logan said, tossing the covers off his body. He flopped over and sat on the edge of the bed. James joined him a moment later, shutting the door but not bothering to flip on the light.

Logan could immediately sense something was wrong. Through the faint moonlight that cast through the blinds of the window, Logan could see James's eyes sparkle with tears. "It's like two of our friends are gone, even though they're still here," James whispered.

Logan scooted closer to his friend and put a comforting arm around his shoulder. His heart ached with sympathy mixed with guilt. "What do you mean, James?" he asked quietly.

James sniffled and wiped at his eyes, turning his head the other way. "It's just…" he started with a sigh. "It's just that Carlos isn't here… And Kendall isn't even acting like Kendall anymore. He's not the same person, and he's…"

"And he's what?"

James's words were spoken a bit more darkly. "He's not my friend anymore."

Logan opened his mouth, then closed it, wondering how he should respond. Ever since James and Kendall's fight at Rocque Records, Logan had been waiting for Kendall to come around and admit his true reasons for not visiting Carlos at the hospital. It had to be a secret worth protecting, or else Kendall would have confessed by now. Because Logan knew that no matter what happened or how much Kendall changed, Kendall would always harbor the same love and protectiveness for his friends. But this was going too far. Kendall and James's relationship was getting worse and worse, and Logan feared soon it would become irreversible.

"I'll talk to Kendall, okay?" Logan promised, gently patting James on the back. "I'll try to fix this."

James shrugged off Logan's hand and rotated his body around, facing him in full. "Me and you both have already tried to talk to him. If Kendall isn't going to trust me enough to tell me what's wrong if anything even _is_ wrong, then I'm done trying to fix this."

Logan gaped at him, but quickly recovered. "Dude, no. We've never given up on each other -"

"Kendall is giving up on _us_," James snapped. Logan jumped at the harshness in his tone. "Now when has Kendall ever done that before? He's always the one giving us pep talks and stuff about how we need to have each others' backs, and how we need to stick together and work as a team. You see what I mean, Logan? He's changing. He's changing, and I _hate _it!" James's voice cracked and the tears sprang back into his eyes. "And if this is how Kendall's going to be now - if he's going to be the opposite of everything I thought he was - then I don't want to try to make this better. I don't want to fix this, and I don't want to be his friend anymore." He broke off with a sob, which told Logan that what James was saying wasn't true.

The boys sat in silence for a few moments as Logan waited for James to pull himself together.

Logan stared off into the darkness of his bedroom. And though James was clearly upset, his presence made Logan feel safe, though he wasn't quite sure why. Usually only Kendall could do that.

It took many minutes, but James finally had calmed down enough for Logan to feel comfortable speaking again. "Look," said Logan, keeping his voice low. "You're right. Kendall's changing. He isn't the same Kendall he was before all this happened." Logan paused and took a deep breath. "But you're not the same, either."

James whipped his head around, and Logan continued before James had a chance to argue. "Just listen to me, okay? I've never known you to get so angry, James. You just blow up and start yelling all the time and… And that's not you. You always try to talk things out when one of us fights. But that's not to say I'm the same person I was before all this. I mean, I've always gotten stressed about things, but I've never had to take those tranquilizers before."

Logan thought he saw the tiniest of smile's curve James's lip. But it was gone in an instant, and Logan wondered if it was just a trick of the shadows in the room.

"Why, then?" James asked. "Why are we all changing?"

Logan shrugged. "Because of Carlos." He sighed deeply as he felt a stab of dread in his gut. "I guess we're just kind of… lost without each other." He stopped and let the words sink in for both of them. Then he placed his hand on James's shoulder and squeezed it. "Which is why I think we need to sit down with Kendall and calmly talk about this. About all of this. And make it better again before…" His voice trailed off.

James looked back down at the floor. And moments later when his eyes met Logan's, they were free of tears. "I'll think about it." James stuck out his hand. "Thanks, man."

Logan stared at it for a long moment. He wanted to tell James that he may not have too much time to think about it. But no one knew about the conversation Logan had overheard several days ago, and he still wanted to keep it that way.

Logan grabbed James's hand and shook it, forcing a light smile.

James stood from the bed and ran a hand over his face before starting towards the door. "Get some sleep, buddy."

Logan yawned. "Shouldn't be a problem," he murmured, feeling the effects of the pill once again try to pull him into unconsciousness. "Night."

"Night," said James, slowly closing the door behind him.

Logan crawled back under his covers and was out before his head touched the pillow. Even so, his sleep was light and dreamless.

* * *

Wednesday marked day twelve since Carlos's accident. And though Logan had been taking his sleeping medication and his vitamins as the doctor had instructed, he found himself unable to get some rest.

He had been tossing and turning in his bed for hours before finally giving up and walking into the kitchen. It was just past six AM, and he was the only one up.

Yawning, Logan shuffled to the cupboard and retrieved a glass before filling it with water from the sink. He took a long drink, grateful for the cool liquid in his throat.

"Sweetheart? What are you doing up?"

He froze, forgetting that Mrs. Knight was asleep on the living room couch. Face blushing red, he stammered an apology. "Uh, s-sorry, I… I didn't mean to wake you up…"

She chuckled and sat up, stretching her arms. "It's alright. I wasn't really sleeping, anyway."

Mrs. Knight got to her feet and padded across the living room as Logan stood awkwardly in front of the sink. Mrs. Knight approached him and put her hand on his forehead. "I think you should go back to sleep," she told him. "Those pills are supposed to give you eight hours."

Logan shrugged. "I got five and a half. But I feel rested." He wasn't lying. He really did feel pretty awake.

Mrs. Knight frowned. Then she sighed. "I'm going to make some tea. Do you want me to make you some breakfast?"

Logan placed his cup in the sink as Mrs. Knight maneuvered around him to locate a teacup from the kitchen. "No, that's okay," he said. "I'll just make myself some cereal or something."

She filled her teacup with water and placed it into the microwave. "Sit down. I'll make it for you."

"It's alright, Mrs. Knight, I can -"

She cut him off. "I want to."

Logan shrugged and gave in, pulling up a chair at the kitchen counter. "Um, okay. Thanks."

Kendall's mother smiled and pulled a cereal box from a cupboard.

Logan stared at the table, listening to the hum of the microwave and the rattling of his cereal being poured into a bowl. He had nearly forgotten that mornings could be this quiet. It wasn't like twelve days ago where everyone was up and running around the apartment scrambling to get ready for the day. Everything was still now. More calm. When things were wild and loud around the house, Logan had wished for some peace and quiet. When he got it, he realized he would do anything for the craziness to return.

"After lunch the Garcias need to talk to us," Mrs. Knight said as she delivered Logan his bowl of cereal.

He looked at it for a moment before slowly turning to Kendall's mother. She didn't meet his eyes. She went through the motions of removing her heated teacup from the microwave and dipping a teabag into the water.

"What do you mean?" asked Logan. "What do they want to talk about?"

His heart pounded faster when she didn't answer. As Mrs. Knight reached for the sugar canister, the spoon in her hand slipped from her grip and clattered to the floor. She jumped.

"Mrs. Knight…" Logan said again.

She finally turned to him, taking a deep breath. "They'll tell us after lunch."

As she bended down to pick up the spoon, Logan dropped his eyes to his breakfast. His stomach told him he wouldn't be eating again for a while.

* * *

At noon, everyone convened in the living room on the long orange couch. Mr. and Mrs. Garcia stood in front of Logan, James, Mrs. Knight, Kendall and Katie.

Logan hugged his arms around his stomach, feeling as through he would vomit. He knew what was coming. And from the way it sounded, Mrs. Knight knew what was coming, too. He slowly looked to James, who was sitting beside him, and saw the confused look on the taller teen's face. James had no idea.

And Kendall. Logan leaned forward, looking towards the opposite end of the couch. Kendall sat back in the cushions, hands on his lap, sitting calmly. The bruises that formed on his face due to the fight were concealed nicely with some of James's makeup.

Another wave of nausea crashed over Logan, and he fidgeted in his seat, forcing back the bile rising in his throat. His forehead was damp with sweat and his heart thudded in his ears.

"We would like to talk with you all about a very important matter," Mrs. Garcia started. She nervously fiddled with a tissue in her hands, though her eyes were dry. Logan wondered if she had rehearsed this before.

His heartbeat was so quick that Logan feared his heart would soon leap out of his chest. He forced a deep breath, not wanting to embarrass himself by having another anxiety attack.

"It's about our son," Mr. Garcia said. His face was expressionless, but his tone was unusually soft.

From beside Logan, James shifted positions, and Mrs. Knight placed a comforting hand on his arm.

Logan held his stomach tighter.

"It's been almost two weeks since the accident," Mr. Garcia continued. "And Carlos's condition has not been improving."

"What are you saying?" Kendall said.

Logan finally took his arms off his churning stomach and covered his face with his hands, bracing himself for what was coming.

Mr. Garcia took a deep breath and pulled his wife close to his side. "Well, two weeks is a long time to be… in the situation Carlos is in right now. And we feel that our son deserves some peace…"

Logan let out a sob. He could hear the squeaking of the couch as heads turned to see who made the noise, but he ignored them. Carlos's parents continued. "We think that… Well, that it's time to… let him go."

"_What_?"

Logan looked up. The first thing he saw was the glassy look in Mr. Garcia's eyes. And as Logan turned his head, he saw Kendall standing with his fists clenched at his sides.

"Sweetheart…" Mrs. Knight said.

Kendall ignored her. "What do you mean you're letting him go?" he cried at Carlos's parents. "You're taking him off life support?"

Mr. Garcia nodded slowly. "We feel it is the right thing to do."

Kendall threw his hands up. "How could you even _consider_ doing that?" he shrieked. "What is your _problem_?"

"Kendall!" Mrs. Knight scolded.

Katie covered her ears with her hands.

"You're just going to give up on Carlos like that?" Kendall hollered, face red. "What kind of parents would just _kill_ their son?"

"Kendall that is enough!" Mrs. Knight said. She didn't yell, but her voice was more stern than Logan had ever heard before.

"_No_!" he screamed. "No, you can't do this! You can't do this to him!" He growled and kicked the coffee table so hard that it nearly tipped over. Logan jumped.

"Kendall, wait," said Mrs. Knight as he stomped out of the room. She rose to her feet and tried to follow him as the front door slammed shut. It was done with such force that a picture fell off the wall and shattered upon hitting the floor.

"Hang on," Logan said to Mrs. Knight. He forgot about his aching stomach and the tears in his eyes for a moment, unsure of where the sudden boost of bravery came from. "Let me go."

He was already passing Mrs. Knight and was on his way to the door before she could say anything. Logan yanked open the door and stepped into the hall, immediately sighting Kendall pacing the hall with his hands on his head.

Logan slowly closed the door behind him, wondering how he was going to get though to Kendall.

"Can you _believe_ this?" Kendall snarled when he noticed Logan.

Logan had never seen Kendall look so angry before. How was he supposed to tell Kendall that he agreed with the Garcias?

The truth was, Logan had been thinking hard about Carlos's situation ever since he overheard the adult's conversation a while ago. Without the ventilator machine, Carlos wasn't even alive. Logan couldn't imagine being trapped like that for years and years.

"Do you blame them?" Logan asked with a sigh.

Kendall's entire face was scarlet. "What are you talking about? How could any parents do this to their son? How could they just let Carlos die?"

The tears Logan had managed to fight away returned in full force. For so long Logan had been the timid one of the group. The one who crumbled under pressure. The one who was too afraid to do anything or stand up for himself. But this moment was different.

He had to make Kendall understand. With every ounce of passion he could possibly muster, Logan threw out his points. "_Kendall,_ he's _dying_! That machine is breathing for him! You want him to keep living like that? It's not even a life!"

"And you want us to just give up on him that easily?" Kendall snapped back. "You want us to turn our backs on him? He could get better! We take him off that ventilator and he's _dead_! Do you want that to happen?"

Tears clouded Logan's vision and ran down his cheeks in a steady stream, but he ignored them. "Kendall, just _listen _to what you're saying! You are being so selfish! You're not thinking about Carlos, you're thinking about yourself!" He briefly paused to lower his voice by taking a calming breath. "Kendall. Believe me when I say that I can hardly bear the thought of never seeing him again. But we have to think about what's best for _Carlos_, not what's best for _us_."

Kendall's expression told Logan he was considering his words. Resisting the urge to sob, Logan continued. "We all love him. Carlos was always so full of energy, and being kept alive by only a ventilator isn't what he would want, and you know it." He stepped forward, his face only inches from Kendall's. "I love him enough to let him go. Do you?"

Kendall's face twisted into a mask of hurt and anger. Though Logan had started sniffling and whimpering, he kept his eyes narrowed and fists clenched, never backing down. Kendall opened his mouth as if to say something, but stopped. His green eyes sparkled more than usual.

Finally, Kendall took a step back. He cast a long, dark glare at Logan before turning away and marching down the hall.

"Hey -" called Logan, reaching out to stop him.

Kendall whipped around so quickly that Logan staggered backwards in surprise. Kendall grabbed the collar of Logan's shirt. "Don't."

The word was uttered with such venom and hostility that Logan knew better than to disobey. Kendall released his hold with a small shove, then stalked away.

Logan stared at Kendall's back as he stomped down the hallway and to the stairwell. His brain was telling him to stay put; his heart was telling him to follow Kendall. But how could he listen to his heart when it was breaking?

Kendall had disappeared from sight for a full minute before Logan finally blinked. His heart felt like it had jumped up in his throat, and his stomach felt like it had dropped to his feet, leaving a big, gaping hole in his chest. His tears continued to fall, and he used the sleeve of his shirt to wipe at his eyes. He turned his head away from the door at the end of the corridor and pressed his back against the wall. His shoulders shook as he buried his face into his hands and sobbed.

It was the end. Carlos was going to die, Kendall was going to break away, and their friendship would all fall apart. Somehow Logan knew from the day of the accident that something like this would happen. There was always a nagging feeling in the back of his head that told him things would never be the same again. He had tried to ignore it, but now his head infuriatingly throbbed as if it were mocking him.

Logan stood stationary against the wall, body quivering. His knees began to wobble, and before he knew it he was sliding downward and landing on his bottom.

* * *

With shaking hands, James reached for the door handle. Mrs. Knight was right behind him.

He pulled open the door and saw his friend sitting with his back against the wall, crying his eyes out. Kendall was no where in sight.

Concern pounding through him, James bended down and gently touched Logan's arm.

"Logan…" he whispered softly. Logan let out a sob and wiped at his eyes and nose.

James's voice was so quiet that he wondered if Logan could hear him over the sound of Logan's own cries. "Where is Kendall?"

Logan sniffled and straightened his posture a bit. "I-I don't know. He left… and I didn't s-stop him. I-I'm sorry…"

James shook his head. "No, no, man. It's okay. It's not your fault."

Mrs. Knight stepped into the hall, a hand covering her mouth.

James grabbed Logan's arm and helped him to his feet. When Logan was up, James still didn't let go.

"James," Mrs. Knight said, her voice void of anger, "take Logan inside. Stay here incase Kendall comes back. I'll take Katie and drive around town. He couldn't have gotten far."

The brown-haired boy nodded, and with both hands firmly on his friend's shoulders, guided Logan back into the apartment.

Mrs. Garcia was slinging her purse over her shoulder with one hand, and using the other to dab at her eyes with a tissue. Mr. Garcia was stoned-faced as he slapped his helmet on his head. "We will take our rental car to help search for Kendall," he said. He waited for his wife, then took her arm, and the two walked out of the apartment. Katie, with red-rimmed eyes, followed closely behind.

Now alone in 2J, James led a still-sniffling Logan to the couch. He gave Logan a gentle push to get him to sit.

Tears were still brimming in Logan's eyes as James took a seat next to him. "I-I shouldn't have l-let him go," stammered Logan. "B-But he just… The way he looked at me… A-And the way he said -"

James interrupted him. "No, Logan, come on." He looped an arm around his friend and pulled him close. "If he wanted to go, then you were smart to let him. You know how Kendall can be." His comment was intended to lighten the mood a bit, but Logan didn't react in the way he had hoped.

Instead, Logan shamelessly pressed his forehead into James's shoulder and started to sob even harder. Empathy swelled in James's chest, and he used his other arm to wrap Logan in a brotherly embrace.

"Please don't cry," James murmured. "Come on, Logan. It'll be okay." The moment they were spoken, James realized he didn't believe his own words. But he pressed on anyway, for the sake of his friend. "We don't want Carlos to keep living like this, right? This is what's best for him. And Kendall is probably going to realize it, too. It just might be a while…" Tears began to sting James's eyes as well.

"I j-just… miss them," blubbered Logan, his voice muffled by James's shirt. "James, I m-miss them both s-so _much_…"

James's throat tightened with emotion as he recalled the late night conversation he had with Logan a couple days ago. James understood what Logan meant when he said he missed them.

Because James missed Carlos and Kendall, too. More than anything.

He used a hand to soothingly rub his friend's quivering back. He had never seen Logan so upset, and it frightened him. "Shh… C'mon, Logan…" It was painful to see Logan looking so vulnerable and afraid.

James gritted his teeth, clutching Logan tighter. Kendall should be there. The three of them should be together.

"Please don't cry. Shh… It's okay…" James's vision blurred. "Everything will be okay," he lied. "Don't cry…"

But Logan's sobs didn't seem to lessen. James didn't know how else to comfort him. Maybe Kendall would have known. Kendall always knew what to do.

Unless…

Unless Kendall _didn't_ know what to do. Maybe that was why he ran. Kendall was the leader. Maybe he thought he had to have all the answers. But even so, how could he upset Logan like that and then just walk away? How could he turn his back on his friend and leave him crying in the hallway? How could he run out and let everyone worry about him like that?

And Carlos… Didn't Kendall realize that Mr. and Mrs. Garcia's decision to end life support was probably the hardest thing they've ever done? How could he yell at them like that? How could he call them bad parents and accuse them of killing their son?

"Don't cry… Please don't cry. Come on, buddy, d-don't… cry…" James's voice faltered, and he knew there was no way he could fend off his tears any longer.

James held Logan closer and the two sobbed together, feeling utterly defeated.


	15. Thunder

**A/N: Wow! I can't believe all the feedback I got last chapter! Awesome! This chapter, which I couldn't title to save my life, is probably my new favorite. I may be in love with it. So I hope you all love it too :) Thanks for reading and reviewing! (Which you should continue to do, hehe).**

**

* * *

**

Chapter 15  
Thunder

"_You know what'll be fun?" asked Carlos._

"_Huh?" said Kendall._

"_If we jump off the tire swing and into the leaf pile!" The lone tree that had produced all the leaves on the ground had a tire swing roped on one of its thick branches. Carlos's father had put it there for him to play on last year._

"_Good idea!" Kendall exclaimed. He hustled over to the rake laying in the lawn and began to pull it across the grass. As Carlos ran back into his house to retrieve a helmet, Kendall finished replacing the leaves in a big, fluffy pile._

_The autumn air was cool and crisp. In Minnesota, October was fair game for snow, but they had been lucky this year. It was nearly Halloween, and they had yet to see one snowflake fall._

_The back door to Carlos's house slid open, and the eight-year-old stepped outside, a black helmet on his head. "I'm ready, but you can go first," he said._

"_Alright," replied Kendall. Abandoning the rake, he jogged over to the tire swing and hopped on. It was a hard climb, but he managed. Carlos maneuvered behind him and started to push._

"_Higher!" Kendall giggled. Carlos obliged, grunting as he did so. Soon Kendall was nearly touching the sky, and the pile of leaves below him looked awfully welcoming. "Okay, here I go," he said, positioning himself to launch off the swing. He counted to three in his head, then kicked his feet, sending himself flying through the air. It would have been a hard fall, but his body was thankfully cushioned by the soft foliage._

"_My turn!" Carlos cried._

_Kendall pulled himself to his feet, ready to get behind the swing to push Carlos. "No, wait," said the dark-haired boy. "I wanna go higher than you did."_

"_How're you gonna do that?" wondered Kendall, picking a leaf out of his hair._

_Carlos pointed up at the tree. "See that branch? I bet I can climb up there. Then you can push the tire up to me and I can catch it and swing down."_

"_That sounds kinda dangerous," Kendall told him._

_Carlos rolled his eyes. "You sound like Logan." He slapped his head. "I'll be fine 'cause I have my helmet."_

_Kendall couldn't argue with that logic. He watched as his friend skillfully scaled the tree trunk. Kendall stood directly under him, ready to catch Carlos incase he slipped and fell. But Carlos climbed to the branch that supported the tire swing with ease. He stretched his arm out as far as he could, just barely managing to get a hold of the neighboring limb. He swung his body over._

_Unfortunately, he lost his grip. Kendall gasped as he watched his helmet-wearing friend dangle from the tree branch by only one arm. "I got you!" Kendall called from underneath him. "Let go."_

"_No way," Carlos mumbled. He was small, but he was strong. He lifted his other arm to grab the branch, then did a pull up. When his body was safely resting on the desired limb, he asked Kendall to push the tire swing up to him._

"_Be careful," Kendall warned, heaving the swing as hard as he could. Carlos leaned forward to grab the top of the rope, then reeled the heavy swing towards him._

_He laughed excitedly. "Okay, here I -" He suddenly screamed. His light-up tennis shoes slipped and he lost his balance. Carlos toppled out of the tree, body bouncing against the tire swing before it threw him off and he landed on the hard grass, missing the leaf pile by a mile._

"_Carlos!" cried Kendall, hurrying over to his friend whom he'd failed to catch. "Are you okay?"_

_The boy on the ground groaned, attempting to lift his head. Kendall put his arms underneath him and yanked. Carlos wavered on his feet, eyes darting all over the place._

"_Are you okay?" Kendall repeated._

"_J-Just fine," said Carlos, collapsing to the grass for the second time. Kendall would have been more concerned if Carlos wasn't giggling uncontrollably. "Let's do it again!"_

_

* * *

_

Kendall shook his head, pushing away his memories. He looked around frantically. Where was he? How far had he walked? The busy streets he roamed were unfamiliar. The buildings, the people, the roads… He had never seen them before.

Run. He had to run.

Had to get out of there.

He began to sprint. Tennis shoes slapped the pavement, arms pumped at his sides. He had no idea where he was going. He just had to run.

People and shops whirled by. Some stopped to turn their heads, but Kendall paid them no mind. He passed a flower shop. Passed a restaurant. A park. A tree. An insurance agency. A post office. None of the landmarks rang a bell with him.

Run. Just keep running. Get away.

He bolted past a group of teens about his age. Some shouted after him. "Run, Forrest, run!" a boy jeered. The sound of the group's laughter faded away as Kendall pressed on. He heard nothing but his heart hammer in his chest and his own panting breaths. His mind was spinning so rapidly that he felt nauseous.

How long had it been since he left the Palm Woods? It had to have been at least a half hour. By now, his mom had probably called the FBI or the National Guard to search for him. The thought made Kendall feel guilty, but not guilty enough to stop.

Suddenly, a hand was placed on his shoulders. He opened his eyes. _When did I close them?_ The scene before him changed completely. One instant he was racing past a brick building and an ice cream cart, the next he was on his knees, doubled over on the sidewalk.

A woman stood over him, clearly concerned. "Hey, are you okay?"

Kendall blinked several times, disoriented. Thunder rumbled in the distance, and he became aware of the darkening sky. "'M fine," he murmured, scrambling to his feet. His head felt like it weighed a thousand pounds. The heels of his hands were scraped and his knee stung.

The woman said something else to him, but he didn't understand what. The next thing he knew, his feet were carrying him away to another unknown location.

His forehead was damp with sweat. His lungs were on fire. Blacks spots danced in his vision, and blood pounded in his brain. Even his throat felt raw from his labored breaths.

Gotta run. Gotta move.

Kendall's breathing quickened as he ran, but not just because he was worn out from sprinting. He was terrified. What had just _happened_?

To the right, a tall office building loomed over him. Kendall took a sharp turn, nearly losing his footing in the process. He slowed to a jog when he entered the dark alley between the office building and the neighboring store. The alley was deserted except for a few dumpsters and old crates.

Finally coming to a stop, Kendall grabbed his hair with both hands as he paced the ground. He began to wheeze strange, whimpering breaths that perhaps would've been considered sobs if there had been tears in his eyes. His shaky legs buckled under his own weight and he crumpled to the ground in a heap. His body suddenly felt totally void of all energy. Though no one was around to see him, his cheeks flushed red.

Kendall hugged his knees to his torso and laid on the concrete. His eyes were strangely dry despite the rising feeling of panic and dread bubbling in his chest.

From out of the blue, a voice emerged from somewhere around him.

_I love him enough to let him go. Do you?_

Kendall squeezed his eyes shut. "Go away," he mumbled. He couldn't deal with Logan right now. Couldn't deal with anyone. He needed to be alone.

_You want him to keep living like that? It's not even a life!_

"Please," Kendall begged. "Please leave me alone. I'll talk to you later, I promise. I just need to be by myself…" A certain suspicion caused him to trail off. Kendall used all his strength to pull his head off the ground and turn it around far enough to see behind him. Logan wasn't there. Kendall was alone.

Another clap of thunder.

"I'm going crazy," Kendall breathed, his wheezing continuing. Logan's voice was all in his head, yet somehow it was loud and clear enough for Kendall to believe Logan was standing right behind him.

_Okay, don't freak out,_ he told himself, eyes once again shutting tightly. He forced some deep, calming breaths and allowed himself to think.

He had ran out of the apartment because everyone wanted Carlos to die. Logan started yelling and crying, Kendall didn't know what to do, and he left.

Good. Okay. He remembered that part clearly.

But where was he?

Kendall didn't exactly know the answer to that one. The moment he left the Palm Woods, he walked aimlessly down the sidewalks of town. His mind was too occupied with other things for him to pay attention where exactly he was headed. Eventually, he began to run. For all Kendall knew, he was miles from home.

The questions he asked himself gradually pacified his breathing, so Kendall pressed on with the hardest inquiry yet: what was he going to do?

He felt completely and utterly betrayed. And what made matters worse was that he was betrayed by his own friends. How could Logan possibly support Mr. and Mrs. Garcia's decision to end Carlos's life support? Didn't Logan even care about him?

Logan's words scrolled through Kendall's mind once more. _I love him enough to let him go. Do you? _

Kendall held his knees closer to his chest. Of course he loved Carlos, as he did James and Logan. It was just _hard _to love them sometimes. Like Logan had said a few days before, "We're best friends. We may not always like each other, but we'll always love each other." Kendall knew he was sure having a hard time liking James at the moment, and now Logan, after the confrontation that happened thirty minutes ago. But he still loved them.

He was immensely confused. Kendall loved them all - namely Carlos - but did he love Carlos enough to let him go? Logan claimed he could. Kendall, however, was a little skeptical. If a person loved someone, they weren't supposed to let them go. The person would fight to keep their loved one alive and well.

A more frightening realization dawned on him: Carlos _wasn't _alive and well.

More thunder boomed overhead, causing Kendall to jump. A tiny raindrop landed on his cheek. Kendall slowly reached up and pressed a finger to the cold droplet on his face. He closed his eyes.

* * *

"_Hey, ref, stop the clock!" Kendall shouted. His blades soared over the ice and skidded to a halt in front of Carlos. James was already kneeling beside him, his hockey stick laying forgotten somewhere on the other side of the rink._

_A whistle blew, signaling a pause in the game._

_The coach treaded onto the ice, pushing his way past other teammates circling the three boys to get a look. As the coach got to his knees on the ice, a fourth boy parted through the throng of bodies._

"_What happened?" asked Logan. He had been playing defense, and working up a sweat. Their opponents were bigger, faster, more strategic, and they played rough. Plus they were winning, four to zero._

"_That jerk checked Carlos into the boards," replied Kendall. "Charged him. Went down hard."_

"_Again?" Logan turned his head to get a look at the offending player. Number thirty-three. Tall, thick muscles, cocky, and standing next to his coach, who had a hand on the player's shoulder and was smirking. Logan scowled._

"_Garcia, you okay?" the coach asked the boy on the ground._

_Carlos let out a low groan, his eyes closed._

_James carefully unclipped Carlos's helmet and removed it from his head. He placed it on the ice next to him, examining Carlos's sweat-matted hair for any sign of blood._

_Coach waved his hand in the air and a medic raced out onto the ice. "Make some room," he ordered, shoving aside Logan and Kendall._

_The medic asked Carlos what hurt. But Carlos ignored him, telling James to help him up. "I can still play…"_

_James didn't argue, and with Kendall's help, the two each grabbed an arm and pulled Carlos gracelessly to his feet. He stumbled once, nearly losing his balance on his skates._

"_I want you out for the rest of the period," said Coach, giving Carlos's shoulder an affectionate pat. "You played good, Garcia."_

"_I can still play," Carlos insisted. He gazed around blearily. "Wh…Where's my stick?"_

_Kendall pointed over his shoulder. "Half is over there. The other half is in your hand."_

_Carlos looked down. "Oh."_

_The medic took over James's hold on Carlos, and the coach took Kendall's. A few teammates clapped as Carlos was hauled off the ice. Some raised their sticks in the air and whooped._

_When the other half of Carlos's hockey stick was cleared from the ice, the players reassembled into formation. Kendall played center-forward, James right-wing. Logan was somewhere behind, playing defense with another teammate. Another boy took Carlos's place as left-wing, and it made Kendall nervous because the boy was even smaller than Carlos was._

_Kendall glared at the kid facing off in front of him. Number thirty three: Mackowitz. Needless to say, the fourteen-year-old was angry. Mackowitz had nearly knocked Carlos out and didn't even apologize or offer to help him up. And it wasn't the first time. He had been playing dirty the entire game._

_The grip Kendall held around his hockey stick tightened, and the referee placed the tiny black disk in the middle of the face-off circle. The ref stepped back, but Kendall hardly noticed. His gaze was solely fixed Mackowitz, who had one side of his mouth curled in a patronizing smirk. Kendall gritted his teeth, itching to wipe the look off his face._

_The whistle blew. Kendall quickly jabbed his stick forward, coming in contact with the puck and handing it off to James. He hesitated and held Mackowitz's dark stare as James took the puck and glided forward. Mackowitz had let Kendall get the puck. He hadn't moved an inch._

_Kendall skated past him, deciding to ignore the player for the moment, ready to accept a pass. A player from the opposing team lunged at James, but James managed to smack the puck away just in time. It slid like a bullet across the ice, successfully reaching their left-wing player._

_Kendall moved quick. "Pass back!" he yelled._

_His teammate brought his stick back, trusting Kendall was safely open. He was. The puck slapped against the blade of his hockey stick, and Kendall pressed forward, bee-lining for the goal._

_But he knew he couldn't make it. Number twenty-four was closing in on him, and from what Kendall had observed, the kid was good. Kendall glanced quickly to his side and shot the puck back to James._

_James skated forward to reach the puck that sailed a couple feet in front of him. Kendall began gliding past number twenty-four, secure in mind that James had the situation under control for at least a few seconds._

_A loud thud caused him to whip his helmet-clad head around just in time to see Mackowitz slam his body into James, who was caught completely off guard by the blindsided attack. James's stick flew from his hands, clattering to the ice and sliding away. Mackowitz snatched the puck and began to take it towards the opposite goal._

_Kendall watched as James crumpled to the ground, one hand racing up to his face. Tiny drops of blood splattered onto the Plexiglas walls._

_He turned his attention to the ref, ignoring where the hockey puck was headed for now. Logan and the other defense player would handle it. _

"_Penalty! Come on!" Kendall shouted angrily, raising his stick in the air. "He checked him from behind! Way to call it, ref!" _

_A whistle blew. At least someone realized James was writhing in pain._

_Kendall skated over, dropping to his knees and sliding the last few feet to reach his friend. "James, you okay?"_

_When James pushed his helmet off his head, Kendall knew it was serious business. James only removed his helmet at the end of the game when he was safely in the locker room and no one could see his 'helmet hair'._

_Two twin trails of blood dripped out of his nose and poured into his mouth. James spat to the ice, his saliva pink. "Ow," he muttered. "Please tell me my nose isn't broken…"_

_Coach was over a second later, cursing under his breath. "Refs are favoring the other side, I tell 'ya. Linesmen even called it," he grumbled. "Alright, Diamond, what'd that kid do to you?"_

"_Just give me a towel or something," said James, wincing in pain. "I'm not going to let this guy beat us."_

_Kendall patted his shoulder. From the far side of the rink, Logan called out, "James, you okay?" _

_James gave him a thumbs up, though despite the encouraging gesture, he grimaced as he struggled to stand. He hissed in pain, a hand racing to cradle his elbow._

_The coach fished in his back pocket for a square of cloth. James accepted it with his right hand and pressed it gingerly to his nose. Coach took a hold of James's left arm. "Try to bend it for me."_

_James took a breath and set his jaw. He managed form a right angle with his arm, just barely._

_Kendall glowered across the rink at number thirty three._

"_I want to play," James said to the coach. "I'll be fine."_

_Coach bit his lip and shook his head. "Sorry, Diamond. Go tell Johnson he's in. You sit out for a while."_

"_But -"_

"_Don't argue. Go."_

_James slowly skated back to the players' bench, where Carlos - who held an icepack to his temple - and other teammates held out hands for him to slap as he walked past and found a seat._

_Kendall kept his eyes locked on Mackowitz as he glided back into a starting position. What was his problem?_

_Contrary to the cool air of the rink, Kendall could feel the hot anger begin to swelter inside of him. His cheeks were burning both with rage and exhaustion from chasing the puck around the ice. Sweat beaded his forehead not only from exerting himself, but from fighting the urge to sock Mackowitz in the mouth. Kendall was captain of the hockey team, and the leader of his group of friends. And _no one _messed with his friends. _

_It was his duty to protect them. To keep them safe. They were suffering enough being out on the ice and getting relentlessly pulverized by Mackowitz. Kendall knew starting a fight was wrong. But the way Kendall saw it, it was either start a fight or let someone else get hurt._

_Kendall gritted his teeth, seething. Upon passing Mackowitz to take his place at the face-off, Kendall overheard him speaking to another teammate. "Another one down," Mackowitz said proudly, giving his buddy a high-five._

_Kendall cried out, grabbing Mackowitz by his shoulders and shoving him to the ground before throwing his own body on top of him. Kendall was smaller than him, but surprising Mackowitz gave Kendall an advantage._

_Mackowitz's friend shouted, clutching a fistful of Kendall's jersey and attempting to pry him off. Kendall held on, bringing an arm back to take a swing at the boy pinned beneath him._

_A strong hand seized his fist. The moment Kendall turned his head to see who it was, he was knocked backwards, pain shooting through his right eye. He landed on the ice, hard. He blindly stuck out one foot, feeling someone's skate catch on his. Soon, more and more players were hitting and shoving him, and he hit and shoved right back, fighting for his friends. Fighting for his team._

_

* * *

_

The rain fell down in torrents, soaking through his clothes in a matter of seconds. Kendall shivered, sitting now in an upright position with his back pressed firmly against the brick building behind him. He made no attempt to shield himself from the chilly downpour. It drenched him head to toe, trailing into his eyes and mouth and most probably ruining his shoes. But he didn't care.

He would eventually have to go back. Though he wanted to, he couldn't sit there all day and sulk in the rain.

Kendall counted to three in his head, readying himself to stand. Soon he passed twenty, and still didn't move. His teeth began to chatter from the cold, staring at the raindrops that pounded the pavement in front of him.

Carlos would die. He wasn't going to just pick himself up and walk it off like he always used to, and Kendall would have to deal with it. He couldn't protect Carlos from this. Maybe he could have the day this all happened. Maybe Kendall could have convinced Carlos not to climb the scaffolding in the construction site. But that was all in the past. He had to think of the present. Of the future.

Dead. Carlos was going to…

_Die_.

That was the truth. The inevitable. The unavoidable.

And maybe, in some sick sort of way, Kendall still _could _protect Carlos. Maybe by allowing Carlos's life support to end, Kendall would be letting his friend go to a place free of pain and a place where he could be happy. Maybe letting Carlos die was the only way to let him live on.

Kendall didn't know the rain could fall any harder. But it did.

His chest tightened and his throat ached, and he desperately wanted to curl in a ball and just cry. But his tears wouldn't come. For the first time in twelve days, Kendall finally told himself that crying was okay. He was alone, and it was raining. No one would notice.

But still, his tears refused to even form at all.

Kendall sighed and pressed the heel of his palms to his face.

Losing Carlos was unpreventable. But losing James and Logan was not.

He suddenly bolted to his feet, feeling momentarily lightheaded as a wave of realization coursed through his body. Kendall blinked, back still pressed against the wall. His heartbeat quickened like it had done when he was running, and he started panting again. What had he done?

Kendall twirled around, gasping, and sprinted down the puddle laden alley, his sopping shoes splashing more water on his already soaked jeans. He had to get home. Had to find his friends. Had to tell them everything.

And this time, he would tell the truth.

* * *

_Logan had his face pressed into his pillow, sobbing. Kendall wasn't quite sure what to do, so he sat beside Logan and awkwardly patted his back as James was downstairs trying to locate a box of tissues._

"_Why is he crying?" wondered six-year-old Carlos, who had tears in his own eyes. Carlos always cried when someone else did, even though half the time he had no idea what he was supposed to be upset about._

_Kendall shrugged. "I dunno." Then he spoke to Logan. "Please don't cry no more, Logan. It's okay."_

"_No it's not," Logan blubbered, voice muffled by his pillow._

_James appeared at the doorway a moment later, a roll of toilet paper trailing behind him. "Here!" he exclaimed. "I couldn't find a Kleenex, but I got some toilet paper. That should work, right?"_

_Logan slowly sat up and broke off a square of tissue from James's outstretched hand. He blew his nose and wiped at his eyes._

"_What's the matter?" Kendall asked. "Is someone being mean to you?"_

"_Did you get hurt?" wondered Carlos._

"_Did you get in trouble?" James said, plopping down on the bed next to his three friends._

_Logan shook his head. "I got bad news," he sniveled._

_Kendall still had his hand on Logan's shoulder. "What?"_

_Logan started to cry again, and Carlos suddenly burst into tears as well, leaning forward and wrapping his tiny arms around Logan's waist. "Why are we crying?" he sobbed._

_James held up more toilet paper which Logan accepted gladly. "M-My daddy says we might hafta move away," he admitted, tears rolling down his face._

_Kendall gaped at him. "But you can't do that!" He threw his hands in the air in frustration. "Tell your daddy you like it right here."_

_Carlos finally let go of Logan and reached for some toilet paper as well. "Why would he wanna move you away? Don't he like us or something?"_

"_Or don't he like living in Minnesota?" James asked._

_Logan shrugged. "Some man wants to give him a job with a lot of money."_

_Kendall reached into his pants pocket. "I got a quarter and a dime and this sticky thing I found under my bed this morning. If I give this to your daddy will it be enough for you to stay?"_

"_Probly not," said Logan, sniffling._

_James and Carlos each sorted through their pockets as well. James pulled out some lint and a comb. "Oh, wait, not my lucky comb," he said. He began to put it back into his pocket, then stopped. "Actually, you can have it. I can find a new one."_

"_I got a rock, and a battery that my mom told me to throw away but I didn't, and part of a Cheese Puff, and a little piece of rubber that I picked off my shoe." Carlos tossed his items on the bed. "Is this enough?"_

"_I don't think so," murmured Logan._

_Then Carlos started to cry again, and he latched onto Logan for a second time._

_Kendall pondered hard, refusing to believe that one of his best friends would move away forever. "Well, did your daddy say that you for sure were going to move away?"_

_Logan looked up. "He said we might."_

_Kendall brightened. "Well that's okay then!" he said with a smile. "'Might' don't mean 'yes'. I bet you'll end up staying right here."_

"_Really?" Logan wiped a hand across his nose. "Do you think so?"_

"_Yeah," Kendall assured. "Besides, even if you do move away, it's okay because we'll still be bestest friends."_

"_Yeah!" James chimed in._

_Still holding Logan for dear life, Carlos nodded vigorously._

_Logan rubbed his eyes. "Even if it's really far away?"_

"_Yup," said Kendall. "And we can come visit you and call you on the telephone and write you letters and we can still have fun."_

_Logan finally cracked a smile, gently prying Carlos off of him._

"_Can I be done crying now?" Carlos asked, wiping his cheeks clean of tears with more toilet paper._

"_Yeah, you can," Logan told him. He looked at his blond friend. "Thanks, Kendall. You always know what to say to make me happy again."_

_

* * *

_

The buildings and streets were once again unfamiliar as Kendall tore down the sidewalks of town. He huffed hard, running with long strides. Less people crowed his path due to the rain, but the ones that did carried umbrellas in their hands or sported raincoats.

His right foot sank into a deep puddle, and he slipped, landing flat on his back in the chilly water. "Oof!"

"Woah," a random man in front of him said. "You okay, buddy?" He stuck out a hand, offering to help Kendall up.

Dirt and chunks of mud flecked his cheeks as Kendall scrambled to his feet, ignoring and pushing his way past the stranger. He proceeded to fly down the sidewalk, gritting his teeth at the dull ache in his ankle. His shirt and jeans, already drenched, were now stained brown from the murky water.

He had to get home. Had to find Logan and James and tell them everything, before it was too late.

They looked up to him, and Kendall knew that. By pretending to be unafraid and unconcerned about Carlos's situation, Kendall figured his friends wouldn't feel so afraid either. That's why Kendall couldn't admit to them that he was terrified. James and Logan would have fallen apart. Kendall always had the answers and always knew what to do, and he couldn't let them know that this time he didn't.

Until now, that is.

He screwed up. Big time. He had failed to realize that he was making things worse by hiding his emotions. Not just for James and Logan, but for himself. Heck, he was running around LA in the rain after leaving Logan sobbing in the hallway. And for all Kendall knew he had emotionally traumatized himself from repressing his feelings for so long.

He had to tell his friends everything. He needed to be straightforward and honest and admit his mistakes and tell them that he cared about them. Like a good leader should.

An impossibly loud screeching noise shook Kendall out of his thoughts, and he skidded to a halt. He let out a gasp, freezing in fear where he stood.

A horn honked, and Kendall realized that a car had slammed on its breaks, missing him by inches.

His green eyes opened wide, and he instinctively took several steps backwards. The car honked its horn again before the driver rolled down his window and told Kendall to get out of the way.

Breathing harder than before, he twirled around and found the sidewalk, ignoring strange looks from passers-by. His mind clouded over yet again, this time with thoughts of him being nailed by a car and unable to tell Logan and James how sorry he was.

Kendall looked up, squinting through the rain that poured into his eyes. A tall building stood across the street: the Palm Woods. Thankful he had been sprinting in the right direction, Kendall raced forward, reciting in his mind what he would say to his friends. Any other sixteen-year-old boy would be appalled by the thought of telling his friends that he loved them, but Kendall would say it anyway. He needed to tell them _everything._

Leg muscles burning, Kendall reached the doors to the Palm Woods in no time. Praying he didn't run into anyone he knew, he ducked through the lobby and yanked open the door to the stairwell. His shoes squeaked and sloshed on the stairs, and water dripped from his hair and clothes and formed a trail behind him. Several times he slipped, reaching out to the rail to steady himself. But he didn't stop.

Practically gasping for breath, Kendall marched down the hall to apartment 2J. Ceasing to hesitate, he flung open the door. Eyes darted back and fourth as he scanned the interior of the apartment.

Logan and James instantly stood from the couch, and Kendall sighed with relief.

"Dude!" exclaimed Logan as he immediately stomped towards Kendall. His eyes were bloodshot and his hair jutted up in all places. "Where were you? We've been calling you and -" Kendall cut him off by throwing his arms around Logan's shoulders and pulling him in for a tight hug. Kendall squeezed his eyes shut and exhaled as his heartbeat proceeded to regain a normal pace.

He gripped Logan tighter. Right as Logan was about to relax into Kendall's hold, the blond pulled away. Without a word, he hurried towards James, who was still standing in front of the couch.

Kendall seized him by the shoulders and pulled him forward, holding him close. James's body stiffened and he kept his arms at his sides.

When Kendall finally released him, he looked down at James's clothes and offered him an apologetic look for getting them wet with rain. Then Kendall turned to Logan, back to James, and to Logan again, making sure they knew that he was speaking to both of them. "We need to talk."

* * *

"_We gotta promise," said five-year-old Kendall, "that no matter what happens, we'll be best friends forever."_

_Logan cocked his head to the side. "But what if something bad happens?"_

"_Like what?" asked Kendall._

"_Like what if we get really mad at each other?" said James._

_Carlos raised his hand. "Or, um, what if one of us dies?"_

_Kendall shook his head, his expression serious. "No matter what."_

_The other three boys looked to each other, exchanging glances. Carlos's face was the first to break into a grin, and he stuck his hand out. Beaming as well, Logan and James put their hands on his, followed by Kendall._

"_Best friends," said Logan, liking the sound of it._

"_Forever and ever," James added._

"_No matter what!" Carlos happily exclaimed, bouncing slightly on his heels._

_Kendall smiled, feeling more blissful than ever before. "No matter what."_


	16. Heart and Soul

**A/N: THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THE REVIEWS! I love you guys :) You're so nice to me.**  
**Here is chapter 16. I can't believe how fast I wrote it. There is only three chapters left after this one. Thanks again for all the feedback. I am in shock. In a good way. :) All you readers and reviewers are so awesome and keep me motivated.**  
**Alright, enough author's note adding extra word count. Here's the chapter many of you have been waiting for. (Even _I_ was waiting for it. Kendall was making me mad).**

* * *

Chapter 16  
Heart and Soul

Kendall frantically paced the living room floor. "I have to let you guys know something. I have so many things I need to tell you, I -"

Logan held up his hands. "Kendall, calm down. You need to go change."

A change of clothes was the last thing on Kendall's mind. His wet shoes squeaked as he failed to stop moving back and fourth. "No, I'm fine. Listen, you guys need to sit down because I really need to talk to you -"

Logan cut him off yet again, speaking evenly. "Yes, I get it. We'll talk in a minute. Right now you're soaking wet and you need to change into something dry."

"Logan!" Kendall groaned. "This is important! I _have_ to talk to you guys!"

Logan finally raised his voice. "Kendall, when you are out in the cold weather it weakens your body's immune system which makes you more susceptible to catching an illness. Now go change unless you want to get sick!" He stuck out a hand and pointed down the hall.

Kendall knew he couldn't argue with Logan. Logan could be like an over-protective mother sometimes.

Rolling his eyes, Kendall hurried out of the room and barreled down the hall. He didn't bother to close his bedroom door, he just peeled his shirt off his body and flung it over his shoulder. It sounded heavy when it landed. He rifled through his dresser drawer and grabbed the first top he found. He flipped his shoes off against the wall, then wiggled his way into some dry underwear, pants and socks.

Not bothering to do anything with his dripping hair, Kendall flew out of his bedroom and reentered the living room. Logan had his cell phone pressed to his ear, whereas James had his arms crossed over his chest and stood silently, eyes focused on the floor.

"Who are you calling?" asked Kendall.

Logan covered his hand over the receiver. "I'm letting your mom know that you're okay."

Guilt surged through Kendall as he explained to Logan that they needed to talk alone, and that Kendall would apologize to his mother and to Carlos's parents as soon as they were finished.

Logan looked hesitant, but he eventually relayed the message to Mrs. Knight. He slapped his phone shut, and Kendall grabbed him by the shoulders. "We need to talk."

The dark-haired boy stared at Kendall for a moment, then nodded.

Kendall walked towards the couch and gestured for Logan to sit. Kendall placed both hands on his head and began to slowly turn in a circle as he forced himself to relax and take some deep breaths.

"James," said Logan.

The taller boy slowly, almost begrudgingly, lowered himself onto the cushion beside Logan. He refused to meet Kendall's eyes.

"Okay, look," said Kendall when both his friends were seated in front of him. As he tried to continue, his mouth felt dry. It was hard to apologize with such genuineness, probably because Kendall had never really done so in the past. Never before in his life had he messed things up so badly that he needed to pour out his heart and soul to make things right again.

"I'm sorry," Kendall said. Maybe bluntness was the best way to go. "I'm sorry I ran out like I did. And I'm sorry I yelled at Mr. and Mrs. Garcia, and, Logan, I'm sorry I left you alone."

Logan uneasily shifted positions in his seat, but James remained still. His eyes were downcast, feet flat on the floor and arms still crossed. He didn't move a muscle.

"I know I haven't been acting like myself lately," Kendall continued. "And I know I've been a bad friend… And… I-I…" His throat began to swell shut.

"We're still friends," Logan said softly. "You can tell us anything."

Kendall looked him dead in the eye, voice barely coming out as a whisper. "You have no idea how much I need that to be true."

"It's always been true," Logan assured.

Kendall sneaked a glance at James before looking down at the floor and awkwardly rubbing the back of his neck. He took a long pause, pulling himself together and preparing himself for the words about to come. "Okay." He shifted his weight to one side, then licked his lips. "I thought I needed to be… strong. And if I wasn't, then you guys would…" He trailed off.

Logan and James said nothing.

"Okay, the truth is," Kendal said with a sigh, "when I first saw Carlos in the hospital… I was scared. Terrified, actually. But I thought that if I didn't show it, then you guys wouldn't be afraid."

Kendall didn't miss the look on Logan's face. His mouth opened a tiny bit and his eyebrows flew up, though at the same time crinkled together in understanding. At least, that's what Kendall hoped it was.

But James. James just sat still, not moving, not speaking. Though his eyes were shining a little brighter than normal.

Kendall's stomach did a flip-flop. He recalled the day he tried to apologize to James in the restroom at the clinic after Logan fainted. James didn't forgive him. Kendall wasn't sure if James would suddenly change his mind, but he knew he had to try.

"But that's how it's always been, right?" Kendall continued, voice raising slightly. "I've always been the one that you guys looked up to. I've always been the one with all the answers and I've always been the one to keep us all under control. But… But _I _wasn't even under control, you know? And I still tried to be. For your sake."

"Kendall…" Logan breathed.

The tears Kendall wanted to let fall only twenty minutes ago while he was sitting in the rain began to make their presence known. But he had changed his mind. He was admitting to his friends that he was scared, but he could still hold off on crying.

He raked a hand through his damp hair and took a deep breath. "This whole time I was trying to be strong for you guys. But somewhere along the line, I messed up. And I was too stupid to realize that I was hurting you more than I was helping you." Kendall pointed to James, though James didn't look up. "James, I don't want you to think I don't care about Carlos, okay? I do care about him. I do…"

_Don't cry_, Kendall warned himself. He pressed on. "I'm just… I'm too afraid to go see him again," Kendall whispered.

He waited. Nobody spoke.

Kendall could see James's eyes shine with unshed tears, and his heartbeat quickened. Were they tears of forgiveness? Or of anger? Sadness? _Hate_?

"That day… The day we finally got to see Carlos, I walked into the room, and I couldn't even… I couldn't even go up to him." Kendall clenched his fists to fight off his own tears. His cheeks burned in shame. "He just looked so… So _broken_. His skin was all puffy and swollen, and his bandages were all bloody… And then there's that tube sticking down his throat…"

Kendall stopped. Closed his eyes. Willed his tears away. Continued. "How was I supposed to go back out there and tell you guys that I was scared out of my mind? What would you have done? How would you have felt if I told you how afraid I was?"

He ceased speaking, looking to Logan for a response since he knew he wouldn't get one from James.

Logan wiped his misty eyes. "Everyone was scared, Kendall," he said, slowly. "I think that's why James thought you just didn't care about Carlos. You were acting so unafraid when you were supposed to be scared like us. Besides, just because you're like, the leader of our group doesn't mean you have to be fearless. Right, James?"

James remained still.

"I know," said Kendall. He cleared his throat. "I mean, I know that now." He wished James would stop looking like a statue and say something. Kendall sucked in a mouthful of air. "I'm sorry that this whole time I've been hurting you guys. I didn't mean to. I'm sorry I didn't realize sooner that I can tell you guys anything."

Logan smiled.

"And, Logan, I'm sorry I yelled at you and said all those things. The truth is, you're right. Carlos's parents are doing the right thing." Kendall's heart fluttered nervously in his chest. He shivered, though it may have been because of the chilliness he still felt even with dry clothes on. He lowered his voice to a whisper yet again. "I know you guys might still be a little mad… But… I'm about to lose one friend." He shifted his gaze to James. "I can't lose another."

James didn't look at him.

Kendall sighed, feeling his cheeks grow hotter as he prepared for his next words. But they needed to be spoken. His friends needed to hear them. "I know over the past couple weeks it may not have seemed like it, but… I love you guys. I really do. You're my best friends, and you always will be, no matter what happens." Kendall's voice cracked and he barely managed to squeak his next sentence. "…You guys know that, right?"

Logan nodded. James still didn't move.

Kendall resisted the urge to put a hand over his chest as he felt his heart break. Remorse washed over him like a tidal wave. Maybe Logan's notion about friends always loving each other without having to like each other wasn't true. Maybe somehow, Kendall had given James the impression that he didn't love him, and James believed it.

What had he _done_?

Kendall's nose began to run and his hands began to tremble. It was a sensation of crying, except there was one thing missing: tears.

"James," Kendall breathed. He ran both hands through his hair in bewilderment, suddenly feeling panicked. "James, _please_ believe me. I…" He stopped. What was he supposed to say? How could he possibly fix this and make it better?

Kendall had failed. He had waited too long to tell his friends the truth, and now the damage he had caused was unalterable.

"James, please, I -…" Kendall started, desperate to say something, _anything,_ to get his best friend back. Apprehensive gasps and sentence fragments spewed out of his mouth, but he was unable to form anything applicable. "I-I don't know -… I don't know what else to say…"

Suddenly, James sprang to his feet. In two long strides he was in front of Kendall, cheeks red and fists clenched tightly at his sides.

Kendall gasped and flinched, but refused to back away. He stared into James's shiny, unblinking eyes, wondering how much liquid could form in them before the tears spilled over. James's statue-like appearance was gone completely and replaced by the look of someone about to get himself arrested for assault and battery.

Kendall tensed, expecting to be punched. But he deserved it. He wouldn't hold it against James if he took a swing. In fact, a part of Kendall welcomed a blow to the jaw. Maybe it would knock some more sense into him.

"So that's it, then?" James asked. His voice cracked like it did during the first stages of puberty. "You lied to us. Being scared is the most sorry excuse I've ever heard! We don't need you to look out for us like that, Kendall. We're not kids anymore, okay? If you would have just _told_ us you were afraid, we could have helped you! And now you scream at Mr. and Mrs. Garcia that they're bad parents for doing what they think is right for their son, and then just storm out of the apartment for an hour after nearly traumatizing Logan, and leave us and your sister and your mom to worry about you?" He advanced, nearly chest-to-chest with Kendall, voice thick with emotion. "And you really think a couple 'I'm sorry's and 'I love you's is going to make everything better again?"

Kendall watched as a tear finally slid down James's rosy cheeks. But James's expression of disappointment, anger and hurt never changed. He let it roll down his face and drip off his chin, never breaking his stare away from Kendall's.

The blond was speechless. His stomach twisted in a knot, and guilt hammered his body so hard that he thought he would collapse. His throat was harrowingly tight and Kendall wondered why tears weren't falling down his own cheeks.

Kendall had confessed _everything _to them. And James _still _didn't forgive him?

Heart aching, he opened his mouth to say something. The only noise he could manage was a small croak.

James reached forward as another tear fell down his face. Kendall stiffened, expecting to be attacked.

But James only threw his arms around Kendall and pulled him close. "You're lucky I love you, too."

* * *

An hour after Logan took his medicine, Mrs. Knight told the boys it was time for bed. They obeyed, feeling both physically and emotionally drained.

The boys said their goodnights and started down the hall. Kendall suddenly stopped, causing James and Logan to collide into his back since they were following so close.

"Um, goodnight," he told them. He didn't exactly want to go to sleep. He was too nervous and didn't want to be by himself. But it would have been weird to ask the guys to camp out in his room, so Kendall decided he would just have to deal with it.

"Goodnight," James and Logan replied in unison. They slowly proceeded to their respective rooms. Until, that is, small footsteps padded the hallway behind them.

Kendall turned and saw his sister approach him.

"Kendall," she said, nervously wringing her hands together. "I don't want to sleep by myself tonight."

Kendall inwardly cheered, though on the outside acted casual. "Oh. Well, I guess I can sleep in your room tonight if you want."

She smiled at him.

"Uh…" said James, stepping back into the hall. "We can sleep there too, Katie. You'd probably feel more comfortable with your other big brothers with you, right?" He raised his eyebrows and flashed his pearly whites.

"And if you guys are all going to, then I might as well join you," said Logan with a nervous chuckle.

Katie rolled her eyes. "Want me to make some popcorn and we can have a sleepover?"

Logan and James's faces dropped. "Oh," said Logan. "Okay, never mind then."

He stared back for his room, and Katie bit down on her lower lip. "Wait," she said quickly. "You can stay too."

Kendall retreated to his bedroom to change into some pajamas and to grab a sleeping bag and pillow. His stomach felt a little upset from everything that had happened during the day.

Dragging his things behind him, Kendall shuffled into Katie's bedroom and spread his sleeping bag on the floor next to her bed. Katie crawled under her covers, but she sat up with her back against the headboard, watching Kendall as he fluffed his pillow and laid down.

James and Logan entered as well, unrolling their sleeping bags and finding available space on the floor. James found an open spot next to Kendall, and Logan settled down in front of the door.

"Ready?" said Logan, preparing to hit the lights.

Katie snuggled back under her covers, and Kendall and James crawled into their bags as well.

Logan switched off the lights witch and the tiny room became dark. Kendall could hear the rustling of fabric as Logan burrowed under his blankets.

Kendall sighed and stared up at the black ceiling. How was he supposed to sleep knowing that in less than forty-eight hours Carlos would be dead?

When Mrs. Knight had returned from her frantic search around town for her son, she smothered Kendall in a hug so tight that Kendall had to pry her arms away in order to breathe. He was so ecstatic knowing that James forgave him and things between the three were getting back to normal, that after Kendall was done fervently apologizing to his mother over and over again for how he acted, he lifted his baby sister in his arms and kissed her on the cheek and told her he was sorry.

"Just don't do it again," Katie had told him. Kendall agreed and kissed her again, this time on the head.

Mrs. Knight then got a little teary-eyed as she grabbed hold of her boys and her daughter and forced a group hug. It was a little awkward for Kendall, since he was stuck in the middle and unable to move his arms.

He had managed to wriggle free when Mr. and Mrs. Garcia stepped into the apartment. Kendall broke out of the hug and immediately raced to Carlos's father. Kendall grabbed his hand and shook it up and down, using every adjective he could possibly think of to describe to the man how sorry and ashamed of his actions he was.

Mr. Garcia cut Kendall off halfway through his spiel. Both parents said that they understood and that they forgave him. Minutes later, everyone was on the couch again and the Garcias were preparing to say something else.

James plopped down beside Kendall.

Mr. Garcia explained that Carlos's life support was scheduled to be terminated on Friday at noon. Most of Carlos's close relatives from back home were on their way to Los Angeles to say their final goodbyes.

After the news sunk in, the guys went to work notifying kids at the Palm Woods. Jo and Camille seemed to take it the hardest, but Mr. Bitters and even the Jennifers looked pretty upset as well.

Kendall had to tell Gustavo and Kelly.

Kelly cried. Gustavo didn't say a word and just stared off into space. But Kelly had promised they both would drop by the hospital tomorrow to say their farewells.

Kendall rolled over in his sleeping bag. Letting Carlos go was the right thing to do. He was sure of it now. It had been almost two weeks and his condition hadn't changed one bit. The chances of him waking up were extremely minimal. Besides, even if Carlos did wake up, he could have brain damage or suffer from some other serious health problem that could prevent him from functioning normally. Kendall didn't want his friend to have to go through that.

He twisted his body over yet again, stomach aching with dread. Though he had apologized a million times, he still felt guilty for what he said to Carlos's parents and the worry he put his mother through.

Squinting through the darkness, Kendall could make out James's still figure beside him. Kendall knew that Logan was laying somewhere by his feet and Katie was in her bed, and Kendall closed his eyes, knowing that if as long as they had each other, they would be fine.

* * *

On Thursday morning, James guessed he had shook a hundred hands. Many kids from the Palm Woods, as well as about a dozen of Carlos's relatives, were taking turns entering room 116 to say their goodbyes.

James felt horrible. He had taken two aspirin before he left the apartment, but the effects wore off quickly. He had been in the bathroom at least three times, one time because he thought he was going to vomit from worry. Somehow, James managed to fend off the nausea and rejoin Logan in hall to shake some more hands and give more hugs and accept condolences.

Back at home, Carlos's bedroom was filled with vases and bouquets of flowers. Some were bright and healthy, but the ones from a week ago were beginning to wilt. A stack of get well soon cards collected dust on a shelf, replaced by a fresh stack of sympathy cards. Even Jett Stetson's balloon was struggling to stay afloat.

More plants and flowers and cards were being hauled home by Mrs. Knight.

"I'm going to miss him so much," said Camille, dabbing her eyes with a tissue. She stood beside James in the hospital's waiting area.

"Me too," Jo murmured.

James nodded. The girls took deep breaths and started for Carlos's room, walking with trembling knees.

"Remember when we first saw Carlos?" asked Logan.

James turned, nearly forgetting he was there. "Yeah."

"Remember how you asked me if he could hear us?"

James swallowed. "…Do you think he can hear everyone telling him goodbye?" It was a chilling thought. Maybe Carlos could hear what was happening around him. Maybe Carlos knew he was going to die.

James sighed shakily and ran a hand through his hair. It was all so much to take in at one time. One minute he learned Carlos was going to die, the next Kendall runs away, then Kendall comes back and apologizes like a maniac, and then suddenly Carlos has an expiration date.

At least James had Logan and Kendall again. That he was thankful for. It felt like a giant, empty hole in his heart had been filled, and for the briefest of moments yesterday, as James hugged Kendall like Kendall would leave again if he didn't, James felt happy. Maybe even a little hopeful.

But then Mr. and Mrs. Garcia were talking about funeral arrangements, and he nearly cried in despair.

James looked at Logan, who never answered his question. The smaller boy had dark circles under his eyes, even though James had watched him take his sleeping medication.

"Hey, guys."

James turned and saw Kelly and Gustavo. Kelly had tears in her eyes and a Kleenex in her hand, but Gustavo stood rigidly.

"Hey," James greeted. "Did you guys just go see Carlos?"

Kelly nodded. James hadn't even seen them come in.

There was a brief moment of silence between the four. Kelly glanced up at her boss, but he didn't move. "Guess what?" she said.

"What?" asked Logan.

Kelly offered the tiniest of smiles. "We talked to Griffin this morning. He said Fujizaki got all the letters you sent. It must have been enough to convince him, because Fujizaki finally decided to put the band on hold and keep the music division."

Tears clouded James's vision, and he nodded. "That's great, Kelly," he whispered.

She nodded grimly. "Look… I know you guys don't want to continue Big Time Rush without Carlos. And that's totally fine. But don't even concern yourselves with any of that right now, okay? Me, Gustavo and Griffin will handle it."

The two boys thanked her.

Gustavo stuck out his hand. James stared at it for a moment, the unexpected gesture catching him off guard. Nonetheless, James shook it.

"I'm sorry," said Gustavo. Another rare occurrence.

James let go and Logan grabbed Gustavo's hand, giving it a firm shake. "Thanks, Gustavo," he said.

Gustavo nodded. "So, where's Kendall?"

James and Logan exchanged glances. Logan raised his eyebrows, silently telling James to be the one to answer.

And James said, voice void of acrimony, "He'll be here tomorrow."


	17. The Final Hours

**A/N: Well. This chapter is angsty. And it's kind of short, but it's setting the tone for the next chapter, which will be called 'Breakdown'. Two more chapters after this one, folks! Wow, I can't even believe it. You guys are going to hate me for the cliffhangers about to come. But I've gotten so many death threats that they no longer faze me. Lol. Thanks for all the reviews last chapter, and here is angsty number seventeen:**

* * *

Chapter 17  
The Final Hours

The day had finally come.

Today, in less than five hours, Carlos would die.

He was scheduled to be taken off life support at noon. It was seven o'clock. Mr. and Mrs. Garcia had spent the night at the hospital to ensure they had as much time as possible to spend with their son until the fateful hour arrived.

James didn't get a wink of sleep. He didn't even try. Instead, he spent the night cleaning his room top to bottom. He dusted all his shelves and furniture, removed all the clothes out of his closet and organized them by color, took them out, did it again, straightened misaligned grooming products on his dresser top, wiped his mirrors clean of fingerprints and smudges, cleared everything from the floor and placed it in its proper home. And at three in the morning, when everything was spotless, his sat on the edge of his bed and stared at the wall.

He desperately tried to remember everything about his friend. The last thing Carlos said. What he was wearing. The last time he smiled. The last time the two laughed together.

Everything, every memory, was blank. It was like James had forgotten his friend already. And the more he thought about it, the guiltier he felt.

He had sat like that for hours. Every minute that ticked by was a minute closer to Carlos's death. His actual, real, definite death.

It was 7:08 AM. Four hours and fifty-two minutes until James lost one of his best friends.

James pulled open his closet door and was greeted by a rainbow. He decided on a black t-shirt and a pair of jeans. His fashion choices were normally evaluated more precisely, but today, James could care less.

When his pajamas were off and his street clothes were on, he approached the full-length mirror hanging between his dresser and bed. He automatically reached over and uncapped a bottle of hairspray. He located a comb and used one hand to smooth out the tangles and the other to coat his head in a sticky drizzle.

A fluttery feeling of panic began to manifest in his gut. James smacked the can of hairspray back on the dresser with a metallic thud. A hand clutched over his stomach and he took a deep, edgy breath. He glanced into the mirror. Minus the dark circles under his puffy eyes, he looked fantastic.

But the more he stared, the more he realized he didn't really care how he looked. Frowning, James reached up and ruffled his hair. The 'Cuda brand hairspray caused dark locks to stick up at all angles.

He suddenly remembered _something._ Last April. April first, to be exact. Carlos thought it would be funny to replace James's hairspray with a kind of spray, commonly sold during Halloween, that turned his hair purple. James didn't know at the time that the dye washed out in the shower. When he emerged from his bedroom with a red face and plum-colored hair, he tackled Carlos to the ground and began a wrestling match. Kendall and Logan ended up prying the two off each other.

"_Dude, relax, it washes out in the shower. Haha! You should have seen your face!"_

Why was James struggling to remember what Carlos's voice sounded like?

He swallowed a lump in his throat. How was he supposed to get through this? Carlos was like a brother to him. To Kendall and Logan, too. They'd know each other since forever, and lived together now for over a year. Heck, even when they weren't in LA sharing an apartment they were always together; usually at the Knight household.

James had gone through fourteen days without Carlos. It was a nightmare. No one around filling the apartment with laughter, no one tossing themselves down the swirly slide, no one eating corndogs, no one losing his helmet and turning the apartment upside down to find it.

He stared at his reflection, watching his own eyes fill with tears. He thought of all the things he never got the chance to tell Carlos. Like that James was the one who broke his favorite pen in sixth grade. And that Swimmy didn't run away, James forgot to feed him. James never got to tell Carlos he was sorry for calling his helmet stupid. James never got the chance to tell Carlos that they were best friends and he loved him.

And suddenly, the mirror was knocked off the wall, the tears were falling down his face, the comb was somewhere across the room, and James was on his knees.

* * *

Kendall wasn't ready.

But he didn't have a choice. He had to be ready.

His hands shook as he made his bed. He fluffed his pillow and pulled up the covers, smoothing them out and making them as crisp as he could manage. Kendall had started off the night sleeping in Katie's room again, due to her request. When she fell asleep, he tiptoed out of the room and to his own where he could be alone.

Kendall stopped. He wondered what it would be like as he walked into the tiny hospital room for the first time in nearly two weeks. Would Carlos look the same as he had the first time Kendall walked in? Or would Carlos's injures be all healed? The tube would still be in his throat, that was certain.

Kendall wiped his sweaty palms on his jeans. He felt like he was about to burst. For fourteen days Kendall had built a black wall in front of his emotions, holding them off in his attempts to be strong for Logan and James. But now, the wall was cracked and leaking. He couldn't keep holding off his tears.

He hiccupped.

Forgetting that he had just made his bed to perfection, Kendall lowered himself on the edge, sighing. What if Carlos could hear what was going on around him? Then Carlos would know that Kendall hasn't gone to see him. Was Carlos mad? Or was he totally unaware?

Either way, Kendall's stomach churned with remorse. Logan and James had visited Carlos every day, sometimes twice a day, since the accident. They had more chances to talk to him and tell him things and just be with him.

Kendall only had a few hours. And he had no one to blame but himself.

He growled and punched his pillow. It didn't hurt, but he sort of wished it had. Why was he so _scared_?

Kendall cried out and snatched the pillow from his bed. He hurled it across the room, watching it knock down all the items on his dresser top. Everything thudded to the carpet or flew against the wall.

He clutched two fistfuls of his hair and took a breath. He had to relax. Had to calm down.

With trembling legs, Kendall rose to his feet and crossed his bedroom floor. He slowly bended down to pick up a pack of gum and a stick of deodorant that had been knocked to the floor. He straightened the items and reached down for more.

A picture frame, the glass now cracked. Kendall smiled lightly. It was one of his favorite photos, though he had nearly forgotten it was there. It was a snapshot of all the guys at Carlos's fourteenth birthday party. Even though Kendall, James and Logan thought it was a little childish, Carlos insisted that everyone wore little cone-shaped party hats. Carlos had his hat atop his helmet.

In the picture, Logan was on the left, grinning ear-to-ear. Carlos was next to Logan with his arm draped around Logan's shoulder. In Carlos's other hand was a corndog, because that's what he had requested for his birthday lunch. On the other side of him was James, who had Kendall in a headlock.

Kendall placed the frame in the center of the dresser top. The crack in the glass cut across Carlos's smiling face. It just didn't seem right. Carlos didn't do anything wrong. Carlos was so innocent and so kind. He didn't deserve to die.

"_I don't really like vanilla cake, but I know you guys like it more than chocolate, so I got vanilla anyway. It's actually not too bad if I hold my breath while I chew. Hey, can we open presents now?"_

Kendall hiccupped again, this one more forceful than the last.

He knew letting Carlos go was the right thing. It had to be.

But why did the right thing feel so wrong?

* * *

Logan had locked himself in the bathroom for half the early morning. He sat on his knees on the cold floor, his head pressed against the sink counter. Sometimes he cried. But mostly, he puked.

He could feel the worry and nausea rush over him an unexpected wave. He had just enough time to move his head to the right and vomit. Then he'd wipe his mouth on a piece of toilet paper, toss it in the toilet bowl, and flush.

He was messed up. For a while, Logan thought he was getting better. He was eating more. Getting decent sleep with the help of his medication. So why was he here? He had taken a sleeping pill before he laid down to go to bed. But even with the pill, he only managed a couple hours of rest.

A whimper escaped his lips and involuntary tears clouded his vision. His head was spinning.

In only a few hours, Carlos would be gone. Really gone. In a few hours, Logan would walk into hospital room number 116 for the last time. In a few hours, Logan would have to live with one less best friend.

He could feel the bile start to rise in his throat, and he positioned his head over the toilet bowl. His stomach heaved. What little contents it held were expelled out of his body. He didn't bother wiping his mouth this time.

He couldn't do this. He couldn't let Carlos go. Two days ago, he screamed at Kendall that he could. But it was something he said in the heat of the moment. As Logan thought about it, he came to the conclusion that he was wrong. He couldn't do it.

But it wasn't his choice. Mr. and Mrs. Garcia had made up their minds. They were his parents, and Logan was just a friend. What could he do?

His head swam. The truth was, Logan changed his mind every hour or so. Perhaps it really would be best to end life support. Carlos was not alive, not really. The machine, the ventilator - that was keeping him alive. It would be better this way. Heck, for all they knew, Carlos's mind was trapped in a horrendous nightmare. Maybe he was in pain. Maybe he was suffering.

Maybe he wanted to die.

Logan vomited again. Only this time, nothing came out. He continued to gag, expecting a lung would come out pretty soon.

"Logan?" There was a gentle tap on the door. "Honey, is that you?"

He recognized Mrs. Knight's voice immediately. Logan placed his hands on the side of the cold porcelain, using it as an aid to get to his feet. His entire body shuddered from all the retching.

Logan's pale hand reflexively found the handle and he flushed the toilet, forgetting that there was nothing inside. As the toilet ran, he twisted a knob on the sink and rinsed out his mouth and splashed some water on his face. It felt good, though only for a second.

He pulled up his shirt and used the hem to dab his face dry, making sure he didn't glance in the mirror. Logan pulled the bathroom door open.

Kendall's mother stood with her hands at her side, auburn hair looking unusually tousled. She reached forward and touched the back of her hand to his forehead. "You feeling okay?"

Logan nodded. "I'll be fine," he lied.

She narrowed her eyes. "I didn't ask how you're going to be, I asked how you are."

"Mrs. Knight -"

She grabbed his shoulders and gently pulled him forward. A motherly kiss was placed on his head, and he felt an instant sense of comfort, as well as a longing for his own mother. His body was still jittery, but something told him the nausea wasn't going to return for a while.

"You know, I consider all you boys my sons," she said softly. Logan raised his eyebrows. He didn't know that. "When people ask how many kids I have, I sometimes say five." She chuckled. "A single mom. Five kids. But it's not as hard as some people think. You boys are so good." Her voice cracked on the last sentence.

Were there tears in her eyes, or was Logan just imagining it?

"He's dead, you know," Logan blurted out. "Without that machine. He's dead."

Mrs. Knight nodded slowly. "I know." She put a hand on his arm. "Which is why I think the Garcias are doing the right thing."

There was a small pause before Logan forced a nod.

Mrs. Knight looked like she had more to say, but Logan wanted to be alone. He offered a small smile, thanked her, then hurried to his bedroom. Looking down at his clothes, Logan realized he was still in his pajamas. He was on autopilot as he opened his dresser drawer and exchanged his black PJ bottoms for a pair of jeans. He peeled off his plain green shirt and tossed it carelessly on the floor. Another drawer was pulled open, and he looked at his assortment of shirts.

He dug to the bottom of the pile and held up a nicer one. A blue button-up aligned with vertical pinstripes. He'd worn it once to a funeral, along with some khaki pants. It was the funeral of one of his father's co-workers. Logan remembered feeling really out of place, since most of the men had worn suits and ties. He was glad he didn't know the dead guy too well.

He stared at the shirt for a moment before shoving it back in his drawer, scowling. It wasn't like he was going to a funeral…

Logan stopped himself. Actually, in a messed up way, it kind of was.

He took a deep breath to calm his nerves, wondering if he should go see what James and Kendall were going to wear. It only took him another few seconds to decide that it didn't matter. After all, it was Carlos. Carlos wouldn't mind if Logan showed up in a giant chicken costume. Actually, Carlos would probably think that was hilarious…

Logan picked up a rose-colored button-up up shirt and used his hip to close the drawer. Carlos had asked to borrow it once. In ninth grade. He wanted to ask a girl to the homecoming dance, and she had told him one day that her favorite color was red. Unfortunately, Carlos didn't own any red clothing at the time.

"_Logan! This is going to sound really weird, but you have to switch shirts with me. Come on, please please please please?"_

The boys retreated to the bathroom where Logan gave Carlos his red shirt and Carlos gave Logan his blue long-sleeved shirt, which smelled a little funny and had some unidentifiable green stuff stuck to one sleeve.

Carlos asked out the girl. She rejected him, and the next day she asked out Logan.

Logan smirked at the memory. He had told the girl he had plans that night. Logan ended up, like his Latino friend, not having a date to the homecoming dance. So, Logan invited Carlos over to his house and the two sat in his basement with big, buttery bowls of popcorn and watched scary movies until four in the morning. They crawled into their sleeping bags and tried to get some sleep, but ended up paranoid in the spooky basement. At about eight o'clock AM, Mrs. Mitchell woke to find every light in the house on, and Carlos and Logan huddled together in the living room clutching hockey sticks to their chests.

Logan pulled the shirt over his arms and began to button it, starting from the bottom and working his way up. It was a trick Kendall taught him. If you started from the bottom you were less likely to miss a button.

His hands were trembling beyond his control. It took nearly a minute to do two buttons, and he had three more to go. Logan huffed in frustration as the button slipped through his moist fingers. He couldn't do it. How pathetic was that?

A hot tear dripped off his nose and plopped onto his hand. He sniffled and gritted his teeth.

"Logan?" He didn't need to look up to know it was James at the door. "You okay?"

"No, James, I'm not okay." Giving up on his shirt, he let out a growl and smacked his hands against the wall with open palms. "I… I-I can't do this," he whimpered. "I thought I could, but I can't…" He pressed his forehead against the cool wall, shutting his eyes. He was so pathetic.

James's soft footsteps were heard padding the carpet. "Hey, come on, man." He grabbed Logan by both arms and rotated him so the two faced each other. Logan didn't resist. James opened his mouth as if to say something, but stopped, instead reaching down to button Logan's shirt for him, starting where Logan left off.

Logan felt his face grow hot. But he knew he couldn't button his stupid shirt by himself. James had to help him.

Wow, he was messed up. Messed up and pathetic.

Logan forced himself to look at James as the taller boy worked on the last button. Logan examined his friend's facial features. No anger. No frustration. Instead, James's expression was soft and understanding. Tolerant.

And Logan suddenly felt more horrible than he had in the entire two weeks since Carlos's accident.

James's maturity level was about the same as Carlos's, but fourteen days had turned him into a more responsible young man. Instead of concerning himself about fashion and hair, he was worrying about the health of his friends. James didn't make as many jokes or witty remarks. Didn't concern himself with empty tasks. Didn't gush over fans noticing him. Not to mention his lucky comb was a practically a forgotten item.

The two, long weeks had transformed him.

"There," James whispered, finishing the final button. He stepped back, smiling lightly.

Logan tried to murmur a thanks, but his throat swelled shut.

Both boys looked up when Kendall appeared in the doorway, dressed in normal attire; a pair of jeans and tennis shoes and a long-sleeved plaid shirt. But something about him looked off. His face was taut, his shoulders tense. "You guys ready?" he asked.

Logan swallowed and shook his head. "I can't do this, Kendall," he squeaked.

Kendall took a few steps into the room. He walked with such confidence, like he had long ago accepted the inevitability of Carlos's death. "It's for Carlos," Kendall said hoarsely. He cleared his throat and spoke more clear. "We need to do it for Carlos."

Logan sniffled, and Kendall advanced and planted both hands firmly on Logan's shoulders. "Remember what you said to me? You said you loved him enough to let him go. I've known you forever, Logan. And I know you don't lie. And I know you're a careful person who thinks things through. You meant it. I know you did."

Suddenly, Logan began to cry. He couldn't help it. Big, glistening tears leaked from his saddened eyes, dripping to the floor below. "You were right," he sniveled, ignoring the blonde's words. "Kendall, you were right. We're giving up on him."

"No," Kendall snapped immediately. He bent his knees just enough to make Logan look him in the eye. "No, Logan, I was wrong. Okay? I was wrong." He took a deep, shaky breath and lowered his voice to a low, soothing tone. "When I walked around town that day after I ran out of the apartment, I had some time to think. And I realized I was wrong about what I said. We're not giving up on Carlos. We're just letting him go. Trust me, there's a difference."

Logan shrugged off Kendall's hands and pulled away. He rested both hands on his head and paced the floor, willing his tears to cease. But they wouldn't.

James finally spoke up. "It's the right thing to do. This is what's best for him." He averted his eyes to the floor.

"We're watching out for him," added Kendall. "That's what we've always done for each other, right?"

Logan let out a strangled sob and whipped around. "No, it's not. Because if we always watched out for each other he wouldn't be in this situation right now. If we always watched out for each other then _none_ of this would have happened!"

Logan gasped as his knees buckled and he collapsed to the floor, still bawling. He squeezed his eyes shut and allowed his shoulders to shamelessly heave up and down and his back to quiver, deciding not to care what his friends thought of him.

A gentle hand clutched his arm, then the other.

Logan slowly looked up through blurry eyes and saw Kendall kneeling beside him.

"Logan, I'm sorry," Kendall said, quietly. "Are you still mad at me for how I acted before?"

Logan didn't answer. But he wasn't angry. Just afraid. What if Carlos's death made Kendall repeat his actions? Obviously if Carlos was gone then Big Time Rush would not continue. The guys would most probably move back to Minnesota and life would slowly, painfully, go on. But would their friendship go on?

Kendall kept his hands firmly on Logan's arms. "Logan, we were five years old when we promised that we would be best friends no matter what. And I intend to keep that promise. I know I messed up before, and I know I really hurt you and James. But I can tell you right now that it's _never _going to happen again." His voice cracked. "We're all we've got now. We can't lose each other."

Against his brain's orders, Logan began to wail even more. Kendall pulled Logan forward and Logan held onto his friend tightly, pressing his face to Kendall's shoulder.

He knew. At that moment, Logan knew Kendall was telling the truth. They were never going to fight like that again. Kendall was regaining his rank as leader, and as the leader, Kendall would not allow them to drift apart.

"You know I love you, right?" Kendall murmured.

Logan nodded, holding Kendall closer.

And then, a second pair of arms wrapped around his body. Logan's tears began to dry due to Kendall and James's protective embraces. He didn't want to let go. When Logan was with his friends, he felt safe. He would gladly just stay there hugging them forever.

"Boys?" There was a knock on the doorframe. "Are you - Oh, sweethearts…"

The three slowly pulled away from each other. Logan looked up and saw Kendall's mother standing with her hand over her heart and her eyes shining bright. "Are you ready to go?" she asked softly.

They nodded solemnly. The three helped each other to their feet and exchanged a few brotherly pats to the back.

As Logan followed the guys to the door, he was suddenly reminded of the time Carlos got hurt and had to sit out during the championship hockey game against Duluth East.

"_Come on, guys. Don't be sad that I'm not playing with you. Be happy that you're the ones getting the opportunity! You'll be fine without me. Besides, I'm right here watching you from the bench. Now get out there! Don't lose, okay?"_

Logan wouldn't lose. He wouldn't give up. He had Kendall and James by his side, and soon he would have Carlos watching over him from the bench.

He _would_ get through this. He had to.

For Carlos.


	18. Breakdown

****

A/N: Oh my. I'm not sure how to introduce this chapter. You'll just have to read it. This is the second to last chapter of the story, which means there will be only one more after this. You're probably going to be a little confused until the final chapter as well. So. You'll have to stay tuned :)

**Thanks so much for all the reviews last chapter. As always, I really, really appreciate it. So... Here is the much anticipated chapter 18. Enjoy.**

* * *

Chapter 18  
Breakdown

Kendall had never been so afraid in his life.

He sat in the middle seat of Mrs. Knight's van, situated between Logan and James. Both boys had ashen faces and bloodshot eyes, and Kendall didn't doubt that he looked the same way.

His hands were tucked underneath his legs to prevent them from trembling. It didn't do much good. His entire body shook and shivered. To Kendall's right, Logan had his head bowed and kept fidgeting in his seat, and to the left James hugged his arms around his body and watched cars and buildings blur by out the window.

It was eerily quiet.

Katie rode in the front seat, every once in a while taking a deep inhale. And Mrs. Knight drove with one hand in her mouth as she chewed on her thumbnail.

Kendall remembered that for a few days after the accident happened, he was in denial. It was just a nightmare; he'd wake up and everything would be fine. But as the days passed, he realized that though it _was _a nightmare, this was very, very real.

Kendall closed his eyes. He saw Carlos, laying on the ground, half buried under the wreckage of the fallen scaffolding. He saw the blood oozing from the corners of Carlos's mouth, and the pained gasps he emitted right before he slipped into unconsciousness. Kendall saw the doctor explaining the bad news. Logan, crying over the bathroom sink. Then Logan again, having an anxiety attack at the hospital's family room. Kendall heard Mrs. Garcia's wails of despair when she first saw her son. He saw himself blow up at Gustavo upon announcing the band was in jeopardy. Then he saw himself again, singing a lullaby to his baby sister before she went to bed. CJ flashed through his mind, as well as James lunging at him in the restroom at Rocque Records. Kendall saw himself glowering darkly at James, then James again running into the Palm Woods lobby and telling Kendall that Logan was going to the doctor. Then Kendall's apology, and James's rejection.

Kendall shuddered. He saw Griffin on the TV screen in studio A, he saw himself fighting with James in the elevator and Logan screaming at them to shut up. He could feel the hard punches the stranger at the grocery store parking lot stuck to his face, and the stinging of Logan's rubbing alcohol. Then the Garcias were announcing the end of Carlos's life support, and Kendall was hollering at Logan and flying down the streets of town. The rain soaked him and a car almost hit him, but he made it back to the apartment. Kendall saw himself frantically apologizing, and James hugging him. And then, he saw himself again, embracing his friends as Logan sobbed on the bedroom floor.

Kendall opened his eyes. He could see the hospital just ahead.

"Mrs. Knight, can you please pull over?" Logan asked, suddenly sitting upright. His skin was completely pallid.

Without a word, Mrs. Knight flipped her blinker on, checked her blind spot, and pulled the vehicle to the shoulder of the road. Logan opened the door before the car came to a complete stop. His body lurched forward.

Kendall cringed at the noise, but nonetheless put his hand on Logan's back and kept it there, even when Logan heaved a second time. Kendall rubbed soothing circles until Logan spat a few times and slammed the door shut. He juddered even harder.

Mrs. Knight pulled a stick of gum from her purse and passed it back. Logan accepted it gratefully. He told her he was good, and Mrs. Knight got back on the road.

She drove only down the rest of the street before turning into the parking lot. Kendall's heart raced quicker with every passing second.

The engine was cut off. No one moved.

Kendall closed his eyes again. Only this time, he saw nothing.

Mrs. Knight sighed and slowly turned around in her seat. "Ready?"

"No," murmured Logan.

She slung her purse over her shoulder. "Me either." The car door opened. "Let's go."

With robotic movements, the boys unbuckled their seat belts and piled out of the car. Kendall didn't think his wobbling legs would support him, but they did.

Everyone moved around to the front of the vehicle and stared up at the looming building. Kendall breathed a little quicker as a strange feeling of panic began to settle in.

"Hold on," said Mrs. Knight. Kendall turned to her, and she exhaled a tiny sigh. "Before you go up there, I want you to know something." She paused, and the three boys looked to her expectantly. "I love you. All of you. So much."

Kendall stepped forward to give her a hug. "We love you too, Mom," he said, voice hoarse.

Mrs. Knight hugged him back and kissed his cheek before doing the same to the other two boys. As Kendall watched, two arms latched around his waist.

"I love you, big brother," Katie said.

Kendall nearly lost his balance; his knees were already weak from fear and worry. Somehow, he managed to bend down and kiss her head. "Love you too, baby sister."

And when everyone had pulled away from each other, it was finally time to go inside.

Mrs. Knight grabbed the hands of her children. Kendall didn't mind, and the three walked hand-in-hand to the front door, with James and Logan somewhere behind.

The automatic doors slid open when the first foot came down on the black mat. Kendall jumped, and Mrs. Knight squeezed his hand.

They entered the lobby. It was fairly empty; only a few people wandered about. All the memories of waiting for some kind of hopeful update on Carlos's condition flooded back to Kendall, and he shivered for the hundredth time that morning.

Mrs. Knight released his hand. "You three go on up," she said to the boys, tears shining in her eyes. "Me and Katie will see him later."

Kendall gave her a quick peck on the cheek before turning to face Logan and James. The two started forward, but Kendall's feet felt glued to the floor.

James put his hands on Kendall's shoulders. "Come on, man," he said, softly. "You can do this."

Kendall prayed James was right.

Taking tiny steps, they proceeded to the first corridor. Many times Kendall had walked the hall, but never before had it felt so long. He still couldn't stop shaking. Every step he took was another step closer to Carlos. Every step he took was another step closer to facing his greatest fear.

Kendall turned a corner and stumbled.

"Woah," said James, reaching out to catch him.

Kendall nearly let his body go limp. James held him up, one strong hand gripping Kendall's arm and the other clasping around Kendall's waist.

Kendall couldn't move. He couldn't straighten himself up. His muscles were weak and useless. He lowered his gaze to the ground and relaxed his body even more when James pulled him closer. "We'll go in together, Kendall. You can do it. I know you can."

Kendall didn't think he could speak without crying. So he kept his mouth shut.

"Logan, help me out."

Logan was at Kendall's side a moment later, and both boys grunted as they put their arms under Kendall and placed him flat on his feet. Logan and James each kept a hand on Kendall's shoulder, and the three pressed on.

Kendall shuffled slowly, too concerned about entering room 116 to feel any embarrassment from tripping. He was willing to bet that the only reason his feet were moving at all was because James and Logan were right at his sides.

The friends passed the vending machines, the place where Kendall had brought Katie to grab some dinner that Katie didn't eat anyway. They passed the cafeteria, where Kendall, James and Logan had their first discussion about who was to blame.

"You okay?" James asked.

Kendall looked up, expecting James was speaking to him. But the taller boy's eyes were on Logan. Kendall turned his head. Logan was near-tears and he took quick, sharp breaths. He nodded.

Kendall swallowed. His throat was so constricted with emotion that he could barely manage.

And before Kendall knew it, the three had stopped walking.

Kendall froze completely. He had to do it. He had to go in there.

But he couldn't.

James and Logan must have read Kendall like a book. "He doesn't look like he did when we first saw him," James murmured. "He looks kind of like himself. He still has some casts on, and the ventilator is still hooked up, but…" James broke off with a sniffle. He furiously wiped at his eyes, and placed his hands once again on Kendall. "But it's okay."

The backs of Kendall's eyes began to sting. He grabbed the sleeve of Logan's shirt and held onto him as James slowly guided Kendall into the room. If Kendall was going to go in there, he needed to be certain that his friends were beside him.

He held his breath. The edge of the bed came into view, and he stopped. James gently nudged him, and Kendall took another step forward in order to prevent himself from tripping again.

His green eyes widened. "Carlos…" he whispered.

Kendall could hardly believe how much Carlos had changed. Kendall inched forward, unable to tear his sight away. The cuts and scrapes on Carlos's face were barely visible; they had all healed up. The bandages wrapped around his head were gone all together. Carlos's skin still looked a little pale, but for the most part, he didn't look too abnormal.

It didn't make Kendall feel any more at ease. He should have been there. He should have been there to see Carlos's injuries heal. He should have been there to watch the bandages be removed.

Stare still glued to Carlos, Kendall took a step back. "I can't," he breathed. "I can't…"

James squeezed his shoulder. "We'll walk over there together."

Logan was already pulling up a chair on the opposite side of Carlos's bed. "Hey, buddy," he greeted with a sad smile. "Look. Kendall came today. I told you he would."

Kendall didn't say anything. He held onto James's arm as James pushed Kendall forward and into a chair beside Carlos. Kendall wondered if his heart could actually burst from pumping so rapidly.

He felt chilled, sitting so close to Carlos. The tube that jutted from Carlos's mouth snaked around and connected to a big machine with a monitor that periodically beeped. It was frightening.

James grabbed a seat next to Kendall. On the other side of the bed, Logan took hold of Carlos's hand. No one spoke. Kendall's body trembled more intensely, and he could still feel the unshed tears burning in his eyes.

Minutes passed. All Kendall could do was stare at Carlos through blurry eyes and listen to the heart monitor beep and the ventilator whir.

"Carlos…" Logan started, sniffling. "Look, I…" He stopped and shook his head, laughing bitterly. "You're so stupid, Carlos. You're the only one who would think a trash chute would make a good swirly slide. You're the only who would get hurt because you were crushed by some scaffolding. I mean, really, who else would do that but _you_? You're so stupid." Tears streamed down Logan's cheeks, and he lowered his voice to a whisper. "But you know I never mean that when I say it." Logan ran a hand through his hair and continued, sobbing every other word. "Except… - Except for that one time when we were, what, eleven? I told you reaching that gopher hole was a bad idea. So it's not my fault you had to get rabies shots…" He chuckled wholeheartedly this time, though through his cries, it sounded like more sobs.

Kendall was so tense that he realized he was clenching his fists, and he had to release them. James scooted closer to him and clapped a hand on Kendall's shoulder yet again.

"Aw, Carlos, I don't know what else to say…" Logan bowed his head, and his shoulders shook. "I never thought I'd be here, you know?" he murmured, not looking up. "I didn't think that it would come to this. I mean, I always had a feeling that… That this would happen. But no matter how unpromising things have seemed, they've always gotten better for us. Why is this time different?"

Logan cried for several minutes. All the while, Kendall remained still, listening to his friend and wishing he had the strength to do something to help him.

Logan finally pulled himself together. He sniveled and wiped his nose with his sleeve. "I'll m-miss you s-so much," he squeaked. "You're my best friend. You were so nice to me, Carlos, and you were always there for me to make me laugh and help m-me out and l-listen to me if I-I needed to talk, or talk to me if I j-just felt like listening… And w-what have I done for you? I'm such a bad friend, and I'm sorry, man, I'm so sorry…"

James squeezed Kendall's shoulder tighter.

"You'll watch over me, right?" Logan bawled. "I'll think of you. Everyday. I could n-never forget my b-best bud, s-so don't even worry about that." Tears dripped off his chin and fell to the front of his shirt. "And I'm - … I'm just… I'm sorry, for everything. Everything mean that I've e-ever done to you, or anything m-mean that I've ever said. I didn't mean it. I-I… I love you."

Logan kept on crying, and Kendall knew he was done speaking for the moment. Tears brimmed in Kendall's own eyes, but he still wouldn't let them fall. Not yet.

James cleared his throat. He still kept one hand on Kendall's shoulder, gripping it tightly. At first, Kendall thought James's gesture was meaning to comfort him. Then he realized James just needed someone to be there.

"Hey, Carlos," said James, voice coming out in a hoarse whisper. His misty eyes scanned over Carlos's body. "I can't believe you're going to leave us here. But… I guess we'll see each other again someday, huh?" Tears began to fall down James's cheeks, but he somehow managed to keep his voice fairly steady. "So… I don't know if you can hear me or whatever, but if you can, then you probably know what's going to happen in a few hours -" James finally broke off in a fit of sobs.

Kendall was surprised how long he lasted.

James pressed his forehead to Kendall's shoulder - the same shoulder that James still had a hand on. Kendall stiffened as he felt James's body quake with gasps and cries.

From the other side of the bed, Logan squeaked and clapped a hand over his mouth to attempt to stifle his own sobs.

Kendall could feel himself start to lose his battle. Seeing James and Logan cry was taking its toll on him. But he continued to stare, unblinking, at Carlos's closed eyes.

"W-We're… - We've…" James stared, obviously having a hard time getting his words out. "W-We were supposed to grow up together. Y-You can't just make it t-to sixteen and then stop and make us keeping growing up without you. Th-That's not how it's supposed to work."

He reached out to take Carlos's hand, but stopped, looking almost reluctant. Instead, James withdrew his hand and used it to wipe at the tears on his cheeks. They didn't stay clear for long. "Y-You were going to be a superhero," James sobbed. "I told you it was stupid, b-but it's not. You are a superhero, Carlos." He whimpered and once again pressed his face to Kendall's shoulder, speaking without looking up. "I mean, you're just so carefree. Y-You never worry about… About what other people think of you. And… And I wish I could be like that. I-I wish I could be like you." James took a deep breath. "I wish I could be like you," he whispered.

Kendall sniffled, this time clenching his fists to keep his tears from falling.

James took a few minutes to calm down. When he finally looked up, the salty liquid from his eyes streamed silently and gently dripped off the sides of his face. "I know you know I love you, man," James said, quietly. "Best buds always know that. I don't need to say it, but I'll do it anyway." James's moment of sudden strength was gone in an instant. He sobbed harder than before, still clutching onto Kendall for all he was worth. "I - I know y-you hated seeing us cry… I'm sorry, Carlos, so s-sorry. I m-miss you so much. I miss you…" Without hesitating, James grabbed Carlos's hand. "D-Don't be scared. I-It's okay. I-I mean, it's not okay, but… You will be. Soon." He cleared his throat. "I want you t-to know something, okay, buddy? I w-want you to know that you'll always be my best f-friend. We'll always be bros, even if we're not in the same place… W-We'll a-always b-be bros…"

James was finished. Kendall could tell. James lowered his head again and clutched onto Kendall, leaving a wet spot on the shoulder of Kendall's shirt.

Kendall didn't move. James quivered and sobbed and Logan was bawling, and now Kendall finally had his chance to say his goodbyes…

But how was he supposed to word what he wanted to say?

Kendall blinked slowly. Carlos's heart monitor kept bleeping and the machine kept making strange wheezing noises. He half-expected for Carlos to open his eyes. Carlos would yawn, sit up, and wonder why his best friends were crying. Then everyone would be happy again and everything would be back to normal.

But nothing would be normal again. In fact, Kendall wondered if he still remembered what normal was.

At least five minutes passed, and Kendall knew they had already sat there for at least fifteen. He recalled that the rule was ten minutes at a time, no more than two people in the room at once. The regulations must have changed for the circumstance.

Kendall's palms were moist from anxiousness. His hands still shook violently. James and Logan had lowered their sobs to soft cries and sniffles, and Kendall knew it was his turn.

An unexpected squeak emitted from Kendall's throat, and he quickly coughed to cover it up. He brought a hand up and let it hover over Carlos's. What would Carlos's hand feel like? Would it be cold and stiff? Or warm and soft?

Kendall's vision clouded over as he took a deep breath and let his shaky hand fall over his friend's. It just felt like a regular hand, and he was grateful. Kendall held it for a long moment, then laced their fingers together. He gave it a tiny squeeze, hoping to feel some sort of twitch or movement in response.

He didn't get one.

"Carlos…" Kendall whispered. "Carlos, it's me." He rubbed his thumb over the top of Carlos's hand. And suddenly, Kendall realized that this wasn't so bad. It wasn't so scary anymore. He could have done this before. He could have visited Carlos sooner.

Kendall swallowed, hard. The lump in his throat was so thick that for a split second he feared he would start to choke. He opened his mouth, preparing to speak.

Kendall made a couple croaking sounds before actual words finally came out. "I am so sorry…" He leaned forward to sit on the edge of his seat, as close to Carlos as he could get. "I get if you don't forgive me. I get it. It's my fault, anyway…"

James continued to cry, his forehead still resting on Kendall's shoulder. Kendall hardly noticed. His voice came out as a hoarse squeak. "Please… Please don't do this, Carlos. This… This isn't supposed to happen. Y-You're not supposed to be here. _I'm _not s-supposed to be here." He sniffled, feeling his tears get closer and closer to falling. "But… I am here. I'm here now. And I'm not leaving you."

For some reason, that made Logan more upset. He turned his head away and gripped a fistful of his hair, looking absolutely forlorn.

"W-We promised we would stick together. We've always… - I mean… We've never br-broken a promise. You c-can't start now. Carlos, I -… You can't… I mean, y-you gotta…"

Kendall wasn't sure what he was trying to say anymore. He had a million things he wanted to tell Carlos, but so little time to get them spoken. He wished with all his might that he could go back in time and just admit to James and Logan he was afraid. Then they could have helped him, and Kendall could have had more opportunities to get his goodbyes spoken. But that couldn't happen.

His sentences jumbled together and were hard to understand due to his cries. He couldn't do this anymore. He couldn't keep trying to be strong for Logan and James. None of that mattered anymore.

He needed to cry, and he could cry. It was okay now.

It was okay.

"Carlos, _please_, come on… Carlos, man, you gotta - Please, _no_…"

A tear escaped Kendall's eye.

And he broke down completely.

Everything he had been repressing for the entire two weeks rushed through him. Kendall gasped so loudly that in his peripheral vision he saw Logan jump. Brutal sobs racked through his body with such force that he nearly toppled over. Hot, relentless tears poured out of his eyes and his heart thumped heavily with the grief and despair he had forced away in the previous days.

Kendall squeezed his eyes shut and brought Carlos's hand - still intertwined with his own - up to his face and held it there. "Please, Carlos, _please_… No, no, no, no… We n-need you, man. Come on, _please_!" His loud cries made his throat burn. Tears fell like rain down his face, and hiccups interrupted his forceful sobs. "Carlos, please, come on," Kendall continued to beg, his grasp tightening on Carlos's limp hand. "W-We need you… And I can't - I mean, I -" He broke off, sniffling and blubbering. It was beyond his control. Kendall could no longer stop his sobs even if he wanted to.

"I'm so sorry," he bawled. "Carlos, I am _so _sorry… And I'm scared -… I-I'm _scared_. W-We're supposed to watch out for each other. And it's…- And it's my f-fault, I know it is. I… - Carlos, I - I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I thought I-… I mean, I c-couldn't see you l-like this… And I was - I was so afraid. And I-I'm still scared, Carlos, I'm _s-so scared_. Please… You're m-my best friend. Carlos, I l-love you… You - You know that, right? I-I love you. I'm sorry! Please, _please…_!" Kendall broke off, his sobs preventing him from forming any more words. He could feel James grip a fistful of his shirt and tremble even more.

Kendall closed his eyes and tensed his hold on Carlos's hand, which was now wet with Kendall's tears. He tried to apologize some more, but he couldn't get the words out clearly.

And then, Kendall screamed. He wasn't sure why. He just did.

He screamed again, and again, and again, each piercing shriek taking the slightest of pressure off his breaking heart.

James brought his arm up over Kendall's chest and hugged him close, but it didn't matter. Kendall was beyond consolation. Nothing would make him feel better. Not ever. He would forever have to live with the guilt.

He cried more and more, stomach aching and throat burning from the force. He didn't know it was even possible to produce so many tears. His entire face was wet, and he figured if he continued sobbing he would vomit.

"I - I'm s-s-…S-Sor-ry," he stammered through screams and gasps.

"Kendall," Logan sobbed. Kendall was so absorbed in his own despair that he failed to hear his friend's voice and the tiny creak of the chair as Logan got to his feet.

"Hey -" Logan said again. His voice was more loud and more clear.

The tension on Kendall's shoulder lifted as James brought his head up.

"Hey, what - ? W-What's happening?" Logan sounded panicked. "_Kendall_!"

Still sobbing, Kendall slowly looked up. He suddenly became aware of the rapid beeping coming from the heart monitor. Carlos still laid still, but more alarms and screeches came from the machines in the room.

"What's happening?" Logan cried again. He bolted for the door, nearly tripping over his chair in the process. "We need a nurse!" he shouted into the hall. "Somebody _help_!"

"_Carlos_!" Kendall screamed, tightening his grip on Carlos's hand. "No!"

Almost instantly, two nurses rushed in, pushing Logan aside. One bolted straight for the monitor and grabbed some tube that was jutting from the base.

"What's happening to him?" Logan asked again, yelling to be heard over Kendall and the monitor's alerts. "Is he dying?"

One of the nurses twirled around. "You need to clear the room, now," she demanded.

"No!" Kendall cried. "No, I'm not leaving him! _I'm not leaving him_!"

James stood and grabbed hold of Kendall's arm, attempting to pry him away from Carlos. "Kendall, we have to leave!"

"No!" Kendall brought an elbow back to fend James off. "Carlos, please don't die! What's happening! No! Carlos! _Please_!"

James grunted, wrapping his arms around Kendall's body and yanking him out of the chair. Kendall desperately reached out for Carlos's hand as his grip was torn away. He missed.

"Put me down, put me down!" He felt weak from all the crying. "Let me go! I can't leave him!"

"Is it a code blue?" one of the nurses asked hastily.

A doctor entered at the same moment, hurrying over to Carlos's side. He turned to the three boys. "You need to leave _now,_" he ordered, then proceeded to help the other nurses figure out what was going on.

"Kendall come _on_," James said.

Then Logan was there too, pushing away Kendall's flailing arms as James carried Kendall to the door.

"_No_! Carlos! What's happening to him? _James,_ put me _down_! I have to be there! I have to do something! Please, no, Carlos, you can't do this!"

James brought his mouth close to Kendall's ear and spoke firmly. "We have to go."

Kendall reached out, hands finding the doorframe. He clutched on as tightly as he could, refusing to leave the room. The alarms and warnings seemed to intensify in sound.

"Kendall, please," James murmured, losing his hold.

Logan pushed on Kendall's arms as the medical staff hollered again for them to leave.

Finally, Kendall lost his grip. Still sobbing, Kendall let his body go limp from exhaustion and James dragged him into the hall.

Kendall shrieked in anguish as he slipped from James's grasp and collapsed to the floor in the center of the white corridor. He curled in on himself, never ceasing his cries.

He wasn't sure how long he laid there and wailed. He had no idea what was going on in the room across from him.

Kendall couldn't get up. He couldn't move. The floor was so cold and so hard and uncomfortable, but he just didn't care. He couldn't do a thing but lay there and continue to bawl.

Two hands grabbed his arms again and pulled him up so he sat on his knees. Kendall didn't resist. He kept his head bowed, eyes on the ground, and stared at Logan and James's shoes.

And suddenly, protective arms were being wrapped around him.

Kendall melted into their embraces, and the three stayed on their knees on the hospital floor, determined not to let each other go.


	19. Moving On

**A/N: Well, guys, it's been fun. Bear with me on this annoyingly long author's note.  
I need to thank my loyal readers and reviewers. This story probably would not have gotten done without you. All your feedback has been much appreciated. It's true when I say that the completion of this story marks a major milestone in my life. It's sad to say goodbye and move my file to my completed fanfictions folder, but I am also saying hello to new ideas. Which leads me to my next thing. To those of you who enjoyed my writing, go ahead and subscribe to my author alert thing if you haven't already. I will definitely be posting more stories in the future! I have a poll on my profile that I encourage you all to vote on; it will help me decide what project to tackle next.**

**I can't believe this story has come to an end. There were points where I had my doubts that I would finish it. The beginning was the hardest. But, eight death threats later, it is done! Thank you guys so much. You're the ones who made this possible. I love you! :)**

**So, without further ado, here is the final chapter of 'Breakdown':**

**

* * *

**

Chapter 19  
Moving On

Kendall wasn't sure why there were tears stinging at his eyes.

He had prepared himself for this. He had known for about a week that the event would take place, but even with the warning, he found himself getting emotional.

He stood in front of the mirror in his room, hair neatly combed, shoes polished, suit looking sharp, and struggling to properly loop a tie around his neck. It was a tie he borrowed from Logan, since the only ties Kendall owned were out of date or stained. And he needed to look his best for Carlos.

There was a light knock on his bedroom door. "Come in," Kendall said hoarsely. He cleared his swollen throat as the door slowly pushed open.

"You almost ready?" said James. He too wore a black suit, complete with a striped blue tie. His hair looked great, as usual.

Kendall used his sore fingers to undo the knot in his tie. "Almost." He started over, crossing the wide end over the narrow end and bringing the wide end up through the opening. He hesitated.

"Now pull it back down," James said.

Kendall sighed, undoing the whole thing. He rotated his body to face James. "Wanna help me out?"

James obliged, walking into the room and grabbing both ends of the borrowed tie. Kendall watched as James skillfully went through the correct motions. A snug double Windsor knot was around Kendall's neck in no time.

"Thanks," he murmured, adjusting the tie to his liking.

James nodded and stepped back.

Kendall turned again to the mirror, checking himself one last time. He used his fingers to smooth out his hair, then buttoned up his suit jacket.

"Hey, Kendall?"

"Huh?" Deciding he looked decent enough, Kendall faced his friend for a second time.

James had his head down. "Are you… scared?"

For the longest time, Kendall had been so sure that the consequences would be dire if he told James or Logan that he was afraid. After all, Kendall was the leader. He shouldn't be so scared.

But things were different now. "Yeah. I am," Kendall comfortably admitted.

James didn't say anything, and Kendall put a hand on his shoulder. "But I don't think Carlos would want us to be so nervous."

A light smile danced over James's lips. "Yeah, you're right. He wouldn't."

A few brotherly slaps to the back later, and Logan was entering Kendall's bedroom as well.

"Mrs. Knight and Katie are getting ready to go to the car. You guys coming?" He also was handsomely dressed, with a navy colored tie fastened around his neck.

Kendall and James exchanged glances. "Ready to do this, Logan?" Kendall asked.

He shrugged his shoulders. "As I'll ever be, I guess."

There was a brief pause between the three. Logan looked a little jittery. "Are you going to say any words?" he inquired.

"I thought about it," replied Kendall, "but… I don't think I can handle it. The last thing I want to do is start crying in front of pretty much everyone I know."

"Okay." Logan swallowed, hard. He still looked uneasy. "Well, we better go. Don't want to be late."

Kendall and James started towards the door. Kendall put his arm around Logan's shoulder as the boys shuffled down the hall. "You going to be okay?"

Logan wiped away the tears brimming in his eyes. "Yeah. You?"

Kendall copied his action. "I think so."

Kendall, James and Logan entered the main room of apartment 2J where Mrs. Knight and Katie were waiting by the front door. Mrs. Knight was attempting to stuff a box of tissues into her purse incase she needed them later.

When the boys came in, she looked up and gave a gentle smile. But she was Kendall's mother, and he knew her well. The smile was a nervous one.

Without a word, Mrs. Knight held the door open for the boys and Katie, and the crew made their way down the hall and to the elevators. It was a silent ride down.

Not many bodies meandered about the lobby of the Palm Woods. The five walked out the side door of the building and piled into the van.

"I can't believe this is happening," Logan murmured.

Kendall couldn't, either. It seemed so unreal. He never really thought he would be about to do this.

Mrs. Knight pulled the vehicle out of the parking lot and began the short drive. She wore a long, dark dress and had her hair falling straight down her back. Even Katie was dressed in black.

The car ride was quiet. Logan was trembling again and had his head bowed, whereas James had his head turned and was gazing out the window. Just like the day the guys had said their final goodbyes to Carlos.

Well, not technically the _final_ goodbyes.

Kendall shifted in his seat. He still couldn't believe where they were going. Everyone had helped with the arrangements. Carlos's parents and Mrs. Knight did most of the work, but, surprisingly, Gustavo and Kelly lent a hand as well. Even though _Gustavo_ would never admit it, both of them loved Carlos. They wanted to make sure things went smoothly.

Kendall stuck a hand in his pocket to remind himself that his tissues were still there. He cried a lot more now. Before the accident, he couldn't remember the last time he had shed a tear. Now it seemed like crying was a regular thing.

But he was okay with that. He didn't need to hide his emotions for Logan and James. He knew that now. Kendall could still be the leader and still keep everyone under control and still make all the important decisions. A couple tears weren't going to hold him back.

Minutes later, the van stopped. Kendall took a long, deep breath, and exited the vehicle with his friends.

His eyes widened. Many people were filing into the building, the men wearing suits and the women sporting dresses or skirts. He didn't even recognize half the people.

"You go on ahead," Mrs. Knight said to the boys.

They did. Slowly, almost hesitantly, the three started up the walkway to the front of the building. Kendall felt like he was moving in slow motion. The people he passed all seemed to blur by. The buzz of their voices faded in his ears.

He couldn't help himself. He stepped forward and placed himself between Logan and James, clapping a hand on each of their shoulders as they crossed the threshold to the building's entrance. Kendall needed to make sure they were right beside him.

No one objected. James led the way, pushing through throngs of bodies. Many kids from the Palm Woods stuck out in the crowd, yet there were tons of strangers as well. Maybe Carlos knew them. Kendall wasn't sure.

Against one wall of the room was a long table, lined with flowers and plants and a basket for dropping off cards. The boys walked beyond it. Then they stopped, surveying the interior of the building.

Logan grabbed Kendall's arm. With his other hand, he pointed. "Over there."

Kendall gave Logan's back a friendly pat before starting forward. His heart beat a little faster and his throat felt dry.

The three boys sluggishly walked towards the area where Carlos laid, forcing their way through the crowd.

They halted. Kendall sighed, staring at his friend's closed eyes.

"He looks so peaceful," James murmured.

Carlos's suit was crisp and clean. His hands were folded delicately across his chest, and his hair had been neatly combed.

Out of the corner of his eye, Kendall noticed that Logan was sniffling. Kendall dug around in his pocket and handed Logan one of his tissues. As Logan accepted it, Kendall put his arm around Logan's shoulder and pulled him close for a one-armed hug.

"It's okay," Kendall said.

Logan wiped at his eyes with the tissue, then nodded.

Both boys looked back down. Kendall couldn't help but stare at Carlos for the longest time, mind whirling and heart aching with indescribable emotions. He could hear people behind him, their voices dwindling as they moved to the other part of the room as the event prepared to start.

"Are you boys ready?"

The three turned and saw a formally dressed, middle-aged man standing behind them.

"Almost," Kendall replied. He gestured to Carlos. "Can we have a couple more minutes?"

"Of course," said the man. He smiled gently, then turned back and began to usher members of the congregation to the other section of the building.

Kendall, James and Logan all took deep breaths, giving Carlos one last, long look.

Finally, Kendall clapped his hands together. "Well," he declared, "better wake him up."

Logan smirked and balled the tissue into his jacket pocket. He slapped Carlos on the chest with the back of his hand. "Dude, get up."

Carlos's eyes fluttered open. He frowned when he saw his friends. "Five more minutes," he groaned, rolling over on the couch.

Logan smacked him again. "You have to give your speech in five minutes. Don't you think you should rehearse it one more time?"

Carlos yawned and waved a hand in the air. "Relax, I know what I'm doing. Now let me get just a few… more minutes… of… sleep…" His eyes closed and his body went limp. A light snore emitted from his mouth.

Kendall raised his eyebrows in amusement. He looked to James, and then to Logan. "Boys?"

They smirked and nodded in confirmation. Logan grabbed an arm, and James and Kendall each seized a leg.

"Noooo," Carlos whined, effortlessly being lifted up from the tiny couch. He was placed on his feet before James and Logan began to brush off his suit and straighten his tie.

"Got your note cards?" asked Kendall.

Carlos patted his jacket pocket. "Got 'em right here." As James and Logan stepped back, Carlos's eyes scanned the crowd. "Wow… A lot of people are here, huh?"

"Yeah," James said. "Nervous?"

"Pfft… What? No, of course not. I'm not nervous. No way." He forced a laugh.

"You're the one who wanted to do this," Logan reminded.

"Well, yeah," Carlos said, "but I didn't think all these people would show up! Look." He pointed into the throng of bodies. "There's all sorts of kids from the Palm Woods here. And the company's investors, and CEOs, and reporters, and fans and other people I don't know." Carlos yawned once more. "And I also didn't know I'd have to get up at six in the morning for this."

Kendall laughed. "You'll be fine," he assured.

Carlos loosened his shoulders sucked in a large mouthful of air, preparing himself. He puffed out his chest and stuck his chin in the air, looking empowered and determined. "Let's do this." He held out his hand which each of the guys took turns slapping.

"We'll be right out front," said James, giving Carlos a push to get him to start walking. "Now go."

Kendall watched as Carlos proceeded towards the stage in the other room. Carlos removed his note cards from his pocket and clutched them tightly in his hand, suddenly not looking as ready as he claimed to be.

Tears leapt back into Kendall's eyes as he, Logan and James started towards the crowd, parting their way through all the people to get to the front of the audience. The tears were the same tears that had been in his eyes back at the apartment: tears of joy. He couldn't believe this was happening. He couldn't believe that all four were back together again, and Carlos was alright. For so long Kendall had feared and prepared himself for the worse. It was practically _inevitable_.

But no. Carlos was stubborn. As he had said after he woke up, "Come on, guys. Did you really think I would _die_? Jeez, I can't believe you thought I would just leave you here like that. And I thought I was the stupid one."

The boys arrived at the front of the crowd, right below the stage. They stood next to a few reporters who were eagerly setting up their tripods. Now, Kendall could see quite a few people he knew. Jo, Camille, Guitar Dude and the Jennifers and pretty much everyone from the Palm Woods were in the sea of bodies, as well as Griffin and his daughter, Mercedes, Gustavo and Kelly, Jett Stetson, Dak Zevon, Marcos DelPosey, and even Fabio. Kendall also saw his mom and sister standing off to the side.

The murmurs in the audience began to quiet as Carlos appeared on stage.

Kendall couldn't help but snicker at Carlos's awkwardness. Carlos gave a tiny, uncertain wave at the crowd before starting towards the podium at center stage. Suddenly, he tripped. The microphone screeched as Carlos reached out for the device to steady himself. Kendall hissed and covered his ears.

"Uh… S-Sorry," Carlos mumbled with a nervous laugh, straightening his posture. The audience waited patiently as he adjusted his tie and suit and cleared his throat.

"I don't think this is going to go well," James whispered.

"Shh," said Logan. "He'll be fine."

Carlos sneezed. His note cards flew out of his hand and scattered around the floor of the stage.

Logan cringed. "…Though I have been wrong before."

A few people laughed, and Carlos got to his hands and knees and scrambled around for the cards. He popped back up behind the podium, beaming brightly, though his cheeks were tinged red. "Um, hi," he said. He frantically began to sort through his cards and flip them around, attempting to put them back in the correct order. "I… um, I wanted to have this meeting to uh, discuss some things that… need discussing."

Carlos glanced up at the audience. Kendall waved and gave a thumbs up.

Carlos noticed and smiled, looking more relaxed. He peered back down at his note cards, then heaved a sigh and addressed the congregation. "My name is Carlos. Oh, wait, you probably knew that. Uh. Well, if you didn't, that's my name. So… I guess I'll just start then…" He cleared his throat yet again.

There was no other sound in the room.

"So… as you all probably know, I was recently in this accident." Carlos stopped for a moment, then continued, speaking slowly. "It was pretty bad."

James put a hand on Kendall's shoulder.

"And I have a lot to say, so I guess I'll start at the beginning. Well, the beginning for me, anyway. Which, I guess, is actually the end. Um… yeah, okay, I'll just start now." He hurriedly rifled through his note cards for a second time. "So, about four months ago, I woke up from this sixteen day coma. It was really weird, to know that sixteen days of my life had been pretty much wasted. But what was more weird was that when I woke up, I was still tired."

A few chuckles from the audience. Carlos chuckled with them, and he kept on. "So, the guys told me that - Oh! That's the guys, right down there, by the way." He pointed to his friends. "The one with the hair is James, the one with the eyebrows is Kendall, and the nerdy one is Logan."

Logan made a face, and everyone laughed.

"They told me that I had seen this trash chute thing at this construction site outside Rocque Records, and I thought it looked like a swirly slide and wanted to go down. But when I climbed the ladder thing to get up there, it collapsed and I got really hurt." He put a hand over his chest. "I broke six ribs, and punctured a lung, and broke a lot of other bones. Plus, my brain got blood in it or something. I don't know. I wasn't really listening when the doctors explained it to me."

Kendall rolled his eyes. He wondered how Carlos could talk about everything so nonchalantly.

"Anyway, I don't really remember any of that." He paused, examined his cards, then set them face down on the podium. His tone suddenly became serious, which was unusual, coming from Carlos. "About a month of my memory was wiped. I don't remember the accident or anything two weeks before it. I wish I could, but I can't. My friends explained to me every little detail that happened in the time I forgot, but it still doesn't ring a bell. I don't even remember the lyrics to the song we had been recording at the time.

"I was on life support while I was asleep. There was this long tube thingy that went down in my mouth and helped me breathe. They called it a ventilator, or a respirator, or something like that. Same thing, I think. After two weeks of no improvements, my parents decided they were going to end life support." He paused and looked up at the ceiling as he often did when deep in thought. "I don't really blame them, though. But, I mean, I don't remember _anything_ about being in a coma. I don't remember hearing any voices, having any dreams, anything like that. But they didn't know that. I think my parents thought I was in pain or something so they wanted me to… you know, not be in pain anymore."

Kendall fingered the tissues in his pocket as all the horrible memories came rushing back to him. James squeezed Kendall's shoulder a little harder.

Meanwhile, the audience was dead silent. No one coughed, no one spoke, no one moved. Every pair of eyes was trained directly on the boy on stage, and every camera had a blinking red light that signaled the tape was rolling.

Carlos's continued speaking. "According to Kendall and James and Logan, they were, um, in my room, saying goodbye to me and stuff on the day I was supposed to be taken off the breathing machine thing. Then everything started going all haywire and they had to leave. Nobody knew what was happening. I guess the doctors ended up having to take the tube out of my throat and…" He paused briefly, and his expression wasn't so serious any more. "And I was breathing on my own again."

Kendall could feel the tension in the room lift.

Carlos started smiling again. He grabbed the microphone from the stand, stepped away from the podium and began to pace while he talked. He seemed much more comfortable in front of the people and cameras. "Then after that, of course, my parents changed their minds and kept me alive. Which I'm very happy about." The audience laughed again. "I was still in a coma though, but my friends told me I started responding to stimuluses and stuff."

"Stimuli," Logan corrected. Kendal nudged him in the side.

"And it turns out I was only in a coma for two more days. Then I woke up. And guess what? I actually remember waking up. But it wasn't as cool as you probably think. I felt really sick. My throat hurt so bad that I couldn't talk too much and I had a really bad migraine. But what stunk was that I couldn't talk much, anyway. I got all tongue-tied all the time and my words slurred together. It was pretty frustrating. I had to write what I wanted to say on a piece of paper. And I'm not a good speller, so sometimes people _still_ couldn't understand me.

"So anyway, when I first opened my eyes, I was really confused, since I didn't remember the accident or anything. But a nice doctor was there, and he explained what had happened. Then my parents came in and my mom almost suffocated me because she was hugging me and kissing me and the doctor almost had to take her out of the room."

The audience chuckled once more, including Kendall, James and Logan.

"We talked for a while. Well, they talked, mostly. I couldn't really say much, even though I wanted to. Then the doctor said they needed to run some tests and stuff, so my parents had to leave and the doctor asked me all these stupid questions like who was the president and what's my name and what's two plus two. Then I was tired, which, like I said, is kinda weird. I still was really confused, but I knew that before I went to sleep I wanted to see my friends. Maybe James and Logan and Kendall could tell me more about what was happening. I mean, I knew I had just been in a coma and stuff, but I guess the reality of it all just hadn't registered with me yet, you know?"

Carlos maintained his pace back and fourth across the stage, using robust hand gestures as he spoke. But as he started his next words, he halted. His face became serious again. "They were crying. I'd never really seen my friends cry before, except when we were little. So then I was crying too, even though I still wasn't quite sure why I was crying. I had a hard time speaking, like I said before, but I tried to ask them some questions about what had happened. But they didn't say anything. We just kind of sat there together and they kept on crying and stuff." Carlos turned towards his friends in the crowd. "Oh… Sorry if I'm embarrassing you guys."

Kendall waved a hand in the air. He wasn't ashamed.

Carlos heaved a sigh. "Sooo… Let's see. Long story short, I had to stay in the hospital for _forever, _eat this gross food and do this stupid speech therapy stuff and it was so _boring_ because all I could do was just sit there in the hospital bed and watch TV, and there wasn't ever anything on anyway. But luckily my friends and my parents visited me all the time, so that was good. Blah blah blah, anyway, after I could speak a tiny bit better, I asked the guys about the band. Which is probably what most of you here are expecting me to talk about. So I will. Right now."

There was a bottle of water on the floor next to the podium, and Carlos twisted open the cap and took a drink. He licked his lips. "Okay. About the band. The guys told me that while I was asleep, our record company's founder wanted to either keep Big Time Rush going without me or cancel the music division all together. And since my friends are so stubborn, they wouldn't let him do either of those things. So they came up with this plan, where they had kids from all over write in letters and emails and place phone calls to the RCM/CBT GlobalNet Sanyoid headquarters."

Carlos took a long pause and lowered his microphone. His eyes were trained down on the floor.

The audience began to whisper. Kendall turned to James and Logan, wondering what Carlos was doing.

Then, the Latino looked up, and the whispers ceased. "The reason I wanted to come up here and talk today was to let everyone know something." He pointed to Kendall, James and Logan and gestured for them to come up.

Logan shook his head, but James was already starting for the stage. Kendall gave Logan a push on the back, and the three were at Carlos's side in no time. It was a strange feeling to be in front of a crowd that they weren't performing for.

But from the stage, Kendall got a clear view of the audience. He saw Jo right away, and she waved at him. Kendall smiled at her.

"Big Time Rush has been like, on hold ever since my accident," Carlos explained. "With four months of not recording any songs or doing any concerts or anything, plenty of rumors have sprung up all over the place. Before, the headlines were talking about a miracle. How this boy started breathing on his own just hours before scheduled termination of life support. And how this kid from small-town Minnesota who moved to LA with his buds to be a band survived a terrible accident and a sixteen day coma. And that this kid was insanely lucky and ended up only suffering from some memory loss and a few nasty scars.

"Then, suddenly, the headlines changed, and everyone was talking about the future of the band. Would Big Time Rush continue? Would they still release their next album on time?"

Carlos turned away from the audience and faced his friends. He looked at each of them, brown eyes sparkling.

"So," Carlos told the audience. "I am here to tell you that I'm okay. We're okay. We're moving on from this, and it's going to become a thing in the past."

The audience erupted into cheers.

"Big Time Rush is back!" Carlos cried, pumping his fist in the air. "And we are here to stay!"

Kendall, James and Logan whooped and hollered along with the excited crowd. Carlos stepped back and put his arms around his friends, and the four held onto each other as the clapping and shouts of approval and camera flashes carried on.

Carlos gave the audience a final wave, and together the friends walked off the stage.

"Dude, that was awesome!" James exclaimed to Carlos, affectionately slapping his shoulder.

"You think so?" said Carlos as the audience slowly began to disperse.

"Yeah," Logan said. "You did a good job."

Carlos started to say something else, but a man with a camera stepped in front of them. "_Los Angeles Times_," he said. "Mind if I get a group shot?"

"Cool!" Carlos cried.

Kendall gasped in surprise as James put his arm around Kendall's shoulder and yanked him closer. Then Kendall laughed and returned the gesture.

Carlos stood on his tip-toes and struggled to reach his arms out so he could embrace all his friends.

The camera guy told the boys to smile, then snapped a few pictures. "Looks great," he said. "Thanks, guys."

"No problem," Kendall said. "So, Carlos, did you -"

Three girls pushed him out of the way and marched up to Carlos. "Well," Kendall huffed. James laughed.

"Um, hi," Carlos said to the girls, grinning lopsidedly.

The Jennifers exchanged glances, smirking. Then, one by one, they leaned forward and pressed their lips against Carlos's for half a second.

Carlos stood like a statue, eyes wide as saucers.

"Welcome back," the blonde Jennifer said.

"We promised we'd kiss you," reminded the curly-haired girl.

"But don't get used to it," the other added.

The snapped their fingers simultaneously, twirled around, and disappeared into the dissolving crowd.

Kendall raised his eyebrows. He didn't know the Jennifers had promised that. He figured it must have happened at the hospital when he wasn't around.

James chortled and shook Carlos's shoulders. "Dude! The Jennifers just kissed you!"

"Uh-huh," Carlos murmured, still grinning ear-to-ear. Suddenly, his body began to tilt backwards.

Logan and James reached out to catch him before he collapsed to the ground.

"Easy, buddy," Logan said, helping him back to his feet. "We don't need you knocking yourself out again."

Carlos scratched his head. "That was awesome! I wouldn't mind going into a coma again if _that_ happened every time I woke up."

Everyone laughed.

Kendall cherished their laughter more than he did before. He knew now how quickly it could be taken away from them. He knew that one day he could wake up and not have any of his friends. It was a horrible, chilling thought, but it was possible. Kendall was determined to keep his friends close and enjoy every second of their time together.

As the boys' laughter stopped, they stood in silence for a moment. They looked to each other, silently taking in the moment, thankful that they were there together.

Carlos cleared his throat. "Um, guys?" he said. "Look… I know it must have been really hard for you while I was hurt and everything. And, you know, after I woke up and I spent my days laying in that hospital bed bored out of my skull, I had a lot of time to think. And I realized that I was really lucky. Like, really, really lucky." He swallowed hard and lowered his voice. "I was so close to dying."

Tears were forming in Kendall's eyes again. This time, he didn't force them back. This time, he let them fall.

"And as I was sitting there wondering why I woke up from my coma when I was just going to die from boredom anyway, I realized that there were so many things I never told you guys that I wanted you to know and almost didn't get the chance to."

"Like what?" wondered Logan.

Carlos smiled softly. He looked each of his friends in the eyes. "Like you're my best buds ever. And I love you guys."

They grinned.

"Well, we love you too," said Kendall.

James and Logan nodded. And then, all four were exchanging wholehearted hugs and hand slaps, and they were laughing and smiling and their hearts were thumping with warmth.

Kendall wondered if Carlos truly understood how lucky he had been. Nobody was even sure how it happened. One doctor threw out the suggestion that Carlos began to breathe again because he had his three best friends by his side.

Kendall wasn't too sure about that. Regardless, he had a better understanding of everything now. He was the leader of Big Time Rush. And he still could be the leader, even if he was afraid or upset about something. His friends didn't expect him to be so unconcerned, anyway.

They would forever stick together. The promise was still unbroken: best friends, no matter what.

No matter what.

They had made it through their toughest challenge yet. They had moved on.

And as their individual signs of affection turned into one group hug, Big Time Rush knew - this time, for certain - that everything would be fine.

**THE END**


End file.
